Perspective Question - Writers Forum

Sen Yama · 07-07-2008, 01:06 AM

I have a fledgling story, but don't know what perspective to tell it from.

The obvious one would be Raine's. Strong female character, who gets caught in a two consecutive relationships that are less than desireable.

Then there is Blake. A sadist who is only looking out to have fun.

And last there is Maddox. He has a strong internal and external conflict being a Halif. There is a harsh stigma on this, and the equivalent of Jim Crow laws on them.

I've tried to write the opening scene for all three, so I'll post them all up.

Raine's POV

Riane climbed halfway up the front staircase and saw two kids bullying a Halif. The sight of it made her furious. Just two years ago they were discrimanated in just the same way!She leaned against a pillar, and caught her breath. I shouldn't be at school if I get this winded. The two bullies had light blue hair with green shine, which marked them as Garnifs.

Why isn't the girl fighting back? When you corner them, they usually just swing blindly. The poor girl getting bullied was so stereotypical it was sad. She had thick, unruly brown hair, her lips were too red and her arms were different colored bloches. Poor kid. With most of them you really have to get up close to tell.
One of the boys made a fist at her.

"Stop!" Riane yelled. The nerve of that boy was unbeleavable, she had done absolutely nothing to deserve this. "I mean it, back off."

The boy turned his head, and noticed that Riane was taller than him. He put his hand down, and walked away with his friend. One of them cackled over his shoulder at her. "Freak."

Riane flipped him off and turned to the girl. "You ok?"

She wiped her face dry. "I'm fine. You didn't have to help me, I was fine on my own."

"I know. I just like to intrude." Rianne kept a straight face, which just made the girl laugh.

"I should go to class before anybody else shows up. By the way, I'm Clara."
"I'm Rianne."

Rianne would have hungout until Clara had to go to home room, but most of the Halifs got stuck on the other side of the school. It was terribly racist, but Unmods could get really violent. Even since the incident two years ago when an Unmod stabbed a Halif, to death, in the gym, the Halifs have been seperated from the other students.

Looking down at the school map in her hands, she took the fourth hall, trying to remember if she got reassigned to E-5 or E-6... Probably E-6.

Someone put their hand on her shoulder and she turned around. "Hi, I'm Blake." The boy was about 5'9" with blone hair and bright blue eyes that made her a bit uneasy. "This is my friend Maddox." He pointed to the boy behind him, who seemed to be ignoring her. He was tall, easily over six feet, and looked kind of anti-social. His brown hair hung in his eyes and there was a scar that ran down his cheek.

"I'm Riane. I think I've seen you two around before. Which class are you in?"

"E-6."

"Oh, I just got transfered there this morning. Finally got my test results in. God, it takes forever for them to proscess them."

Blake nodded, and changed the subject to hobbies. It actually seemed like they had quite a bit in common, they both liked to read, play video games and go swimming.

Here is Blake's.

Blake looked up at the dark orange sky, perfect weather for a fight. In fact, it looked like there was one brewing on the front steps of the school. Bruce and John were terrorising some Halif girl again. He'd happily join in, but Maddox was standing behind him, just out of sight.

Mmm, looks like the chances for fun were spoiled, some red-head was breaking it up. She looked tallish, but it was hard to tell from this distance. "What do you think Maddox? Is she fair game for a girlfriend?"

Maddox didn't answer, but it wasn't like it really mattered, it wasn't a question in the first place. Maddox didn't usually talk very much, but today he seemed quieter. Whatever, he'd get over it.

"Com'on, teachers get so mad when we're late." When they were almost to home room, they passed the interesting girl again.

"Hi, I'm Blake. This is my friend Maddox."

"I'm Riane. I think I've seen you two around before. Which class are you in?"
"E-6."

"Oh, I just got transfered there this morning. Finally got my test results in. God, it takes forever for them to proscess them."

Blake nodded, and changed the subject to hobbies. It actually seemed like they had quite a bit in common, they both liked to read, play video games and go swimming.

And then there is Maddox.

Maddox stood just outside of Blake's vision. So far Blake was enthralled by the argument between the two Garnifs and the Halif on the school's front step. Sometimes Blake just got too carried away with the fighting, hiting people just because he felt like it. He could see his friend itching to join in.

A girl walking up the stairs cought his eye. Her braid looked like a line of blood on her white jacket. She quickly broke up what almost turned into a fight, though it would have been rather one-sided, the girl getting picked on looked like she wasn't going to fight no matter what.

Blake slouched when the two boys went in. Somedays Maddox wondered if his friend enjoyed violence too much. Blake spoke over his shoulder, not bothering to look back."What do you think Maddox? Is she fair game for a girlfriend?"

