Thread: Sex before Marriage.

I cannot understand people who believe in waiting until they're married before they share in such an experience.

To me, it seems to distrust 'love' as an emotion, and depend on a written document saying you're bound to a single person for life. Maybe in earlier times it made some sense, since divorce was less common and there was more about a relationship that just love, but not now. Not in todays day and age surely.

What's the difference between being in love with each other, and marrying eachother? To me, there doesn't seem to be a huge one.

Of course, there will be guys (and women) who take advantage, but that shouldn't even come into it. I've nothing against waiting until you're sure, until you're positive you're sharing the experience with someone who feels the same as you, I just don't understand marriage being the line between a yes and no. Surely, shouldn't that line be love?

Doesn't what you can't understand fall into the category of "personal beliefs." If a young couple believes they should wait to have sex until after they get married, then that's their business and not yours.

I can't understand many things, but I'm beginning to understand that a lot of the stuff I can't understand is none of my business anyway.

Doesn't the importance lie in the couple's happiness, which, in turn, leads to the longevity of the marriage? Take a tip from these guys who are marriage experts :

When We Get Married

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUEEy...eature=related


Do whatever is best fot you, and don't care so much what others do, as long as their actions don't affect your well-being. Big part of the problem in today's society is that nobody mind's his or her own business anymore. Our culture has become like a shrinking, African watering hole, where crocodiles and other animals must come together even though they all don't trust or do fear one another.

It's time to return to basics: common sense, common decency, and common courtesy--all important ingredients that have sadly become uncommon.

What interests me more is sex AFTER marriage.

Originally Posted by Robinjazz

Doesn't what you can't understand fall into the category of "personal beliefs." If a young couple believes they should wait to have sex until after they get married, then that's their business and not yours.

I can't understand many things, but I'm beginning to understand that a lot of the stuff I can't understand is none of my business anyway.

Doesn't the importance lie in the couple's happiness, which, in turn, leads to the longevity of the marriage? Take a tip from these guys who are marriage experts :

When We Get Married

YouTube - When We Get Married


Do whatever is best fot you, and don't care so much what others do, as long as their actions don't affect your well-being. Big part of the problem in today's society is that nobody mind's his or her own business anymore. Our culture has become like a shrinking, African watering hole, where crocodiles and other animals must come together even though they all don't trust or do fear one another.

It's time to return to basics: common sense, common decency, and common courtesy--all important ingredients that have sadly become uncommon.

Tom's right in one respect. Having the existence or non-existence of a piece of paper determine how one behaves is ridiculous. I got caught up in something similar - not marriage - years ago, and looking back on it today realise what a complete prat I was.

I was expecting the classic, "Not if it delays the ceremony."

Originally Posted by The Backward OX

Tom's right in one respect. Having the existence or non-existence of a piece of paper determine how one behaves is ridiculous. I got caught up in something similar - not marriage - years ago, and looking back on it today realise what a complete prat I was.

Tom's being right and a token will get him a ride on the crosstown bus.

"Pop goes the weasel" may occur before or after the marriage, sometimes even during the marriage with one of the bridesmaids.

My honest gut reaction? If a guy is saving himself for marriage, and tells me so [Wuss], I will thank him [not to his face] for sparing me a relationship with him and find myself a man. Not politically correct, not even particularly nice. Just the truth. That was before I was married to the man. I am for monogamy though.

Since the vast majority doesn't think it's necessary to wait until marriage to have sex, I don't see how this is a problem. It's not like it really narrows the field all that much, does it? If you want have sex before marraige, well, go do it. Who's stopping you -- some girl who wants to wait?

I learned a hard lesson on this wait stuff. I met Janet on the first day of college. On the first date, she told me that she was a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage to have sex.

It turned out to be a cover story.

The day after graduation, after five days of nervously being engaged to me, she finally confessed that she and her biological father were having great sex and our engagement was infringing on that. She literally threw the ring at me and said "Whew, I'm glad I don't have that anymore."

Like I said, it's not the waiting that bothers me, it's the logic behind the line being Marriage. It's not so much about personal beliefs, but the reason why Marriage is still such a huge basis for having sex and not having sex. Even religiously it makes little sense. God asks you to have faith, but he doesn't have faith in you being able to fall in love and stay with your partner without having a signed document or 'his blessing' that binds you to it.

Tom, I don't see why you think "marriage is still such a huge basis for having sex and not having sex." It might have something to do with your age -- I'm thinking more people in your age group are going to feel that way -- or at least give it lip service. I don't have any stats, but I'm sure I could find them easily enough -- very few people wait to have sex until they are married.

Originally Posted by Tom

Like I said, it's not the waiting that bothers me, .

Why should what others do bother you? If a young couple in Omaha, Nebraska wants to wait until after they marry to have sex, that's their business. I don't see any reason for dragging God into this either. Do whatever makes you happy, as long as you don't break any laws. Tom does what he thinks is best for him, and the young couple deciding to wait does what they think is best for them. Shouldn't it be that way?

Quickly add some words by C.S. Lewis that make sense:

"And, whatever you do, do not start quarreling with other people because they use a different formula from yours."

In the end, Robin, of course everyone is entitled to do what they like, and what's best for them, I have no say in that. You're silly however, to ask why what other people do should bother me, because I don't think anybody goes through life without being bothered about other peoples actions and opinions. It's obvious, in fact, that you're bothered about me expressing my opinion, or 'delving' in what other people are entitled to do.

The point I am trying to make is that I don't think it's a rational choice to have marriage as the barrier between having sex and not having sex, not as a stand-alone anyway. I think in many cases it can cause problems in relationships, end them, or even stop them from happening. It's an opinion I'm expressing, not forcing on people. If that couple in Omaha, Nebraska want to wait until their married, that is their business, but it doesn't mean I'm not allowed an opinion on the fact that they're waiting until their married.

A friend of mine took a fellow to court over an unpaid debt and was acting as his own lawyer. Most of my friend's questions to the defendant were objected to by the other fellow's lawyer and the objections were upheld by the magistrate. Finally in frustration my friend started an involved legal argument in the midst of which he said, 'Now, I'm not the judge in this case...' at which point the magistrate interrupted him and said 'Sir that is the first statement you have made with which I can whole-heartedly agree'.

RJ, the CS Lewis quote in your last post is, I believe, the first statement you have posted with which I can whole-heartedly agree.

As for the original post, I'm with xO. It's sex after marriage that I'm interested in.