Thread: Should Polygamy be legal?

Exactly what it says on the tin. Should Polygamy be legal?

Personally, I'm for it...or rather, I'm not against it.

In the U.S. we'd need some updates to tax law and employers would probably only pay for two people in the relationship, but other than that? It's people. Any problems unique to polyamorous relationships have likely been worked out by the people already living that life.

What about you all? Yea or nay and why?

Seems kind of dangerous if you consider one man divorcing three wives with possibly 10 or more kids total and having to pay child support. He would not be able to afford to get remarried for freakin' ever! Lol, I'm sure there could be situations/ matches that might be less fraught with disaster ...
And I could so see a divorce or more, as I can't see putting up with other women in my house. Men, maybe. Dunno that I could see three men living together in harmony either.
Frankly I just don't think we are there as a species.
However, I am not much for laws governing a persons personal choices, but it's hardly up to me.

I find polygamy disturbing.

Generally when I think of one guy bedding several woman and fathering numerous kids I think of guys like David Koresh, Jim Jones or Charley Manson.

More than my own prejudices I don't think its healthy to raise children in an environment where women are treated this way.

What two (or three or four) consulting adults want to do is their business until it starts damaging kids.

Preston, it sounds like you have some negative preconceptions of what polygamy actually is. Polygamy is simply having more than one spouse at a time. The accounts of abuse, mistreatment, and other negative effects also occur in monogamous relationships, and are (hopefully) a minority of the minority in polygamous ones.

Yes, there was that cult in Texas, but cults pop up anywhere a strong personality can take advantage of the vulnerable.

In what way would women be treated? Also, why assume it's the man that's marrying more than one woman? How would children be raised any differently, except for having three parents? I could definitely see divorce being difficult, but it already is anyway.

When I try to envision polygamy legalized, I keep seeing a radical feminist taking multiple husbands and giving interviews on how kinky it is in bed. Argument goes back and forth on whether this is breaking us free of gender roles, or simply another attempt at reversing them.

When I searched for polygamy on Google, I got a multitude of articles on one or two cults, and that can't be all that's out there. I'm going to look for some historical accounts, and I'll let you know if children were harmed before the practice was criminalized (compared against monogamous abuse, which is confirmed and well documented). In all likelihood, they probably were harmed, but if children and women weren't treated worse in polygamous relationships, well, it's not the polygamy that's doing it.

I'm a Libertarian, so....

Originally Posted by Elric Randall

Preston, it sounds like you have some negative preconceptions of what polygamy actually is. Polygamy is simply having more than one spouse at a time. The accounts of abuse, mistreatment, and other negative effects also occur in monogamous relationships, and are (hopefully) a minority of the minority in polygamous ones.

Don't misunderstand me. I am not a prude, but I don't look at is as simply having more than one spouse at a time. My prejudice against the concept of polygamy is based on my belief that children should not have to compete for the love of a father with multiple half brothers and sisters. Children see and hear everything and watching their Mother (in most cases it is a Mother) being marginalized by a man who cannot commit to a single relationship is unhealthy.

Yes, there was that cult in Texas, but cults pop up anywhere a strong personality can take advantage of the vulnerable.

Usually a man who is engaged in polygamy is also a strong personality.

In what way would women be treated? Also, why assume it's the man that's marrying more than one woman? How would children be raised any differently, except for having three parents? I could definitely see divorce being difficult, but it already is anyway.

She would be marginalized and treated as an object along with all the other wives, made to feel special when the man feels like it and left to wait when he has his attentions elsewhere. Her children are essentially marginalized as well.

When I try to envision polygamy legalized, I keep seeing a radical feminist taking multiple husbands and giving interviews on how kinky it is in bed. Argument goes back and forth on whether this is breaking us free of gender roles, or simply another attempt at reversing them.

