Wildcard

“What is that?” I asked. The thing that caught my attention was over by the filing cabinet. I had been eyeing it for the past couple seconds trying to make out what it was. It had started out looking like a bundle of cotton but now it was beginning to look like some kind of insect.

“What is what?” Kevin asked, trying to follow my gaze. He was sitting at his computer and I’d been standing behind him as we went through a few recent software changes to the company’s database. His office, like mine, wasn’t very spacious and the piles of paperwork covering his desk added to the already claustrophobic feel of the tight walled room. The cottony looking insect thing sat snugly on a batch of files and appeared static as I walked over to have a closer look.

“What is what?” Kevin asked again. I ignored him; too taken up with trying to figure out what it was.

As I grew closer, it began to look less like cotton and more like a spider. Actually it was a spider. No… was it?

I leaned forward with my hands pressed against my kneecaps as I viewed the spider-looking-thing. It was a kind of rusty brown color and it had six very long spider-like legs. It lay on its back which was shaped like the shell of a crab and it had two very long antennae poking out on either side of its abdomen.

“How did that get there?” said Kevin peering over my shoulder.

“Beats me,” I replied.

“Is it dead?”

“Looks that way.”

We both stood there for about a couple seconds staring down at the spider-crabby thing when I finally had the idea to put it into something. I began looking around the cluttered office for something, anything. My eyes fell on a Styrofoam cup containing the relics of Kevin’s morning decaf.

“What are you doing with that?” he asked as I emptied its contents into the waste-bin next to his desk. “I wasn’t even finished with that yet.”

“I’ll buy you another cup,” I responded absently. I picked up the file the Spider-Crab was on and held it up against the office light and for a brief moment thought I saw it move its legs. I stared at it a little while longer but didn’t see any further movement so I dropped it into the cup and it hit the bottom with a barely audible, spider-crabby thud.
“Why the hell are you putting it in a cup?” Kevin asked pushing his glasses up onto his nose.

“I’ll use it as a paperweight,” I replied grinning.

Kevin shook his head and returned to his desk.

“Personally, I think the world would be a better place without those things.” he said. “Rats, roaches, flies, mosquitoes…not to mention spiders…” he nodded in the direction of the cup.

“I don’t think this is a spider,” I replied, examining my find.

“Well whatever it is, things like that make me believe that god really hates us. I mean, what purpose do they serve other than to spread diseases and add to the decay of an already decaying planet?”

“Awww c’mon, they aint so bad,” I said stealing a quick glance at him. “You know there are people who actually eat these things right?”

“Yes. I also know that there are people who drink blood and worship Satan, but you don’t see me doing any of that stuff.” His glasses slipped down his nose once again and he absently pushed them back up. “And what the hell do you plan to do with that?” he gave the cup an apprehensive glance.

“Well first I’m gonna find out what it is, then I’ll try selling it on eBay,” I replied.

“It’s a goddamned spider. What is there to find out?”

I grinned at his expression. He was looking at me like I was holding a steamy lump of shit instead of a Styrofoam cup.

“Last time I checked, a spider has eight legs not six.” I responded.

“Maybe two of em’ fell off as it journeyed from Spider-Land to my office,” he shot back. “And would you please take that thing out of here; you’re beginning to freak me out.”

Kevin was this way about almost everything. He was one of those types who would drive comfortably below the speed limit no-matter-what, or spend at least fifteen minutes at each intersection (the closest approaching vehicle probably being blocks away) making absolutely sure that it was safe to proceed.

I’d made the mistake of letting him drive me home once. Count on him to make twelve blocks seem like twelve miles. Either way that was the first and last time I ever asked him for a ride.
“Borautious” was the word I’d conjured up for him – supposed to be a cross between boring and cautious – and he would always get to fretting whenever I used it.
I’d say something like: “So how do you plan to spend your weekend Kev?”
He’d reply: “Oh I don’t know, probably do some reading. You know I started this new biography-”
This is usually the part where I’d cut him off and say: “Wow, how borautiously obvious that you would waste your weekend on reading some idiot’s biography. Have a blast pal!”
As always he would roll his eyes and say – in the best all-geek-no-play voice he could muster – something like: “There are many ways to indulge one’s self that don’t include booze, loud music and half naked women running around. Unfortunately your nature of thinking won’t allow you to grasp that reality.” Then he’d smile to himself while I’d just leave the room shaking my head in both pity and defeat.

