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Old 04-17-2008, 12:38 PM   #1
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Apocalypse Game-A Novel

1

Karaka Slater sat completely apathetic to her predicament. Only shades of sunlight that managed to slip through the blinders offered any light, vague outlines of other desks and a chalk board visible to her. The only sounds came from outside the room, the occasional walk by discussion, the endless tap tap tapping of a pencil followed by maddening scribbles. Karaka twirled some of her long, green hair in her finger, over and over. She was fairly tall, close to five and a half feet, but her slouching made her seem shorter.

How long are they going to keep me in here? I just want to leave already, is there even a point to this?

The door opened swiftly, the assault of light forcing Karaka to shield her eyes. She couldn't quite see the man except for a blue suit, business like suit. He turned the lights on, the assault on her eyes continued to the point Karaka moaned out loud. She rubbed her eyes vigorously. No fair at all, that hurts! You lock me in this dungeon for who knows how long and then turn on all the lights like that! If I have any eye damage I'm taking suit!

"I assume the symbolism is lost on such a simple mind like yours. The dark is where you're heading miss, and the longer you're there, the harder it is to adjust to the light. I hope you can at least understand why you're here" said the man. Karaka's eyes finally adjusted to the light, taking a good look at the man she knew only as Principal. The contempt showed in her face, almost out of instinct.

"No, I don't sir" said Karaka. She avoided eye contact with him for reasons she didn't know. She looked to the clock that she could now see. Two hours she had spent in there. "So you don't see anything wrong with disrupting a gym class?" asked the principal. "I've seen guys do it all the time, what's the big deal" said Karaka.

I know what the big deal is alright, but you won't say it. You'll sugarcoat it and try to make it sound like something else. Either that or you'll skip it completely. I'm going with the second one, you'll skip it completely.

Silence fell like a drape over the room. The ticking of the clock ticked, ticked, ticked like a timebomb. The Principal tapped his fingers on his leg, Karaka again rolling her finger around in her hair. Both took notice of the other's mannerisms, looking for visible weakness behind it, as though they were a shield for their most uncomfortable plight. Their faces were apathetic, unreadable.

"Karaka, allow me to be blunt. There's no place in a functioning society for girls like you. For society to function, every member must know their place, but you can't quite understand your place" said the principal. Karaka's finger stopped twirling, instead letting the finger slide out with a sense of tense grace.

The clock kept ticking and ticking. Tick tick tick tick.

Karaka stood up with such ferocity the principal risked falling over in his seat. "Why don't you go ahead and tell me what my place is!" snapped Karaka. The principal tidied himself up, unable to mask the sound of his heart beating like a hammer against a door and with all the intensity, thump thump thump thump. The expression on his face seemed to convey a mixed feeling to Karaka, as though he wasn't sure what to think. Karaka's own heart was beating from the adrenaline rush, her arms quivering, her voice choked up not from fear but from an intense realization and satisfaction of her actions.

Silence again. Tick tick tick tick, thump thump thump thump.

"The Girl's Graduation ceremony is at Three o clock this saturday. You have just enough to graduate, I don't see why you're so rebellious now. Is this where you want to spend two hours after school for the next two days? You don't have to come here, all you have to do is follow the rules, or are they too complicated for your simple little mind? You should be grateful of the circumstances of your birth. You have a simple life ahead of you, a simple life for a simple mind. You're a beautiful young lady and a good catch for any boy, I don't see why you would want to complicate things. I want to issue this warning and I want to issue it now miss, that the next time you cause trouble, detention will be more severe. Now please leave here and please see to it we don't meet like this anymore" said the principal.

Karaka stormed outside the room and of the school as well. She was greeted by the empty hallways that had such an ominous feeling to them, almost like a preface to macrabe intentions. Sometimes she wondered if spirits wandered the hall ways. It was an eerie experience. This was in stark constrast to the outside where the sun radiated with a beaming light expressing the joy of being in it's presence.

A simple life for a simple mind

She strolled down the concrete road, smooth a surface as could be imagined that was busy as ever, people walking back and forth across Karaka, but she noticed not a single one, lost in her own world of thoughts.