Pipe dream

When I searched for polyamy on Google, I got a multitude of articles on one or two cults, and that can't be all that's out there. I'm going to look for some historical accounts, and I'll let you know if children were harmed before the practice was criminalized (compared against monogamous abuse, which is confirmed and well documented). In all likelihood, they probably were harmed, but if children and women weren't treated worse in polygamous relationships, well, it's not the polygamy that's doing it.

Children are thrown into the abuse cycle by numerous issues, but religion and law aside it only makes sense that two parents is an ideal setting for children. Where a man might have three woman and have 4 children with each, that creates 12 children all competing for their father's attention and love.

It's tough enough for 4 or five kids.

I don't see the positive side.

Is it still polygamy if a woman has more than one husband, nobody seems to be giving that a thought, like people talk about homosexuals and lesbians.

My friend who is a Muslim told me a story about a man with a very dominant wife who went to his Imam and said he wanted to marry a second wife, apparently one needs permission. He looked at him surprised and said "What! You want two hammers?" Your scenario of marginalised women is not always the case M. J.

Originally Posted by Olly Buckle

Is it still polygamy if a woman has more than one husband, nobody seems to be giving that a thought, like people talk about homosexuals and lesbians.

My friend who is a Muslim told me a story about a man with a very dominant wife who went to his Imam and said he wanted to marry a second wife, apparently one needs permission. He looked at him surprised and said "What! You want two hammers?" Your scenario of marginalised women is not always the case M. J.

That might be so Olly, but if a man and woman want to have multiple partners I really don't care. I just think that kids have enough to deal with these days. Single parents, crack head parents, no parents, fundimentalist wack job parents.

I don't think it should be endorsed by Western society. It strikes me as one more way to screw up kids, who by the way don't get to choose.

There are many ways that people conduct themselves, I can imagine a situation where mum and dad are arguing, but the kid still has their other mother to turn to, who is not involved in the row and able to give them the attention they need. And children in polygamous marriages certainly don't have to cope with single parents or no parents, probably not with crack heads either.

As polygamy is generally accepted to mean one man with several wives, I'll comment from that standpoint.

I've seen how polygamy works in societies that permit it. The rule is that a man never have a family larger than he can afford to maintain properly. So long as that rule is followed, there is no problem, and the system works quite well.

Originally Posted by Olly Buckle

There are many ways that people conduct themselves, I can imagine a situation where mum and dad are arguing, but the kid still has their other mother to turn to, who is not involved in the row and able to give them the attention they need. And children in polygamous marriages certainly don't have to cope with single parents or no parents, probably not with crack heads either.

I think you've really got a nice pair of rose-colored glasses on for this, though, Olly. You're assuming that only two adults would fight at a time and the balance of them would be unaffected. It doesn't really work that way in families, though, or in houses full of people living together in any context. See any good reality tv shows lately? No? That's because packing a bunch of people into a house and expecting them to get along is a recipe for drama and lots of it.

Unfortunately, dysfunctional families of all stripes do already exist, you're right about that.

I think that a guy with more than one wife should probably have a bunker to hide in when their cycles all sync up, PMS times two? Times three?? Who are the masochists who are seeking to do this to themselves?*

*These remarks made tongue in cheek complete with certified Winking Smilie (TM)

I can't imagine why anyone, man or woman, would want more than one spouse. If you're sharing your significant other with one or more sister wives or husbands, then how in the world can you have a good close relationship? Even in the cases that I've seen on tv, there are usually 'favorites' and how that can be good for a family? To me, it seems to reduce the role of a husband or wife, to that of a sperm donor, or brood mare.

Used to be a status thing, is all. The more wives, the more bragging rights. Luckily society has advanced somewhat.

It's absolutely none of my business how other people wish to organize their lives or how they contract amongst each other to care for their offspring.

And it's none of their business how I do those things.

MYOB! Cuts both ways.

Originally Posted by caelum

Used to be a status thing, is all. The more wives, the more bragging rights. Luckily society has advanced somewhat.

I'm looking forward to future entries in your 'I'm going to reduce complex ideas down to insulting simplicity' series.