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You have a few choices to go from here, Industrial... #1, make it longer and include Jim or set up parallels with where Jim is now #2 Get rid of Jim (I like Jim, so don't) or #3 Refocus the story to what exactly happens with Jim. What I get halfway through the piece are some huge events which could be their own novels. I mean, you have grandma dying, the mother dying... the house going up for sale, the father happy about all of it somehow. These a big things and Jim is so small and specific in comparison that it really makes this piece feel split.
Still, I was happy to stop and read this.
Cheers,
Kay
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