Gate

“Out Of The Ice”


The helicopter decending over the Silent expanse deep in the Antartic interior was sending up huge talcum clouds of loose snow. The landing area should have been sprayed down with a light fog of water-salt.
“I can’t see a damn thing!” Pete Conrad the pilot yelled toward McIntyre (Mac) Geffe. Geffe was flying in to see why the drilling crew had missed check in last night.
“Terrain avoidance system on?” Geffe asked yelling over the noise from the helo’s screaming turbine.
“Yeah but it defaults to warning lights inside twenty five feet” the pilot explained.
“I’ll just set us down real damn slow” Almost before he got the last word out the men jolted lightly forward in their seats. The chopper was down. Mac Waited for the blades to slow and the engines to die down before he opened the door. His mind was on his drill master Ted Fingle. Ted was one of the best in the world. Mac re-read the comms officers report. ‘December, 28th 2010 22:47 Contact with Big John drill crew @ 22:35 Drilling proceding through 71,000 ft., All well.’ ‘December, 29th 24:01 No Contact.All com checks complete….Satellite “ping” procedure conducted, negative response. The drill derrick was fifty yards behind them. Mac slid the door open and was immediately seized by the numbing cold. As much as he hated to come out to ‘site’ it was his responsibility.
“I’ll Make sure they got on a fresh pot Pete” Mac shot before he shut the door”
“Ok great, I’ll be there right after I finish the shut down”
“Roger that” Mac said back. He closed the door.
A few moments later Pete heard some frantic screaming coming from the direction of the derrick.
He popped open his small slider to stick his head out and see what the commotion was all about.
“Start it up!” Mac was screaming and running toward the chopper. He fell, looked back toward the derrick.
“Start it up now. NOW!!”
“For God Sake hurry!!”

Fourteen years ago in 2012 China and India’s Economies were swelling to unprecedented Proportions. The two former ‘third worlders’ had begun to show signs of economic and fiscal savvy right before the collapse of the American dollar in 2009. Massive exports to the U.S. and the European Union had caused the surge. The price for these two behemoths growth was costing the U.S. dearly. When the two countries struck a bargain with O.P.E.C. for 50% of their proven oil reserves it left the U.S. stranded in a no mans land of economic decline. Exxon and a mid sized independent, Anadarko Petroleum Merged to create, Exarco World Energy. With Exxon’s Money And Anadarko’s expert geologist the hunt for more fossil fuels was on. New developments in high grade ceramics lead to the worlds Deepest drilling.A discovery in the interior Antartic in late 2010 was poised save the U.S. The reserve was estimated at seven times larger than all the middle east put together. Then it happened. Drilling deeper then ever before Exarco discovered the buried civilization. At 71,284 feet the drill hit empty space. Problem was, it wasn’t empty at all. 4,500 feet below the bore hole was a vast city. And that discovery preceded the end of life as we knew it.
Today is April 7th 2026
.
There are only a few of us left. What we know isn’t much. What we don’t know could fill volumes. Yesterday the code discovered eight years ago imbedded in the Viral D.N.A. the drilling had loosed on the world was broke. It wasn’t man made, but it was designed by something or some intelligent life form. The message was a warning. A warning we didn't find in time.


SO WF PEEPS HOW DO YOU LIKE IT SO FAR???? More to come

__________________
" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."

Ungood

Ok... lets see what you have...

Looking good.. but it looked good before..

Quote:

Fourteen years ago in 2012 China and India’s Economies were swelling to unprecedented Proportions. The two former ‘third worlders’ had begun to show signs of economic and fiscal savvy right before the collapse of the American dollar in 2009. Massive exports to the U.S. and the European Union had caused the surge.

read this... 14 years ago in 2012 China and India had swelling economies just before the American Dollar fell in 2009

That is what you just told me... it does not add up... I would drop the 14 years ago part and just say... "in 2012 just three years after the fall of the amercian dollar china .... Bah..."

Quote:

The price for these two behemoths growth was costing the U.S. dearly. (This sounds off)When the two countries struck a bargain with O.P.E.C. for 50% of their proven oil reserves it left the U.S. stranded in a no mans land of economic decline. Exxon and a mid sized independent, Anadarko Petroleum Merged (Anadarko needs to be a world leader in something relating to geology for this to be believable) to create, Exarco World Energy. With Exxon’s Money And Anadarko’s expert geologist the hunt for more fossil fuels was on. New developments in high grade ceramics lead to the worlds Deepest drilling.A discovery in the interior Antartic in late 2010 was poised save the U.S. The reserve was estimated at seven times larger than all the middle east put together. Then it happened. Drilling deeper then ever before Exarco discovered the buried civilization. At 71,284 feet the drill hit empty space. Problem was, it wasn’t empty at all

All in all... quite good!

Ungood.

__________________

Sam Winchester

The helicopter decending over the Silent (unless this is the name of something, why is it capitalised?) expanse deep in the Antartic interior was sending up huge talcum clouds of loose snow. The landing area should have been sprayed down with a light fog of water-salt. “I can’t see a damn thing!” Pete Conrad, the pilot, yelled toward McIntyre - "Mac" - Geffe. Geffe was flying in to see why the drilling crew had missed check in last night. “Terrain avoidance system on?” Geffe asked, yelling over the noise from the helo’s screaming turbine. “Yeah but it defaults to warning lights inside twenty five feet,” the pilot explained. “I’ll just set us down real damn slow.” Almost before he got the last word out the men jolted lightly forward in their seats. The chopper was down. Mac [w]aited for the blades to slow and the engines to die down before he opened the door. His mind was on his drill master Ted Fingle. Ted was one of the best in the world. Mac re-read the comms officers report: ‘December, 28th 2010 22:47. Contact with Big John drill crew @ (unless there's a way of saying "a circle with an "a" in the middle of it," you say "at". This is speech, after all) 22:35. Drilling proceding through 71,000 ft. All well.’ ‘ (why are you opening and closing speech marks when the same person is talking?) December, 29th 24:01 No Contact. All com checks complete….Satellite “ping” procedure conducted, negative response.'

