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Writer
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 41
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A novel I'm working on.
I'm 16. I've been writing on and off for a few years now. I'm writing a novel now, and this is what I've written so far. I'm just looking for some thoughts about the writing style, interest, constructive criticism, and stuff like that. thanks.
Chapter 1
1
The time when he realized he was different and didn't just suspect it or think it was a possibility was in the summer of 1999, when he was 15 years old. Two weeks after school was out, Richard was out at the movies with his friends. While he was waiting in line to get his tickets at the Ocean Walk theater in Daytona, he saw her. She turned around and looked at him as he was talking qufte loudly with his friends. Anne Greenburg was wearing jeans and a black T-shirt with pink bubbles all over it. Her long black hair was bound in a ponytail; her eyes were twin oceans of blue that he felt he could swim in and live in a state of eternal bliss, and her smile was brighter than the sun itself. She was with a couple of her girlfriends, who, while Richard would tell you himself they were attractive if asked, he didn't notice them at all at this moment and time.
Anne was 15, and went to the same highschool as Richard. Richard was acquaintances with her, but they never really had a real conversation or hung out after school. Richard would sometimes look at her, and she would look back. He felt like he was spying on her whenever he looked at her, and he felt badly about himself that he was caught. He always assumed that she would look at him and think, "God, what a weirdo!", and tell her girlfriends about the strange boy Richard who was always staring at her. But, he sometimes thought that he was just over-analyzing and maybe she didn't notice him at all, which didn't make him feel any better.
Richard hadn't seen Anne since school ended. The week before then , he decided he would ask Anne out. Each day he woke up with a determined feeling that he wouldn't fail, and couldn't fail, and each night he went to sleep disappointed with himself. But now, he realized fate had given him another chance. He immediately broke off his conversation with his friends upon seeing her.
"Hey, Anne!" he said, while his heart hammered faster and harder than he thought possible, and felt like he was about to throw it up. That'd be something, Richard thought, throwing up infront of Anne.
"Richard, how are you?" She smiled again.
"I'm good, just going to go see Whirlpool." As he said this, he willed himself not to stammer, and, surprisingly, succeeded. "Oh, we're going to go see Lonely Hearts. I wanted to go see Whirlpool, but Jenna and Kelly wanted to sSuee this instead. They're such girls." She sighed and stepped up with her friends to get her tickets. After she got them, she smiiled at Richard again. Richard realized this was his last chance. He knew that he was already given another opportunity, and he wouldn't press his luck and wait for a third time. Even so, he felt like he had this moment in his hands, but it was slowly slipping away and he had to act before it slipped away forever.
So, he asked, "Hey, um, Anne...would you wanna go see Whirlpool later this week, since you. uh, um, couldn't see it tonight?"
"Sure, Rich, we can go Thursday night. But we better go in before we miss the beginning." With that, she walked into Auditorium 7, leaving Rich to wonder if it wasn't all a dream.
Richard was watching the movie, his two friends, Mike and Chad, sitting next to him. He didn't like the movie very much, mostly because it didn't need so much blood and violence. Richard didn't cringe over violence or mind it at all, but, as the old saying goes: Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Mike and Chad, along with most of the other people in the theater, were ooh-ing and aah-ing over all the blood, gore, and special effects, while Richard just sat through it calmly, un-impressed. What's with it with these people? They seriously think this makes a good movie? There's no plot, just killing and special effects. I'd hate to have to sit through this again, even if I'm with Anne. Maybe I'll suggest seeing another mo- The movie was almost two hours in when it suddenly hit him, like a punch in the gut when you least expect it. Richard started to shake, overwhelmed by what he just realized. His hand knocked over his Coke in the drink holder, and several people turned and looked at him and then turned back to the movie. Mike and Chad kept their eyes on him, eyebrows raised.
"Dude..you're shakin' like a leaf." Chad whispered. "You alright?"
"He's too girly for this type of movie." Mike whispered, with a tone of amusement.
Richard suddenly stood up, his foot crushing the plastic Coke cup and crunching the ice inside, and muttered that he had to go, he wasn't feeling very well, and he would walk home. He moved through a line of people, mumbling sorry's and exucse me's. He then went down the steps and exited the auditorium, looking for the bathroom. He spotted it right away, and ran inside, past a worker, quickly entering a stall and locking the door. He sat down on the toilet and ran his hands through his hair, noticing how sweaty it was. He then stood up, and looked into the mirror. His clothes had dark spots all over them, and his face was drenched in sweat. He took a paper towel from the dispender, and wiped his face off. Then he threw it away and splashed cold away over his face. He then sat down, and thought.
What was that...feeling I got? It was so strange...so beautiful, yet at the same time, it wasn't. It was right, but not "right". How come I didn't notice this right away? Maybe I imagined the dream. No. No, I didn't. The dream happened. This wouldn't be so bad without that strange sensation. Damn, now the guys think I'm whacko.
He un-locked the stall door, and left the bathroom. Waiting outside was Chad and Mike, and several other people in a line, waiting to use the bathroom, while the auditorium's black mouth was spitting out an endless throng of people, most of them getting in line. while music blared through the speakers inside.