I'll take it! I'll take your harder detentions! Keep making them harder, I'll keep taking them and the only thing you can do is watch me take them without a problem and realize you lose. You sit there and talk down to me, you sit there and try to tear me down, go ahead, I'll take it all and then some! I'll be gone in two more days and you won't have the satisfaction of breaking me down, like you break down other kids. I'll never cry in front of you, ever. I'm stronger then your other girls, I'm stronger then your boys, I'm stronger then you.

Her school was known for it's rigid discipline system. The principal was the main antagonizer. He would have his boys hit and his girls verbaly hit. Eventually they all either broke down crying ot dropped out of school, unable to take it. Karaka kept taking his blows with a quiet dignity, though they were far from painless blows. Every put down was like a needle into the arm, a slight stab of pain for one, but as more and more come in like the stingning of a thousand bees, the pain begins to grow.




Karaka's home wasn't anything special. It was a one story house with brown rugs carpeting the entirety of the floor. Wind chimes hung by the door, the music they create soothing Karaka's mind upon entering every time. They had an average sized television but no Media Players. The curtains were dark green, currently open to allow the streaks of sunlight to stretch across the floor and even to the walls.

Karaka saw dinner already on the small round table, a clean white cloth over it with bright red beads strung on the edges. Her father walked in, placing his own dinner before him. Her father was a sturdy man reaching his fourties. However many commented he looked like he was in his twenties, and many considered him to be the oldest ladies man in town, even though he had no ambitions for another woman. He got a kick out of such a compliment none the less. He adjusted his glasses, taking his seat at the table. "Typical school day huh?" he asked.

"Pretty much" said Karaka sitting down. Her father had not punished or even scolded her for some time, and Karaka took notice of this. It wasn't his usual behaviour, and Karaka sensed something was wrong. However she didn't prod into his affairs, so he wouldn't prod into hers. No, she figured, that wasn't it. Scrape, scrap, scrape, chew chew chew. Their clock was digital, no tick tick ticking. The silence wasn't nearly as tense as with the principal


Buzz.

"I'll get that" said her father. He went over to the door, a middle aged woman standing there. "Sorry to bother you but I came to-

Her father walked away hurriedly, rushing up the stairs like officers going in for an arrest, coming down with a book he handed over to her. "Thank you very much for letting me borrow this" her father said. "Any time" said the woman. She looked past him at Karaka.

"How are you doing?" asked the woman. Karaka turned with a bright cheery face. "I'm fine" she said. It wasn't an act. Karaka looked to all the world as anti social, but in reality, friendly converse would see her mood brighten immidiately. "Your daughter is so nice, I hope mine grows up the same way. You know those terrible twos. Well, I better get back" said the woman. She walked away. Karaka thought about that woman, thought about her going home to her daughter, cuddiling her, putting her to bed, feeding her. She felt a moist sensastion building up in her eyes, wiping her eyes before it could come to fruition. Karaka wasted no time finishing with her dinner.



The cemetary looked even more unpleasant under the radiant sunlight, almost as a metaphorical clash of light and darkness. The shadows of the tombstones were like death itself staring at anyone walking by. The light made the tombstones look almost glittery, at least at the very top of the tombstones. The ground was only half covered by grass and for all the world looked to be as dead as the people buried in it.

The cemetary however was even worse today then the normal, as today is was accompanied by frightening cries from agony that could pierce Hell itself. From beneath the ground something was tearing through. It wasn't even in a grave, but rather inbetween the two. A hand came out, a hand easily tripled the size of any human hand, with grey flesh that looked almost decayed. It stabbed into the ground, trying to pull out the rest of it's body.

This new light, this new world, this new body, and the only thing of old I carry, is hatred. Hatred for you.



Karaka's backyard wasn't big by any means, surrounded by small wooden posts, it more resembled a tiny piece of farmland with moist and plentiful grass over it. Karaka's backyard, like most, was as exposed as the front yard, which she was fine with. The only material within the fence was a tall, wooden post. Karaka slashed at it with her sword. The sword was about three foot in length with white steel, the tip and sides masterfully crafted and razor sharp, with a golden handle. Karaka swung hard and fast, imagining the principal as she struck the post. She was pouring in sweat, people walking by just shaking their heads at her. After another harsh swing, she finally fell backwards, an ensuing struggle to catch her breath following. She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh of satisfaction, the feeling of the cold sweat running through her body giving a relaxing sensastion.

Her father walked outside with a phone. Karaka sitting up and grabbing it. "Hello?" asked Karaka.