There went Blake again, hunting just days after he broke up. He wasn't asking permission, and seemed just as happy when Maddox didn't answer.

"Com'on, teachers get so mad when we're late." Maddox followed Blake into the school and they passed the redhead again, and of course, Blake had to stop introduce them.

"I'm Riane." She smiled. "I think I've seen you two around before. Which class are you in?"

"E-6."

"Oh, I just got transfered there this morning. Finally got my test results in. God, it takes forever for them to proscess them."

Blake nodded in agreement as they walked down the hall and continued talking. Maddox just turned them out.

I am most in tune with Raine, but Maddox has the most conflict and potenetal. And then there is Blake, who I actually dislike alot.

So, opinions? (I know you've got some!)

Mike · 07-07-2008, 04:36 AM

Third-person omnicient.

Begin the story with your main character. If there is no main character, but what I call 'commune characters,' begin the story with the strongest pull - that which centers around the fight, those involved being the girl and the Halif. Don't get too fixed on getting all the characters to meet each other right away.

Sen Yama · 07-07-2008, 11:09 AM

That's my problem, I'm really trying to pull this peice as a 3rd limited. And I can't decide if my main character is Maddox or Raine so...

Like whole reason for posting... ;(

lin · 07-07-2008, 12:30 PM

For what reason would you want to make it "limited"? What advantage does that give you? How would it change the voice in most of the narrative?

Especially when you can't decide on who to limit to.

This may be one more factor of the damned "don't head-hop" hysteria.

Going with an omniscient viewpoint allows you to use the "voices" of all characters to advantage. You've got one guy seeing something one way and saying so, then other characters giving their own take in their coloration.

If a character has a viewpoint so compelling that you want to limit yourself to it, fine. But doing just because you read to many how to books only cuts against everything you are trying to do.

I keep saying this, and it's different from the blather in the gurus: every story has it's unique narrative voice. Which is composed of the POV, the diction, the style, the way things are looked at and reported.

It's the way your story "wants to tell itself". Until you find it, you blog around in confusion. Once you hook up with the narrative voice, it starts telling itself.

Seriously.

FORGET all the POV and shit. It's not writing tips, it's CRITIC tips, "talking about it" shit.

You'll find it more efficient and artistically viable to devote your mind to the search for the narrative voice that falls naturally to your hand.

You do this by writing things down like you have, working around. Maybe you'll get a surprise: suddenly it turns out the best way to narrate it is from the point of view of the kid next door, or the dog, or Blake's long suffering mother or something.

A great example of this is in Kesey's "Cukoo's Nest". He was having trouble making it come together and suddenly the character of "Chief" sort of jumped in and announced itself. Once that mute, fly-on-the-wall veiwpoint came into his mind the story, as he says himself, "just fell into place."

On a more practical level: you've got these scenes with various POV's and voices. Why would you want to re-write or shitcan them in order to have it all be from one place? Why not tie your fingers together so you can type better?

Milady · 07-07-2008, 12:47 PM

I agree with Mike and lin in that it would do best from an omnicient or limited-omnicient POV, but if you insist upon finding just one narrator... Well, all I can say is I enjoyed Raine's and Maddox's selections much better than Blake's.

I realize that that wasn't much help... Sorry. Of the two, though, I was more interested in Maddox's because, like you said, he has the most possibility for inner conflict... Raine seemed kind of like the cliché goodie-girl.

Sen Yama · 07-07-2008, 01:17 PM

Thanks Milady. I've been noodeling around this for almost two months. It was driving me absolutly batty!

And Lin, I want to make this in a third limited because I'm tired of omnicient. Letting my writing muscles get flabby.I don't really care what 'writing books' say, unless it's grammar or spelling, neither of which are my stronget.

HippoHead · 07-07-2008, 01:41 PM

Maybe use them all? I liked getting 3 different perspectives - each time a different one came up, the same scene was viewed and thought about in a different way. You can have 3 main characters, you know.

SparkyLT · 07-07-2008, 02:14 PM

i'm with hippohead. I have a trilogy that's like this: the first two run along the same time, from two different perspectives, and the third jumps between them. just an example. but, don't jump between too many characters, I've read book like that that confused the fool outta me. three should be fine tough, if you want to go that way/

Sen Yama · 07-07-2008, 02:17 PM

I guess I'll poke at it for a bit longer before deciding... another reason is because I'm tired of having myself as the manin character (i.e. Raine). Ellia is probably I've ever gotten from myself...

I'll just try and poke for a bit longer.