llp

When I left the apartment the sun was up. It was only seven am but it was already creeping up on 80 degrees. I'd bet it was going to be way above 90 today. I thought this was going to be just another day. But it certainly wasn’t my typical day. As I walked out of the building, Mr. Wang tilted his head toward me, because he spoke very little English and preferred using gestures. He owned the takeout Chinese restaurant on the first floor of my building. And, Mr. Wang knew some interesting gestures. But, he had always been polite to me. Plus, his food was cheap and not bad. Especially important, that it was cheap.

I came up to that small dress shop two doors down from my building. Nothing interesting in there. They always seem to be about 5 years behind the styles. I reflected on myself in the glass for a moment. My long red hair was pulled back. Very little makeup. I was glad I lost those extra pounds I had put on last year. When I got depressed, I would eat. Not a good idea. But they were gone and I felt better because of the exercising I had done. I had my lacey top on that looked a little like a conservative gypsy top. And my black skirt. I need to shorten that skirt; it fell to my knees now that I lost weight.

Anyhow, I digress. I had a fourteen block walk to where I worked. Just another small clog in the insurance world. I basically approved or disapproved payments to doctors. I never understood how you can refuse to pay the doctor. But, as per my training, I disallowed a large amount of my claims. Of course, they called and complained. But at least I don’t have to listen to that.

That day was going to be just like the other days, or so I thought. I was on my third block, going by that dirty alley. I never felt comfortable around that alleyway and downtown had a lot of them. Just as I stepped off the curb a man, a dirty looking man, came out from behind a shadow. He looked drunk or at least hung over. But he had blood all over his left shoulder. He approached me and spoke. “Can you help me? Please lady, can you help me?” I looked at him and realized he had been very badly beaten. I started for my cell phone but he stopped me by putting his blood stained hand on my arm. He shook his head back and forth. “Please lady, don’t call anyone. If they find out they will come back and this time kill me.” I looked at him for a minute. He really wasn’t so bad looking after all. Just needed to be cleaned up some. He was about six foot tall, black hair, and gorgeous blue eyes. I was always a sucker for blue eyes. His body wasn’t bad either if he stood up straight. It looked like he had strong arms. The type with good muscles that bulged a little but not over done. He probably wasn’t much over thirty but with all that dirt and blood, it was hard to tell. I don’t know why, but something about him made me want to help. No this day was going to be different. Of this, I was sure.

Getting him back to my apartment was a bigger challenge then I had expected. He tried to help but mostly he was dead weight. Getting him up to the fifth floor was almost impossible. I really needed a building with an elevator. We had to keep stopping. He had lost enough blood that it had weakened him. When we finally got to my door, I leaned him up against the wall and searched for my keys. I had totally forgotten about my very forgettable job.

I sat him down on the couch. My couch was already stained from the previous tenants so I didn’t care if he got blood on it. That was my first, no second big mistake. Helping him was probably my first. Anyhow, I sat him down and helped him take off his jacket, shirt and t-shirt. He had a beautiful body even though it was pale for someone living in LA. Obviously not too much time was spent at the beach. But I should talk. With my fair skin.....oh well.

The wound turned out to be a knife wound. And whoever did it got him good. Not the type that would kill but it sure would hurt like hell. It didn’t go all the way through so I concentrated on cleaning it and stopping the bleeding. He pleaded with me not to call 911 or the police. He assured me that it would only make matters worse. Did I mention I was a sucker for a man with a great body? And, he did have a friendly smile.

It took almost an hour to stop the bleeding, and clean and dress it. I wished I had paid more attention in the first aid class I took in high school. But eventually it was done. He leaned back resting his head on the back of the couch and quickly fell asleep. By now it was well after 9 am. I was very late for my job. So, I decided to call them and fake at being sick. After all, I had worked there for over a year, actually almost two years, and never missed a day or even been late. One day wouldn’t hurt or so I kept reassuring myself.

Once that was done I hung up and realized I was being watched. I turned around and he was staring at me. He smiled and he had me.....whatever he wanted. Nice shirtless body, great smile. He was more then I could handle and I was falling for this stranger. Or maybe just lusting after him. It didn’t seem to matter. But, I at least better find out what his name was or something about him.

I decided to start it off with an introduction. My Mom always said you should introduce yourself when you meet someone for the first time. So I told him “Hi, I am Sarah, Sarah North. This is my apartment that you were bleeding in.” I tried to conjure up a smile as he kept staring at me. He made me very uncomfortable when he looked at me. Sort of an exciting, uncomfortable feeling.