Her father was inside washing dishes when Karaka walked back in with the sword in hand. "I'm going out tonight" said Karaka. "Allright, just don't stay out too late" he said. Karaka nodded.

"Oh, and one more thing Karaka. You know dangerous the streets are at night. Take your sword with you, but only use if necessary, understand?" he asked. The blade retracted into the sword handle. "Fine" said Karaka. Karaka looked at her father for a moment, again wondering why he was so laid back. She turned and decided best not to question it.
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Old 04-17-2008, 12:44 PM   #2
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Note:These interludes are meant to explain things that, if explained fully in the story, would come off as hackened. They are not really part of the story but are important in understand things.

Interlude:Explaining Sexism

Karaka's world is one similar to our own in many ways but a very different world overall. In this world, society is taught from day one females are inferior period. Girls have cooking classes instead of gym classes, are never called upon to ask questions in class, and even punishment varies. It is legal to smack around a boy for the sake of discipline, but for girls being locked away in detention is the fit punishment. Girls are also given easier tests and get 10 points automaticly for being a girl.

Girls are taught their destiny is to get married, become an obedient wife, maybe get a nice little job like a secretary or waitress, and above all, don't interfere where they don't belong. Girls are also to remain loyal to one man. Those who go through multiple are whores. Men who go through multiple girls are studs.

This works out well for the goverment. This world is different in that much more emphasis is placed on violence for the average male. They are taught by parents that violence is how you settle matters, so most don't even go to the police, perfering to either take care of matters themselves or hire mercenaries.Females however are not allowed to call upon mercenaries and it's forbidden to teach them how to fight so they become reliant on the goverment, and with just over 45% of the population female, this allows the goverment to keep a grip on society. They're the ones who mandate such treatment.

Most girls don't question it because they are taught that they are quite stupid and wouldn't understand the world they inhabit. The few who do go against the norm generally end up badly and are outcasted by society. The same goes for what few males question such treatment in society, they become outcasted and shunned as well. Most are hit so hard with these stigmas that very few ever question it anyway.

In this world there are a group of people with powers beyond the normal person. There is no particular name for them. Most male ones become mercenaries or even get into crime sindicates, most female ones keep their powers secret and never reveal them for fear of being outcasted.

Last edited by Ore-sama : 04-17-2008 at 02:06 PM.
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Old 04-18-2008, 01:18 AM   #3
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Cut the interludes. I can figure most of that out already just from reading the text. If you want to keep them, I wouldn't suggest saying "Karaka's world is very similiar to our own". It's somewhat patronizing. The best way to do interludes is, I think, is to find a unifying theme. For example, Asimov in the Foundation series used articles from the Encyclopedia Galactica, and other author's use "newspaper articles".

It would be an interesting idea, that is if you weren't doing zombies, if you used underground literature for your interludes (like underground femmenist pamplets). This would give a nice flavor to the story, even though the reader wouldn't be able to understand everything as true (political pamplets do tend to exaggerate.)

As for the story above, if you are married to the idea of revealing characters thoughts, then it would help to have those denoted in some fashion, i.e, italics.

I'll comment on the story as I see more But I would like to mention that if Karaka's world is so sexist, would they really let her storm out the office like that? A lecture is fine and good, but the principal sounds more like he's going through the motions than he is actually being a chauvinistic asshole.

And uh oh... Karaka's got a sword! What will happen next?
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Old 04-18-2008, 03:59 AM   #4
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The door opened swiftly, the assault of light forcing Karaka to shield her eyes. She couldn't quite see the man except for a blue suit, business like suit. He turned the lights on, the assault on her eyes continued to the point Karaka moaned out loud. She rubbed her eyes vigorously. No fair at all, that hurts! You lock me in this dungeon for who knows how long and then turn on all the lights like that! If I have any eye damage I'm taking suit! - is this supposed to be dialogue? If they are thought follow them with , she thought or such or denote them somehow.

The principal tidied himself up, unable to mask the sound of his heart beating like a hammer against a door and with all the intensity, thump thump thump thump. - I've only heard my heart beat once and I was in the wilderness. Nobody else heard it.

Too much tick, tick, tick, thump, thump. Use sentences.

The principal was the main antagonizer - I think you mean disciplinarian

and then it gets too slow to continue.


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