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Old 05-06-2008, 07:46 PM   #1
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Shadeland: The Prologue

It was happening. Now. Tantalus grinned, relishing the moment. In just a few more seconds, he, Tantalus, would be the ruler of all of Hades—the Shadeland. His skin was pasty, just like the bland color of the walls of new houses. His tattered gray cloak matched his stringy hair.
Baring his sharp teeth in a morbid grin, Tantalus stabbed the Hades, the god of Shadeland; the Underworld, whatever you want to call it. Hades grimaced in pain as the sword pierced through his body.
“I can’t be dying….” Hades thought aloud. “I’m immortal…” Hades’ paler-than-death skin turned, if possible, even paler. His crown fell off, tearing his regal dark clothing in the process.
At this, Tantalus had to chuckle, soon howling in mirth.
“No, no, my soon to be former enslaver. This blade I just stabbed you with? It’s laced with poison straight from Tartarus. Even so called immortals can’t survive this. Oh, and the agony I felt all those years standing in that pool of water, reaching for a sip of it or trying to grab an apple? That’s nothing compared to the pain you’re going to be feeling.”
As reality hit, Hades’ spasms grew worse and worse. Despite his slowly dimming life-light, Hades managed to send one last message to his faithful wife and companion, Persephone. It was an ageless prophecy, from the time of Uranus and Gaia. The prophecy read:
As the first immortal dies
There goes one of Kat’s nine lives
Four children, one timelessly wise

As the moon leaves its ban
Strive no more in vain again
No longer will she be so plain



A queen she is, none the less
Her companion in scarlet loves to jest
Friends they are, best of best

Together in a string quartet are four faces
Doesn’t matter what their race is
Violin, viola, cello, bass

Always together, these four friends
Will help the Shadeland make amends
Together ‘til a bittersweet end

After the prophecy, Hades wrote:
I am the first. Our love will be forever. Tantalus—

His message was cut off as his spasms started again, worse than ever. Even though his message wasn’t complete, Hades was now feeling like death wasn’t such a bad thing. Forever, after all, is a very long time. Taking one last wavering breath, Hades the king of the Underworld sent his message to Persephone via shadow and died, becoming part of his former domain.
Tantalus put the fallen crown on his head, feeling the power rushing into him and smiled again. It was a smile reeking of evil, of victory, of a bratwurst-flavored breath mint.
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Old 05-06-2008, 08:09 PM   #2
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I would have to be a Greek Mythology buff to enjoy this.

As such I found this very out of my league.

But well written none the less.

Ungood.
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Old 05-06-2008, 08:15 PM   #3
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Make the third sentence, the first sentence. It flows better that way. Otherwise your opening two sentences elicits a "why should I care feel" or at least that's how it was with me.

"Hades’ paler-than-death skin turned, if possible, even paler." - perhaps use the term 'a shade lighter.' I just feel a line like that would be better used later down the track where the sense of humour of the story or author had been established.
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Old 05-07-2008, 01:28 PM   #4
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An interesting read. I like your descriptions. I dont get the "breath mint" bit though.
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Old 05-07-2008, 09:38 PM   #5
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Thank you for the critiques.
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Old 05-07-2008, 09:57 PM   #6
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"I would have to be a Greek Mythology buff to enjoy this.

As such I found this very out of my league.I would have to be a Greek Mythology buff to enjoy this.

As such I found this very out of my league."

Wait... what? lol
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