VengefulDistain

Lilly left her apartment on Devitt Lane, heading for the bus stop. She wished she had the keys to Jed’s motor bike, although if she had she would probably run it into a wall. Taking out her ticket, she waited and started thinking she should probably move her Grandma into a nursing home so she didn’t have to go all the way there when she was sick. Lilly stood up, fingering the cross that hung around her bare neck. She hadn’t been feeling well herself lately. Hot and cold flushes were always there to greet her when she woke up, after having fitful nightmares where she’d be watching her Grandma scream and writhe in pain through a window in her house, burning alive. After slipping the ticket into the machine, Lilly sat down and started rubbing her hands as to dispel the feeling of coldness that had set over her. The surroundings look dull and forgotten, Lilly thought, as the bus drove past the eastern side of the neighbourhood. Maybe she would catch a glimpse of her boyfriend as the bus descended into the poor suburbs. Depression settled over her as she looked down the street that was slipping past. Children were playing in the playground, which was half destroyed and contained numerous shards of glass and metals that could easily give the children diseases. These kids didn’t deserve this; they needed proper ovals and clean districts protected by the police and council. If only Lilly had the power to help these kids, and eliminate the subtle classes that ruled this city. Lilly hated how the richer people treated the poor people like dirt and never showed respect to them, even though many of them or kind hearted and would give up their lives to save some one else’s. That’s why Lilly had decided to live in the middle district where she could observe the rich and poor as to one day try and take away the subtle ranks or classes that had hold of the city.
The bus stopped outside Number 6 Federal Street and Lilly jumped off the bus. Walking down the road to her Gran’s house, Lilly felt a sudden sense of foreboding has she neared the house, coupled by an intense heat rush. She walked up the gravel path and grabbed the hidden key from under pot plant. Entering the house she could smell the chocolate fumes that had tainted the house from the days it was owned by the world’s best Chocolatier.
“Gran!?”
“In hear Lillsiepopkins”
God did Lilly hate that nickname.
She gagged as she walked into her Grandma’s room as she could immediately smell that stench you get when you go near some one sick.
“Oh my…how sick are you?!” Lilly exclaimed as she could see vomit on the carpet and blood stains on the pillow. Her Gran said she was just a tad touched with the sniffles…a bit of an understatement.
“Oh I’m ok, could you just fetch me a bucket from the laundry?”
Lilly left the room, glad to be free of the retched stench and fumes. Turning the corner, she entered the laundry and knocked over a bottle of cleaning liquid next to the washing machine. Lilly cursed and as she went to pick up the knocked over bottle an extreme heat rush overcame her and poured down the length of her body, feeling like it was pouring out of her body. As Lilly’s hand grasped the bottle a spark leapt from her finger and hit the spilt liquid. An instantaneous burst of flame ignited the floor, setting fire to every drop of spilt detergents that had ever fallen upon it. Lilly panicked and threw up her hands as bottles ignited and explode like fireworks at a summer carnival and set fire to everything in the room. The noise was unbearable, metal groaning and clanging as bottles exploded, glass shattering from the heat. Lilly suddenly felt a raw power envelope her as flames cantered up the walls. Wrenching her eyes open, Lilly felt as if the power suddenly wanted to draw itself into her, wanting to fill her with power. At that moment the flames angled their way towards her, Fire pouring from all directions into a cyclone around her body. Bringing them into a ball above her heart, the flames circulated and sucked themselves into them. Power raged into her hands sucking the flame into her body until all that was left was the destruction the fire had caused only moments ago. Sitting down, Lilly only left a moment to revel on what had just happened before gathering herself and drawing in her emotions so that she could deal with the problem at hand. Slamming the door to the laundry behind her, Lilly searched for another bucket while she relieved in the fact her Gran was too ill to go into the laundry, or anywhere else for that matter.
Grabbing a smaller bucket from under the sink, Lilly sped to her Gran’s side, wondering and hoping she hadn’t heard the commotion. Lilly’s Gran motioned to her hurriedly. The bucket just managed to get to her Gran’s side before a wave of bake bean smelling vomit erupted from her Gran’s mouth. Since the bucket was too small, the vomit splattered up the sides and onto Lilly’s hands and her Gran’s bed sheets.
“Oh fuck” quivered Lilly, turning to go to the kitchen sink to wash her hands.
The warm water poured over her hands, washing away the sick and warming her now cold fingertips. Calming down, Lilly thought about the burnt laundry and the fire erupting from her fingertips, then back into her. What was that? How did she do it? Many more questions circled around her head, searching for an answer. Did it have something to do with the splitting pains and flushes she’s been having lately?
As if on cue, her head screamed with pain, causing Lilly to buckle and hit her head on the sink. The pain worsened, pushing itself to extremities. It felt like someone and smashed her head with a sledge hammer, then running her skull through with a hot iron rod.
Lilly screamed and tried to move to the phone, her hand shooting out, reaching for its place on the table. Grasping the receiver, she tried to dial the emergency help number but finding the receiver was melting, running in-between her fingers. The tiles on the kitchen floor cracked around her like thin ice. Lilly’s tears steamed off of her cheeks, burning her eyes.
The pain increased, taps exploded, sending water in arches over the kitchen benches. The water evaporated, but seemed to still be holding together in clumps, making the walls look like a shimmering waterfall before grouping together on the roof. Flames leaked out Lilly’s nails across the floor, setting drawers and table legs alight. The water still poured, grouping in an unusual metallic puddle on the roof. Looking up, Lilly screamed as flames shot out her eyes and dribbled in molten chunks from her mouth. Her yells echoed unnaturally through-out the house until she saw something in the water on the roof…
…a face, staring straight into her flaming eyes.
