Character letter (600 words) - Writers Forum

lilacstarflower · 06-16-2008, 04:05 PM

The letter read as follows:

My Dearest Adeline,

I trust that this letter will find you in the best of health and comfortably settled living amongst your siblings once more.

I find myself writing to you much sooner than I intended, for I expected to be preoccupied with all the duties of a captain’s wife as soon as we reached these shores. It would seem, however, that my husband takes as keen an interest in the running of our home as he does his ship. It is in his nature to manage the tasks before him and have all areas of life run smoothly with little conflict. He has been extremely efficient in most matters, from the hiring of servants to choosing the furnishings for each of our rooms that I am at a loss as to how I can help.

Forgive me - I get ahead of myself. I shall tell you first of the journey over for I know how you loved to hear your uncle talk of such adventures.

To start with the crossing was pleasant; we were blessed with good weather and bright waters. This was pleasing enough as there was no other scenery to be had. The constant bobbing of the ship eventually gave me a bout of nausea forcing me to confine myself to bed. Had it not been for the many delightful parties aboard, I fear Captain Brien would have had the odious chore of staying with me below, where the only practical occupation he would have would be to entertain a sickly wife. Being neither a man of meaningless conversation nor a great reader, his time was best spent amongst company. He joked that I was not much of a sea-man’s wife and would soon be used to the rough ways of the sea. His wit amused most aboard and the ladies, on the occasions I managed to take in some air upstairs, often commented that I was lucky to have such a sociable and agreeable young husband.

On our way to our new home, we passed a good many sites of interest; castles and ruins mainly. I thought of you often; how you would be blissfully happy on a summer’s day to take a chaise out to each place and paint what you saw in your unique romantic way. My heart was heavy, knowing you will not be able to draw these things for my pleasure as you once did. I think you would like Ireland very much, Emily. There are plenty of wooded areas and fields where one could easily be lost. We could have enjoyed our walks and gossiped of our new acquaintances. How I would have liked that.

As I previously mentioned, Captain Brien had taken care of most matters as soon as we arrived. I was surprised to find that Kildare House was as large as it was, but my husband assured me we would need the room for the gatherings of our friends and his own business matters. I did not realise business would look for him so soon. A few days after our arrival he received a letter, the result of which has taken him out of town for a few weeks. I would have liked him to be more settled before being rushed off, especially since he neither had the time nor inclination to seek out his friends immediately. Until he returns I find my only discourse is with the house staff on dull matters.

I wish you to write to me as soon as you can and tell me all about life at –shire.

Yours truly,

Aunt Torrance

This is a regency-based excerpt. Just really looking for any thoughts as to the tone of the letter. Trying to make it sound ambiguous, but it's driving me crazy now. Sick of reading it to myself.

phurst · 06-26-2008, 12:11 PM

To start with the crossing was pleasant; I'd re-write this. Something doesn't sound right. Maybe missing a comma after with.
was no other scenery to be had. I don't like this either.
the only practical occupation he would have would be to entertain the would have would be is too much.
sea-man’s wife and would soon be used to the rough ways of the sea. Sea and sea. How about using ocean?
His wit amused most aboard and the ladies, on the occasions I managed to take in some air upstairs, often commented that I was lucky to have such a sociable and agreeable young husband. I stumbled over this one but it may be just me or the italics

As for what you are trying for, I found it to be just what you wanted. It read well and like something from that period is you are in that period of 'sails'. Good work

lilacstarflower · 06-26-2008, 03:04 PM

Thanks Phurst - appreciate the feedback

edropus · 06-26-2008, 03:22 PM

He has been extremely efficient in most matters, from the hiring of servants to choosing the furnishings for each of our rooms, so much so that I am at a loss as to how I can help.

Bolded my suggestion above, I think without that or something like it the sentence is confusing in its composition.

My impressions of tones:

As is appropriate for the period (and this is very appropriate for the period, well done) she has concerns and hints to aspects that bother her but in no way actually complains, only suggests. In this way it is masterfully ambiguous. The quickness with which her husband leaves after their arrival could be an unimportant sidenote or the point of the whole letter. There's really no way to tell. Well done.

lilacstarflower · 06-26-2008, 03:37 PM

Thanks Edropus - I've just added that to my revised draft. Thank you