The drill derrick was fifty yards behind them. Mac slid the door open and was immediately seized by the numbing cold. As much as he hated to come out to ‘site’, it was his responsibility. “I’ll [m]ake sure they got on a fresh pot Pete,” Mac shot (shot what? A gun? Avoid dialogue tags like this. Let the tone indicate the way the sentence was spoken) before he shut the door” “Ok (Either OK all capitals, or Okay. Not Ok) great, I’ll be there right after I finish the shut down.” “Roger that,” Mac said back. He closed the door. A few moments later Pete heard some frantic screaming coming from the direction of the derrick. He popped open his small slider to stick his head out and see what the commotion was all about. “Start it up!” Mac was screaming and running toward the chopper. He fell, and looked back toward the derrick. “Start it up now. NOW!!” (If this is still Mac, this line should be up beside 'derrick'. “For God Sake hurry!!” (Same here). Fourteen years ago, in 2012, China and India’s Economies were swelling to unprecedented [p]roportions. The two former ‘third worlders’ had begun to show signs of economic and fiscal savvy right before the collapse of the American dollar in 2009. Massive exports to the U.S. and the European Union had caused the surge. The price for these two behemoths growth was costing the U.S. dearly. When the two countries struck a bargain with O.P.E.C. for 50% of their proven oil reserves, it left the U.S. stranded in a no mans land of economic decline. Exxon and a mid sized independent, Anadarko Petroleum, [m]erged to create Exarco World Energy. With Exxon’s Money And Anadarko’s expert geologist, the hunt for more fossil fuels was on. New developments in high grade ceramics lead to the world's [d]eepest drilling.A discovery in the interior Antartic in late 2010 was poised save the U.S. The reserve was estimated at seven times larger than all the middle east put together. Then it happened. Drilling deeper then ever before, Exarco discovered the buried civilization. At 71,284 feet the drill hit empty space. Problem was, it wasn’t empty at all. 4,500 feet below the bore hole was a vast city. And that discovery preceded the end of life as we knew it. Today is April 7th 2026 . There are only a few of us left. What we know isn’t much (why not just say "we don't know much"). What we don’t know could fill volumes. Yesterday the code discovered eight years ago imbedded in the Viral D.N.A. the drilling had loosed on the world was broke (I cannot even begin to make head nor tail of this sentence). It wasn’t man made, but it was designed by something or some intelligent life form. The message was a warning. A warning we didn't find in time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have a habit of using capitals where they aren't needed. Get out of it. Also, at the end of dialogue, you need a period, whether it be a full-stop, comma, exlamation or question mark. You can't do this: 'I know what you mean' Bill said.

I got the feeling that the second part of this story (from "fourteen years ago") was written by a different person. It's vastly different in style to the first, and much better in my opinion.

Having said that, you have the guts of a good story here, Brad. I'd like to read more.

Sam.

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booker41

As i'm unable to add anything further to the above comments, I would just like to say, that this is an extremely interesting and intriguing story, and I would like to see more of it.

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I've never seen a sight that didn't look better looking back.

Gate

Thank you all for your advice. I can spin a yarn, but well as you can see my 'wordcraft is lacking....maybe I can get some tutoring in grammar somewhere. anyway I have 86,075 word count on this one and a little over 100,000 on Demon Trap most of it all wrote long hand so when ever I get to the typing and editing part I will need some help...
thank you all again

__________________
" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."

WriterJohnB

Since no one else has mentioned it, Antarctic has two c's in it.

JohnB

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http://www.johnbushore.com

Ungood

You have wonderful story ideas! I really like them... very good... Let no one take that from you !

Ungood

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booker41

Plenty to be learnt by paying regular visits to this site.

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I've never seen a sight that didn't look better looking back.

gr8writer

Good story, I also stumbled upon the names at the start though. Also for some reason turbine doesn't sound right for a helecopter, might be me. I'd have to ask my mechanic husband to be sure.

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Healing

Be gentle, it's my baby.
j/k have fun you won't hurt my feelings.

Sam Winchester

In 1951, the Ka-225 helicopter became the first of its kind to be fitted with a turbine powered engine. Two years later, a modified HTK-1 Kaman helicopter became the first twin-turbine helicopter to fly.

Nowadays, helicopters are fitted with turboshaft engines, which is a form of gas turbine. The difference to its predecessors is that it's optimised to produce shaft power rather than jet thrust.

Edit: In Brad's writing, though, he should have said "screaming rotors".

Sam.

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Gate

really?? two c's...damn spell checker!! must be on the fritz....
BTW you guys give great advice thanks ...I will dust myself off and jump right back into all three of my novels ..slowly delibriately make an effort to correct what I can ...

__________________
" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."

Gate

Oh yeah I forgot ....Ungood Anadarko is a real company right now and they ARE the leader in hydrocarbon geology. They are the ones the majors go to for graphic interfacing and such ...they have such advanced technologies in Houston you can go'
into the three D' seizmic and walk virtually around in the strata..its amazing ...check them out sometime they are cutting edge...

__________________
" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."

Gate

I hope ash reads this....

__________________
" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."

monkeyfaced

All grammar issues aside, I like the feel of this story. It's got legs on it. If you keep it gritty, I'd want to keep reading this.
Good job
Justin

Gate

thanx Justin

__________________
" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."