Taxiday

Please review and critique"

When Squirrel did not see the sun, he grew worried and scurried east. Topping a hill, he saw Brother Sun caught up in the limbs of a huge tree. Squirrel was afraid and started to flee. But, Sun called out, pleading for him to help. “If I do not rise, the crops will fail and the people will have nothing to eat.” Squirrel rushed in time and again to bite and gnaw at the limbs until Sun leapt into the sky. Poor Squirrel, his skin was blackened and he’d been blinded by Sun’s fire. Taking pity upon the poor creature. Sun bade I’Itoi, The Creator to help him. When I’Itoi asked what Squirrel wished, he replied that he wished to fly like a bird. I’Itoi reached down and stretched Squirrel’s skin between his legs into wings and enlarged his ears, changing his voice. Squirrel became Bat and could now hunt in the cool light of Sister Moon.

Rudi learns this and many other stories as he and his grandfather explore and savor the rich beauty and plentitude of the Sonora Desert. He learns of the unique abilities of animals and properties of the plants.

I am seeking representation for SONORA SYMPHONY, the provisional title of my collection. I have completed eight stories of 15,500 words and have many more ideas for others.

I have completed one novel of military intrigue set in Vienna, am finalizing another suspense work set in Las Vegas and am outlining a fantasy piece involving a Celtic Prince, a Druid Priest and a Cherokee Youth set in the Eleventh Century. I have spoken before large groups and am able to do whatever is necessary to help market my works.

Thank you for your time.

The Hack

I thought this was a nice little fable. Is it original, or is it based on some sort of folklore?

There were some really distracting punctuation issues though:


That might be overly nit-picky, but that's all I've got. Good luck with your collection.

lin

I would drop the rundown on the other books you are working on. They don't care. All they see is this isn't your first project, but nothing else has sold.

I would add something to the effect of why you chose them to query. Hopefully because they were associated with somebody who was successful with a similar work.
(Not because they're on the internet and accept email)

I don't know if you plan on leading off with your synopsis, but I wouldn't. Start off with

"I am approaching you to represent my novel "Sonora Symphony" because of your success with the similar book, "Sinaloa Sympathy" by Juan Mor Gringo."

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Taxiday

Thanks for your comments but, I finally got it through my head that this is NOT A FICTION QUERY!!! It is a non-fiction proposal. Based on guidelines I've gone over from a variety of sites, this is what I came up with that meets what they seem to want:

I am seeking representation for a multicultural nonfiction work in process tentatively titled SONORA SYMPHONY. It is a collection of stories about the flora and fauna of the Sonora Desert and Native American Mythology. I have completed eight stories of 15,500 words with many more that I am working on to attain whatever is necessary to be marketable.

Eleven year old Rudi Marshall is torn between two worlds. His father is Caucasian and his mother is Papago. He lives in Hikiwan on the Tohono O’odham reservation in Arizona. His schoolmates continually belittle him as a half-breed bean eater. Rudi’s grandfather knows what is happening and moves nearby to be his mentor. He teaches Rudi to savor the rich beauty and plentitude of the Sonora Desert. One such experience is viewing the never-ending battle between Horned Lizard and Roadrunner. Grandfather passes along the lore and culture of his people by telling the boy stories such as the highly condensed one that follows:

Squirrel did not see Sun rise so he scurried east. Brother Sun was caught up in the limbs of a huge tree. Squirrel was afraid and started to run away, but Sun pleaded for help. Squirrel bravely rushed in time and again to bite and gnaw at the limbs until Sun could leap into the sky. Poor Squirrel, he’d been blinded by Sun’s fire and his skin was blackened. Sun bade I’Itoi, The Creator to help the poor creature. I’Itoi asked what Squirrel wished and he replied that he wished to fly like a bird. I’Itoi reached down and stretched Squirrel’s skin between his legs into wings and enlarged his ears, changing his voice. “I will call you Bat, Little One. You can now hunt in the cool light of Sister Moon.”

I feel that with illustrations, this could be very attractive to those who love nature and wish to understand the delicate balance of things. People who appreciate the magical stories of Native Americans will also enjoy reading the legends.

While I have not yet been published, I have completed one novel of military intrigue set in Vienna, am finalizing another suspense work set in Las Vegas and am outlining a fantasy piece involving a Celtic Prince, a Druid Priest and a Cherokee Youth set in the Eleventh Century. I have spoken before large groups and am able to do whatever is necessary to help market my works.

Thank you for your time.

lin

If you are doing a non-fiction proposal you want to google that phrase up and find a tutorial or template for doing one.

It's pretty specific type thing in some ways and the very fact that you handle it properly will have a lot to do with whether people read it, much less hit on it.

Seriously, this is a no-nonsense undertaking and you need to research it.

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