"Hey. We thought you left already." Chad said.
"No I just had to use the bathroom. How was the rest of the movie?"
"Fucking rocked, dude. Why'd you bolt out of there? You were shakin', too. Didn't know you were such a wuss!" Mike laughed, and put a hand on Rich's shoulder. Rich recieved his friend's touch with a grimace.
"I just didn't feel good. I threw up. Must've been something I ate earlier."
"Oh, well. you're looking a little better now. Oh, I called the old man and he's coming to get us. Sucks that you had to miss the movie. Man, that part at the end where Dr. Miller got crushed by the truck was the best part." Chad said.
"Well now you had to spol it for him!" Mike said, pushing Chad playfully.
Mike and Chad were at the front of the line in the bathroom now, and they both went in. A couple minutes later and they came back out. "Alright, let's go wait outside for my dad."
2
In the car, Chad sat in the passenger's seat, while Richard and Mike sat in the back. Stephen asked how the movie was, which prompted a long-winded rave from Chad and Mike about how awesome it was and how the special effects were so amazing and how it was so cool how Dr. Miller died--"Ahh you idiot you spoiled it again!" Stephen, Chad's father, stopped at a red light when the boys talk quieted down, and turned to look in the backseat, particularly at Richard. "Hey, Richard, you alright back there? You haven't said a word."
I'm not alright. If I told you what happened to me earlier, you'd think I'm nuts. I'm lucky that Mike and Chad believed my lie.
But, he said, "Oh, yeah, I'm fine, Mr. Avery. I just had something bad to eat."
"I hope you didn't eat any meat. You know what I say about eating that."
Stephen was a vegetarian, and frowned upon eating meat. He wasn't the type to dislike anyone for it, however. He was a vegetarian since he was 13 years old. He was especially against eating at fast food places, and would frequently tell you(Whenever you brought up the subject of meat, McDonald's, or any other fast food joint) that meat was undercooked in a lot of places, but you just didn't know it. Why that was so(The undercooked part), he didn't know. This, along with his belief in extraterrestrials visiting earth, the government spying on you, and the elections all being rigged, among many other things, gave him the reputation of a singular fellow. Richard liked Stephen, though. Even though he was a bit of an oddball, Stephen was a good guy, who loved his family.
Chad rolled his eyes at his dad.
"Oh, no. No meat." Richard said, hoping that Mr. Avery wouldn't launch into a diatribe about how wrong it is to eat meat and how the cows suffer for a human being's sustenance.
As the car pulled up to a stop at Mike's house, Mike thanked Mr. Avery for the ride and left the car. Shortly afterwards, they arrived at Richard's house. It was a fairly large house, with a second story. It was painted a light peach, and had a large porch, with several old looking rocking chairs, which were his mom's choice. The roof was copper-tiled, which his father had just recently finished putting on. The front lawn was recently mowed, and the backyard had a garden, with many different types of flowers; azaleas, marigolds, dandelions, and many other kinds covered a large portion of the backyard in a cheerful beauty.
An old, raggedy and ripped tire swing was next to the large banana tree which stood sentry. Richard's parents wanted to get rid of it, or atleast get a new one, so they didn't have that "old thing" in their yard, but Richard insisted that it stay. Richard had it since as long as he could remember, and it felt like an old friend to him. He felt like it held his most cherished memories from childhood. He would be flooded with them whenever he sat on it. To Richard, the tire swing was a well of memories; he could go anytime to that old swing, no matter how bad he was feeling, and sit there and instantly be cheered up thinking about his childhood; the scraped knees, the fire truck he loved to play with that his father gave him for his third birthday, the coloring books, the army toys, the remote control truck. He felt that if the tire swing was gone, then his memories would shatter, and he would suddenly forget them all. He felt that way, but he didn't believe it. Well, sometimes he did.
Richard loved to think about his childhood all the time because it was a time of freedom. No job(He didn't have a job now, but his parents were strongly urging him to get a job in the summer this year or the next), no pressure in school, no social troubles, nothing like that. His childhood was an ocean to him, an ocean that he sailed through without worry, in which the wind was just the right speed, the waves just the right size, and no sharks. Now he felt like sharks were all around him: this strange, bewildering experience he had tonight, the pressure to start "bucking down harder(As his parents put it)", for school, the need he felt of getting a girlfriend, and the all-around stressful experience of teenage life were sharks with gaping jaws, incisive teeth, and an endless mouth of terror which he felt he would get swallowed up in. The loss of freedom was suffocating his enjoyment of life. He wanted to be a child forever, but he knew that he had to one day live an adult life in an adult world. That scared him more than death itself.
"All righty, Rich, my boy. Here's your stop!" Stephen said enthusiastically. After a few seconds where Richard said nothing, and did nothing, Stephen turned around and looked at him. The boy had a glazed look on his face, looking like a lifeless zombie.
"Yo Rich!" Chad said loudly. Life returned to Richard's eyes, and he looked at Chad and Mr. Avery. "Oh, sorry. Was thinking about something. Thanks for the ride." Richard got out of the car, and went inside. Stephen looked at him quizzically, and then drove away.
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