Kevin was incredibly skinny and incredibly pale.
His plain, shaved face fit perfect with the rest of his appearance. There was nothing distinguishing about it, except probably the broad rimmed spectacles he wore which made his eyes appear bug like, and made him look ten years older. I remember the first time he told me his age I outright laughed in his face.

“Twenty-eight? Yeah right.” I said. “C’mon seriously, how old are you?”

The diminished expression that followed wiped the smile clean off my face.

“Oh shit, you really are twenty-eight?” Then I remember feeling like a complete idiot for the next few seconds.

With all that said I liked him. Honestly, I think guys like Kevin are some of the best friends to have. Guys that would actually listen to you when you have something to say, and despite how much you ridicule them, would never get really pissed or try to get even.
And I loved teasing him – mostly because he made it so damned easy – but he’d pretty much gotten use to it by now. He actually expected it most of the time.

__________________
"Even if you win for the short term, you'll ultimately fail, alive or dead. Imagine if the great men from the past - men who thought they were working to shape the world – could see what their efforts have yielded. There is no change. There is no hope. Marx failed. Hitler failed. Jefferson failed. I just don't try."
-- Reilly (Everyday Madness)

Wildcard

I left Kevin’s office (not before taunting him some more with Mr Spider-Crabby), and headed back toward my own. It was a short distance with a couple of cubicles in between, where the other staff either clacked away on their computers or chattered on incoming calls. It was your typical cluttered office. Phones ringing every few seconds, and people in ties and suits buzzing up and down like bees in a hive.

APEX STANTON was the leading developer of anti-virus software in the state, and our division was one of three specializing in network and administrative functions. We were located on the fifteenth floor of the large corporate A/S building in downtown Manhattan and acted as the towboat for the other two divisions. They specialized in a much broader aspect of networking while we were into a more ‘minor-league’ form.
Our information was still very critical to them. Overall I’d say the business was like a huge car. The other divisions would be the engine and other important internal parts – all necessary for the proper function of the vehicle – while my department was the tires. And as much credit as those bastards upstairs were sucking up, I’d like to see the person who can drive a car without tires!

I passed Kathryn’s cubicle and peeked over.

“Hey,” I said. She was simultaneously checking through two files while twirling a curly lock of her long, brunette hair.

She looked up and offered me a warm smile. “Hey you. Don’t you have work to do?”

“No matter how busy I get, I’ll always make time to come check out those legs of yours.”

She crumpled a piece of paper and threw it at me.

“I often ask myself how I could ever have dated you.” she said grinning.

“Awww, wasn’t it my charm? Not to mention my boyish good looks.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Kathryn Delgado was in my opinion the ideal woman; a gorgeous smile, perky breasts and legs that seemed to go on forever. We’d been going out for about six months when she decided we should slow it down. She said she needed space and time to think things over. I protested of course, but eventually had no other choice but to surrender. We still kept close contact (I made damn sure of that); I even joined a gym in an effort to woo her back to me physically. That didn’t last too long.

“I’ve got something for you,” I said.

“I’m all ears,” she replied running a hand through her hair.

I reached over and handed her the cup. She leaned back in her swivel chair as she examined it.

“I don’t even want to know where you found this,” she finally said, still gazing into the cup.

“It was in Kev’s office a few minutes ago.”

“Was it dead when you found it?” she asked, giving me a stern look.

“What? I didn’t kill the thing.” I couldn’t blame her for naturally thinking that I’d do such a thing. When it came to insects I had a squish first, ask questions later mentality.
“It was just like that when I found it I swear.”

She grinned and looked back into the cup. “Is it some kind of spider?”

“I don’t know. I doubt it.”

“It looks like one.”

“It only has six legs,”

She pushed the cup closer to her face.

“One, two, three, four…oh yeah you’re right.” she said. “You said you found it in Kev’s office right? He must’ve freaked.”

“He practically threw me out,” I replied. We both laughed.

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” she said handing me the cup. “Maybe you discovered a new species of spider or something. You’ll be famous.” She smiled.

“Yes and then maybe you’ll come back to me.”

Her smile faded a little. “Who knows?”
She turned away from me and buried herself in her work once more. My cue to leave.

