Sabsz

I think I need a little help. Currently, I'm writing a short story about teenagers who hang out in a park and are basically the 'cool' kids and the troublemakers. They drink, get high, steal, etc. Then, one night, a few days before school starts again, they decide to have a little fun.

The kids end up killing a girl who they have titled a 'loser'. It was all an accident and they really didn't mean to do it.

So far, I'm up to the part when they go to the girls house just to have a little 'fun' with her. My problem is that I can't seem to think of a plausible way for them to kill her and still make it an accident.

I'd apperciate any ideas. =] I'll be glad to post up what I have currently if anyone wants to see it.

-- sabsz

slayerofangels

Mix pills and booze? Knock her head off of something?

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Sabsz

Hm, I like the pills and booze thing but it's not really that violent. I wanted her death to be all violent. I'm not sure why but I think it fits like that.

But I do like the pills and booze idea. If I can't think of anything else, I might use that. Thank you so much. ;]

Does anyone have any other ideas?

Wallmaker

Well, dares are helpful, if they tell this outcast girl that she has to do something dangerous to be cool, she could die in the attempt.

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Sabsz

Oh, that sounds interesting. I didn't even think of that. I'd have to change the personality of the outcast though to fit. But I really like that. Do you know if the kids would be charged for murder, though?

Thank you so much. =]

HippoHead

you could make it ironic :}

like, they let her go and shes about to walk out the room, when someone whose juggling knives accidentally lobs all 3 at her :}

PUT THAT IN NOW!

>=O

Sabsz

Lmao. That's hilarious. ;] I don't think it would go well with the story, though, rofl. [sarcasm] A bit too serious, y'know. [/sarcasm] =]

omginternetlord

When you say "fun" do you mean "rape"?

Being specific would help. Or perhaps you're not sure at all.

LolliAdverbs

I'm all for the dare thing.

If it were me, an I think we should all thank god that it's not, I would have the death have nothing to do with the kids at all. Like, she walks into a tree branch that stabs through her eye and INTO HER BRAIN (*dramatic pose*), or accidentally gets hit by a car (maybe while she's running home crying). But that's because I like to explore strange things like, if you messed with a girl and she happened to die that night, how guilty would you feel?

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Modify yourself.

Noirllyn

If they didn't intend to kill her, it would be manslaughter, unless of course it was decided that they intended to kill her even though they didn't, or that they intended to cause grievous bodily harm to her. Charges can't be decided until after the crime is committed, friend.

Reading other ideas, I think a combination needs to be had, rather than just a singular, direct cause. Perhaps they were drinking and getting high--walking around together at night. Maybe her favorite place to hangout is a junkyard or garbage dump, maybe an abandoned factory or condemned house. They could be playing truth or dare--that's helpful and realistic. And perhaps she's reluctant to live up to a dare--even though he's cute. Maybe he's actually a drunk she, teasing the "loser" about her sexuality. Maybe she starts playfully swatting at her and giving her light shoves. Maybe the floor is weak, or there is a precipe of sorts nearby.

Don't think about it as "how she dies". Think about it in terms of "the events leading up to the death of..."

If you look at a news report of a death, rather than the obituaries, the events leading up to the death are usually given emphasis. Yeah, car crash? What's that. People want to know if they were speeding, drinking, smoking, screaming at their boyfriend over the phone. Were they coming from a party where lots of underage kids were doing vile things?

Start thinking about this from the point where your clique decides to go meet up with this girl. Decide what they're going to do and "one thing will lead to another..." and before you know it, you'll have knocked the kid off.

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Sabsz

You all have wonderful ideas!

Well, definitely not rape because in this 'clique' is girls too. There's three boys and two girls in the clique.

I think I'm going to change the outcast girl's character. I'm pretty sure with the 'dare' idea. That's an awesome idea.

How about this:

Trisha (the girl whose narrating the story), Arnie, Evan, Duke and Rachael are all drinking and getting high in the park. It's about two days until school starts again and Arnie is a highschool drop out. So before his life gets boring again (the others have to go to school thus leaving him alone), he wants the summer to end with a bang.

They leave the park and start walking around the neighborhood. Eventually, they run into her waiting for the bus. Melanie (the girl) is crying, she's basically hysterical. The kids have always hated her. So they decide to mess around with her. She tries to get away from them but they won't let her leave. They circle her and start pushing her. Melanie somehow gets out of the circle and runs into traffic to get away. She is hit by a car and shortly dies.

I know theres no dare but how realistic does that sound? Here's another scenario:

The kids leave the park and walk around the neighborhood. They run into Melanie Thompson sitting on the beach, just looking at the stars. She's always been a little desperate to be friends with them but they never really liked her. They get into talking, they've been really nice so far until Arnie brings up the idea of truth or dare. They start messing around. Arnie dares her to take off all her clothes and swim in the ocean. Their plan was to run when she was in the ocean and take her clothes. However, Melanie never came out of the water. She screamed from the water but they were too scared to help. After a few minutes, she sunk beneath the water and never came back out.

Which do you think is better? I know both are poorly written but I wrote them spur of the moment. Are they realistic?

spiderwitch

Perhaps it could depend on what 'fun' they had with her. They are young and the possibilities are endless. I am sure there are ways, ranging from drugs to a sexual game or something. The way you describe 'fun' sounds like something the characters might enjoy, but not her. Give her a chance to fight back or a resistance. Women in fiction today are tough enough to fight back, not wimps.

Then depending on your story, there is always the possibility of hazings, or a ritual they performed that went wrong accidentally.

Oh well here's some ideas
give it some thought
Heddy

Sabsz

Thank you, Spiderwitch, for all your suggestions. And thanks everyone else.

Well, it should be incredibly fun for them but embarrassing and cruel to her. I've decided that her death will be an accident brought on by them.

I'm currently leaning towards the drowning. I won't exactly make her wimp. Just a little desperate.

Thanks for your ideas. =]