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I served four tours of duty in Europe during the Fifties, Sixties and Seventies plus one tour in Vietnam and assure you that the places and events are factual.
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This is very good info...I'd place this closer to the top. Now I want to know what you're going to reveal and I'm compelled to read more.
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Yezidism, The Cult of Seven Angels, has agents throughout the world gathering information to preserve its secret existence until the ancient prophecy is fulfilled. (This doesn't grab my interest...maybe save this for later).
Waltzing in the Shadows is a historical novel of 160,000 words is a tale of intrigue and romance (maybe remove) that takes place during 1978, 1979, and 1980 about events leading to the fall of the Soviet Empire and the rise to power of radical Islamic Fundamentalists.
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The story’s theme is that intelligence gathering is not the glamorous adventure depicted in James Bond novels.
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Are you sure that's the theme? It doesn't sound like a theme. This could be a real problem if it turns out your theme isn't about dirty intelligence work.
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U.S. Army Sergeant Bill Sampson is assigned to a Defense Department Office at the American embassy in Vienna, Austria. Ursula Weber is an officer in the Austrian State Police who Sampson meets before leaving Washington, D.C. Through Weber, Sampson receives unerringly accurate and extremely sensitive (are these adjectives really necessary?) intelligence about activities behind the Iron Curtain and in the Middle East. They are unaware that the source of the information is The Cult of Seven Angels, referred to as The Society. (Why is this important?)
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The information places them in danger from a source within the Carter Administration and, when an unsanctioned surveillance fails to reveal the source, an assassination is contracted, the attempt unsuccessful.
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I'm confused at this point. Why does the information place them in danger in the Carter administration? It seems like you've changed focus from the intelligence they've received to determining who the source of the intelligence is. So, if the information puts them in danger, what does this have to do with the source? Explain why this is important. Why would an assassination attempt even be necessary? Tell me why.
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A new administration accepts and uses the information.
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What new information? The source of the information or the actual information?
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Bill becomes involved in unfulfilling liaisons before learning the truth of a Gypsy Fortune Teller’s words that “a close friend will be the only one.”
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Why are unfulfilled liaisons important and what does it have to do with "the truth" from a a fortune teller? Tell me why this is important. It seems you're missing critical information that doesn't actually pique my curiosity, but instead tells me your story might have some huge holes in it.
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Bill and Ushi find their mutual love, wed and depart Vienna at the end of his tour, leaving behind qualified people to continue the receipt of the vital information.
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That's the ending? It's extremely unfulfilling as told in your query letter. Explain why this is a good ending and how it is related to the story. I'm presuming you're sending a synopsis, so you don't need to repeat your synopsis here, but this letter doesn't make a lot of sense in detailing what happens in your story. I think you've written this letter while being too close to the project and are presuming everyone who reads it will know the answers. You need to raise some good questions that your story will answer, but the questions you're raising seem to raise confusion instead of curiosity. Maybe take a step back, let your story sit for a while, and then come back to it and ask yourself what it's about and fill in the holes.
