Overall I liked this. Your sentences, however, tend to run too long. I found myself frequently having to re-read a line to grasp the entire train of thought. Use “and” less, add more commas and semi-colons, and it will be much easier on your reader.
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Originally Posted by tomstrong
It was 6:00AM and I was leaning against the railing of the fishing pier and squinting my burning eyes against the gathering light of dawn. I hadn't (I contracted "had not") slept for forty-eight hours.
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For more immediate interest I’d reverse these two sentences. While I don’t care much what time of day it is, I would wonder why you hadn’t slept for two days.
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The air was thick and smelled of dead fish and seaweed and hung over the water like a wet blanket.
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Consider losing “and hung over the water like a wet blanket.” I got the picture with the first half of your sentence. The second half left me with the impression you came up with this metaphor and just
had to use it.
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The other things I had done ... (This is weak. Try to rework it.)
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I flipped my cigarette into the dead-calm water ... (I added the dash)
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My working vacation had not worked out quite the way I had planned. (... hadn't turned out …)
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