|
Addict
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 139
|
Need help with this short section
I've been resisting posting anything from the big project I'm working on whilst it's still in draft mode, but I'm just really stuck with this part.
Basically the main character's mother is throwing her annual barbecue (very upper-middle class by the way, think marquee and caterers dowsed with gin and tonic) and is wandering around aimlessly before he spots an old friend. The relationship between him and her is very important and this is the first scene we see them together. I really can't get any of this right, because firstly I don't think the lead up is very well written (it sounds really contrived when I read it) and the actual conversation just doesn't seem right.
Anyway, enough talk, here it is.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Feeling he was getting too old to be playing bartender for the pleasure of his mother and her friends, Richard left the drinks table to wander about in the populated, yet still immaculate, garden. Briefly finding himself in the midst of a large group of the men, he immediately left after noticing his father to avoid listening to a monologue of stock prices and golf club greens. Dodging his way around the crowd of people he found himself feeling awkward again. He had gotten used to adult company whilst away, but back in this environment he couldn't feel any more like a child, despite holding his drink in front of him as an attempted symbol of maturity. Gently sighing he caught himself staring absently at a dead leaf playing in the wind, dancing across the forest of feet before landing on the top of a woman's shoe. Glancing upwards, Richard gave a small start after seeing whose shoe it had decided to sit itself on- Imogen Hartford's.
The leaf left the shoe to resume its waltz, but Richard's gaze remained upon Imogen. The wind was curling the base of her white summer dress, causing it to elegantly flutter about her ankles. Occasionally though it would carry itself upwards, leaving hints of a white pair of smooth legs, before coyly falling back again. She was standing alone, yet she seemed perfectly content sipping on her ice cold Pimms. There was something about her aesthetically pale skin, and elegant brunette hair, that always made Richard imagine her as some sort of paradigm of feminine innocence; even though he knew it not to be the case. It didn't take long however before she noticed him looking and opened up into a smile before strolling over.
“Oh my god Richard, it's so good to see you!” she said emphatically as the two embraced each other, whilst taking care not to spill their drinks.
“I know, it's been ages.”
“Yeah, not since...”
There was a pause as both remembered their last moments together.
“Christmas.” Richard said pointedly, before quickly changing the subject.
“So how's Cambridge?”
“Oh it's fantastic!” She said, bursting into another smile. “How's Warwick?”
“Also fantastic” he said, grinning.
“But it's such a shame you didn't get into Cambridge.” She said with a frown, as if she hadn't heard him. “Honestly it was so unfair, there are loads of people in my tutorials who aren't as good as you, and it's the most brilliant place in the world!”
“Well I'm happy at Warwick,” he said with a shrug.
“Hmmm... ok.”
It seemed as though neither were entirely satisfied with the other's response, but before allowing another gap in the conversation, Richard started again with “So how long have you been back for?”
“Oh, well my exams finished two weeks ago, but I only just came back yesterday because all my friends were staying a bit longer for theirs, and you know, any excuse not to come home.”
She laughed and rolled her eyes, as if she had made the most wonderfully witty remark before asking “and you?”
“Err, yeah. I came back yesterday too.”
This time there was no avoiding a pause, as Richard tapped his feet on the grass and Imogen swilled her drink, both of them averted each other's gaze.
“So if you just came back yesterday I'm guessing you've not had a chance to see Michael then?” he asked finally.
“Oh god, don't.” She said, shaking her head. “It's all so fucking awkward.”
“You know, I think he might be here.”
“You're joking... are you positive?”
“Actually I was the one who let him in.”
“Urgh! He's such a fucking loser.” She said, throttling the air with her free hand.
“So not wanting to get back together then?” He grinned at her.
“Definitely not. You know what he used to do when we were going out?” She said, raising her eyebrow. Richard looked at her expectantly, wondering whether she was wanting him to guess.
"Um..."
“You know how I'm allergic to latex right?”
“I didn't.”
“Well whatever, I am. Anyway, we obviously needed to use latex-free condoms, which cost a bit more. So he used to make me pay the extra amount because it was “my fault.””
Richard laughed.
“Well let's be honest Immy, it basically is.”
“Ha ha. The stupid thing is that I don't even think we needed them.”
“In case your vagina is the only part which isn't allergic to latex?” he said sarcastically.
“No, I mean, most of the time when he would... you know... nothing would come out.”
Richard stared blankly at her.
“You know, that does happen sometimes,” he said, in a slightly condescending tone.
“What, like nine out of ten times? I don't think so. And when it did happen, it just sort of, dribbled...”
“Thanks for that,” he said, laughing.
“I know it sounds silly, but I'm pretty sure he's infertile.”
Richard considered it for a moment
“Maybe he just wanks a lot and doesn't like to mention it.”
“Oh, yeah”
“Hey, I do it all the time.”
Imogen just laughed as Richard closed his eyes in embarrassment.
“Well you may actually be right because I never got the impression he was completely satisfied. After the first time we both did it, he turned round to me and said “you were really good, but can we try that again, only this time, you know, not shit.””
Before he could stop himself Richard said “You're not shit.”
Imogen opened and closed her mouth, unable to decide whether to respond or not, and so compromised by sipping her drink.
|