I hate my office, I thought as I pushed the door leading into my tight space. I think I’d liked it better when I worked in the cubicle area with everyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my job, I just hated this goddamned office. Imagine being stuck in an elevator for eight hours a day. Sucks doesn’t it?

And let’s not forget that god-awful smell. There was always this musty smell, like a dead rat that’d been doused with disinfectant. I’d mentioned it to my boss on more than one occasion, and every time I did he’d just whiff the air and go: “Smell? What smell?”

Asshole!

I squeezed my way between my desk and the filing cabinet, and slumped down into my swivel chair.

“Here we are,” I said glancing into the cup at Mr Spider-Crabby. “This is where I spend most of my days.” I placed it on the desk next to my computer.

“It aint much but…you get used to it.”


I leaned back in the chair as I surveyed the room. I chuckled briefly at the sign Kevin had stapled to my bulletin board:

If you’re reading this that means you’re bored. GET BACK TO WORK!!!

Hanging next to it was a plaque which read:




“Yup,” I said. “This is what you get for being good at what you do; a stupid plaque and a shitty little office to hang it in.”

I picked up the cup once more and peered inside.

“Of course, you wouldn’t have anything like that to worry about would you?” I waited a little while as if expecting some kind of response. “All you have to do is lie around looking all spider-crabby and stuff; right?”

I began shaking the cup around a little.

“Yeah, I bet you’re real popular with the ladies; a real Crabby-nova. Aint ya?”

Small thuds could be heard in rapid succession as I began to shake the cup even more violently.

“What, you don’t have anything to say?” I continued as Mr Spider-Crabby bounced off the Styrofoam material of the cup. “So you’re gonna just lay there?”

I was shaking the cup so violently at this point that my hand appeared a blur before my eyes and my shoulder began to ache.

“SAY SOMETHING YOU LITTLE SHIT!” I practically screamed.

For exactly how long Frank Harper had been standing in my office doorway, I would never know. What I did know however, was that I’d never been as embarrassed in my entire life as I would be for the following few minutes.

“What on earth are you doing?” he asked.

I felt my entire body freeze; even my heart stopped beating. If I had any fluids in my bladder at that moment, I’m sure they would have spewed all over my khakis.

“And who the hell are you talking to?”

I pulled my gaze away from the cup with agonizing effort and looked up to face him. His plump figure stood in the middle of the doorway, with one hand resting on the doorknob. There was a batch of paperwork tucked under his other arm, and a stupefied expression fixed to his face.

How the hell didn’t I hear him open the door?

He was wearing one of his ugliest ties to date – undoubtedly selected with much care and attention from his never-ending collection – and the expression on his face was clearly asking… no, demanding a lot more answers than he’d pursued thus far.

“Hey Frank,” I blurted. I could only begin to imagine how awkward (awkward being a major understatement) I must have looked to him at that moment, and the sweat rapidly forming on my forehead didn’t help at all.

“What are you doing?” he repeated. His expression hadn’t changed, neither had his location. It was almost as if he was second-guessing whether or not he should enter the room.

Think of something goddammit! Don’t just sit there looking like a complete ass… and for Christ’s sake, get rid of that cup!

__________________
"Even if you win for the short term, you'll ultimately fail, alive or dead. Imagine if the great men from the past - men who thought they were working to shape the world – could see what their efforts have yielded. There is no change. There is no hope. Marx failed. Hitler failed. Jefferson failed. I just don't try."
-- Reilly (Everyday Madness)

oscar

Cool. I like the dialogue, and the tongue-in-cheek tone. You've got me feeling a bit sorry for Kevin, and I'm very curious to know what the Spider-Crabby is! Great way to capture the reader's initial interest.

There are a few grammar/punctuation gripes which you'll pick up easily with some close reading, and I felt that this paragraph:

seemed to cut in a bit clumsily - you could perhaps find a smoother way to integrate that information...

Otherwise, it was very readable! Keep going!

Wildcard

Thanx for the insight Oscar. I'll see what I can do.

W.C~~

__________________
"Even if you win for the short term, you'll ultimately fail, alive or dead. Imagine if the great men from the past - men who thought they were working to shape the world – could see what their efforts have yielded. There is no change. There is no hope. Marx failed. Hitler failed. Jefferson failed. I just don't try."
-- Reilly (Everyday Madness)