It stared at her, almost worryingly, tears seeping out her eyes. Below it’s head, arms sprouted from the water, rippled and blue like the water she hid in. Slowly moving her arms forward, the disembodied voice rung out like chimes through Lilly’s head, softening the pain.
“Don’t let them take you; you are important to the man who is to save the world. Without you, we will all die, plunging into darkness. Don’t give in” with those words the pool of water cascaded down, crashing upon Lilly, extinguishing the flames pouring from her body. Tongues of fire climbed the walls as if to get away from the icy torrents, but they were to no avail. The water hit the ground, then rushed towards the walls and slid back up them towards the roof before reforming into a woman’s naked body, landing before Lilly.
“Don’t give in to the people who are coming to see you, they are horrible beings that steal the innocence from people who are ill-informed about who they serve and why, all that you know will come to an end, do not become one of them, please…” and with those final words the naked woman dispersed and vanished.
Lilly sat on her knees, tears running down her cheeks, dripping to the wet floor. Lifting her head, she groaned as the pain split through her skull. The room was dark, lit by the little lights on the roof. Attempting to stand, Lilly swayed as the room swam before her eyes. She staggered to the sink, but as she placed her hands on the basin, it crumbled beneath her, turning to ash. Lilly hit the ground and turned over onto her back. As she looked up, she realized that what she thought were lights on the roof were in fact stars, the roof had been burnt away. She looked around the room, not much was left of her Grandma’s house, only ash and some remains of the corridor walls. Panic started to rise in Lilly’s chest.
“Gran!” Lilly screamed as she got to her feet and ran like a drunk to her bedroom, or whatever was left.
Looking around the room Lilly tried to spot her Gran, but couldn’t see her anywhere. That’s when she realized her Gran’s bed was a pile of ash. Lilly turned and dry retched. It couldn’t be… her Gran couldn’t have been burnt to ashes. She imagined the screams as her Grandmother’s skin slowly melted over her body, skin bubbling, the blood boiling in her body, killing her instantly before burning away to her flesh…to her bones.
Tuning, she decided to leave and try to make for her house. The floor behind her, as she left, caved in because of the basement beneath the house. Lilly looked behind her expecting to see a basement, burnt and ruined. Lilly didn’t see this, what she saw was a pit of darkness that seemed to swirl and condense. The darkness rose out of the ground and solidified into a shape. Lilly didn’t get to see what the cloud took on; just the sudden feeling to get out of there seemed to envelope her making her want to turn and run. Fear filled her, unbidden and unwanted. Running, Lilly got out the house, not knowing where she was going, just running to get rid of the fear…the pain. Images continually flashed across Lilly’s mind, images of what her Gran might have endured, images of flames licking the walls, burning the house she grew up in, burning the memories. Anger started to fill her. Why had she been given this? Why would god punish her like this? She was angry at herself, angry at God.
As she ran she wished for speed because she noticed the stars blinking out above her, darkness taking over. Her anger channelled her energy, she ran as hard as she could. She could feel heat rising in her chest.
Oh no not again, she thought, until she remembered what the lady of water had said. Lilly concentrated, trying to get a hold of her ability. It was easier than she thought. Her mind held on to the energy inside of herself. Lilly then thought of how things can be propelled at extremely high speed with the use of concentrated fire. Lilly saw a cliff coming up ahead of her, a river flowed below. If her ability got out of control, at least she’d land in something that would put her out. Looking around, she noticed the darkness covered most of the sky and was starting to arch down in front of her, at the end of the cliff. Fear swept over her, making sweat bead her skin. Lilly was very close now, the cliff only a few meters away. The darkness coalesced in the air, swirling and moving like steam off hot water. For a split second she doubted herself but she quickly buried the feeling and jumped of the cliff, flames exploded out of her body and span in a tornado of flame around her body. The darkness moved in, attempting to grasp her but Lilly span and dived in between the tendrils. She let the flames erupt out of her body, layering on the speed. Steam rose from her body as she flew through clouds and narrowly missed a plane. Looking behind her, she saw the darkness was nowhere in sight. She had escaped, she thought, but as she turned a figure in a black leather robe appeared in front of her and smacked her across the face. Flames spewed in all directions as plummeted towards the earth, but Lilly quickly recovered and shot a blast of fire that righted her again. She hovered there and looked around her, expecting a second attack, and it came. The black clad figure appeared in front of her again attempting another smack to the face, but Lilly was ready. She let a bubble of fire explode out from her body, flinging the being through the air. Lilly wasn’t going to see if it survived and she put her hands in front of her, willing the flames to shoot from her palms. The figure flung out it’s arms, stopping in mid air, seeming to grab a hold of the air around it. Flames shot from Lilly’s palms and roared towards the being, the heat so extreme the air around the channel of flame rippled with heat, but the being was ready. It’s arms shot forward and a funnel of air hit the fire head on, right in between Lilly and the figure of darkness. The air acted like a tornado surrounding a spear. The spear sliced through the flame, sending the fire into the swirling of air around it which shot the flame outwards, unable to hit the being. The air spear hit Lilly in the stomach, not hard enough to impale her but enough to send throw her backwards.
He must want me alive, Lilly thought, otherwise he would have just killed me there and then.
Before she could stop flying through the air the being had appeared behind her and smacked her in the back of the head with a hit hardened with the power of wind. Lilly fell, unconscious, heading straight towards the ground where a pool of darkness awaited to envelope her, to take her into the realm of darkness.
The figure looked down at the disappearing body and took off it’s hood, “Hmm…I thought my daughter would have been harder to obtain”.

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SEX IN A BUCKET OF KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!!!!

phurst

Lilly left her apartment on Devitt Lane, heading for the bus stop. She wished she had the keys to Jed’s motor bike, although if she had she would probably run it into a wall. The last sentence not necessary as it doesn't add but subtracts from the story. Taking out her ticket, she waited and started thinking she should probably move her Grandma into a nursing home so she didn’t have to go all the way there when she was sick. This last sentence was too convoluted to flow well. Maybe 'She became lost in thought as she held her ticket and waited for the train. perhaps she should....."Lilly stood up, I thought she was standing fingering the cross that hung around her bare neck. She hadn’t been feeling well herself lately. Hot and cold flushesFlashes/flushes? perhaps you are from England and they use that word? That's why we want to know where you are from, I look at you without suspicion. were always there to greet her when she woke up, delete commaafter having fitful nightmares insert commawhere she’d be watching 'thouugh her window as 'her Grandma scream and writhe in pain through a window in her house, burning alive. After slipping the ticket into the machine, Lilly sat down and started rubbing her hands as to dispel the feeling of coldness"started rubbing her hands to dispel the chill that settled there' that had set over her. The surroundings look dull and forgotten, Lilly thought,fix this as it doesn't ring as something someone would think exactly 'The dull and listless surrounding depressed her. as the bus drove past the eastern side of the neighbourhood. Maybe she would catch a glimpse of her boyfriend as the bus descended into the poor suburbs. delete as useless infoDepression settled over her as she looked down the street that was slipping slipped past and delete the waspast. Children were playing romped and delete were playing in the playground, which was half destroyed 'filled with broken swings and empty seesaws' delete which was...' contained numerous shards of glass and metals that could easily give the children diseases. She can see the shards? And cuts not disease would be the concern.

I don't have a lot for you. The reading was so difficult I had to quit. There is something compressed in the writing plus it seems to jump from one thought to another without any ties. I never got a feel for the scene at all. Maybe you have moved the story too fast. Lilly went through too many feeling from the beginning to the end of the first para, I didn't know what she was feeling. Try to smooth it out by slowing the action and seperating the doing from the thinking. This isn't too helpful I'm afraid. I hope some else can explain it better.

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