He took a long time and finally spoke to me. “Hi, I’m Josh. I suppose this all looks a little strange to you, me being here bleeding all over your couch.” I sort of shrugged as though this wasn’t the first time nor the last time something like this happened. It was a lie, of course, but he didn’t have to know that. But he never gave me his last name, at least not at that point. I also noticed he didn’t offer up an explanation. This aroused my suspicions again. Just who was this guy and why wouldn’t he let me call the police? I was going to ask him, but he leaned back on the couch and basically, fell asleep. I will give him that, his conscience didn’t seem to bother him, no matter what he was up too.
I left him sleeping there on the couch while I went shopping. I needed more bandages and something stronger to clean the wound to prevent an infection. Besides, I didn’t have that much food in the house either. There was a small grocery store down about a block from my house. I rarely shopped there because the kid behind the counter was on the creepy side. He would leer at me when I came in to the store. In fact, he leered at all the women who came into that store. I am not even sure he knows what he was doing. Or, he might know exactly what he was doing and enjoyed it. I have gotten so cynical since I moved to LA.
What I didn’t want to happen next, of course, did happen. Mrs. Colson was also at the store shopping. She decided to make it her business to make everyone tell her everything she could squeeze out to them. And, sure enough, she came over to where I was standing. “My dear, what are you doing home today? Do you feel ok? Of course you do. You look the picture of health. So what are you up to shopping in the middle of the morning? Haven’t lost your job now have you?” She never gave you the chance to answer her first question until she spewed out at least four or five more of them. And, she could talk for a long time without ever taking in air. I wasn’t about to tell her about my wounded half naked man asleep in my apartment. There was no way! Besides, it was fun to have a secret from her.

She was wearing a strange looking red dress with a slanted hemline. She loved red and wore it all the time. What’s more, she wore the brightest red lipsticks. And, she always made her lips larger then they were, but it was also very noticeable. She was a very strange lady. Actually, most everyone I had met in LA was a little strange. Almost like it was a requirement for living there. Oh well, maybe I fit right in with them. Something to contemplate another day.

So here I was with a wounded man asleep in my apartment and all I knew was his first name. I am taking a day off sick but feeling fine. And then I had to meet up with Mrs. Colson. I wondered what ever happened to Mr. Colson? Or, was there ever a Mr. Colson? I will have to check that out some day, or not. For now I needed to get around her and her questions?

“Hi, Mrs. Colson, how are you doing today? I decided to take the day off as a vacation day. You know, it is nice to have a day in the middle of the week. I can accomplish so much. Well, I have to get going. I have a million errands to run. Bye now, see you later.” And with that I went off looking for my items and got out of that store as fast as I could go. I was amazed it worked. And, I was glad she hadn’t seen the bandages and other stuff I was buying. It would have brought on a barrage of questions. Fortunately, Mrs. Colson saw someone else to bother and soon forgot about me.

As I walked back to my apartment I started to wonder what I was doing. There was a strange man sleeping in my apartment with a knife wound. Who was he? Why was he stabbed? And, what was his secret? I really wanted to know what was his secret. My mind was racing a mile a minute. I kept coming up with more questions and no answers. I almost walked past my building. If I didn’t looked up I would have passed it. This was ridiculous. How could I let a complete stranger dominate my life so quickly? Was I falling back into that same pattern again?

It was one of the reasons I left Dillon. Meeting and falling for the wrong guy. That was my big secret, but I didn’t keep it too well. The whole town knew about my affair with Mitch. He was the coach of the men’s baseball team. Young, good looking and married. It was the married part that I didn’t know about at first. Mitch lived in a near by town, but not Dillon. Actually only Mr. Taylor, the principal of the school knew he was married. And since Mr. Taylor was fooling around with the math teacher, it didn’t seem to bother him much about Mitch. It was a mess.

I think all small towns are the same. Everyone gets into everyone else’s business. And since I was alone, I was an easy target. I had lost my mother over two years before. After that I eventually packed and left. My father had run off almost 15 years ago. Got into the car, picked up MaryAnn the town’s beautician, and off they went. Not much of a story. Actually sounds like a soup opera except that it was my life.

It wasn’t so easy for my mom. She struggled to make ends meet by cleaning other people’s homes. It caused her to have a stroke at too young an age and she lingered in the hospital for several weeks. Just enough time to eat up her small savings before she died. After selling the house, I just had enough money to pay off her funeral, pay off her debts and move to LA. That is why I ended up here in this building. The rent wasn’t as bad as one of the nicer buildings.

Good old Dillon. I hope I never see it again. Besides, I don’t even have anyone there anymore. My family was gone. And, my friends all moved away as soon as they graduated from high school. Some didn’t even wait for that. I would have left sooner if it wasn’t for my mom. She didn’t want to leave. She kept hoping my father would return. He never did. I heard he died in a car crash a few years after he left. I don’t know why, but I never told my mom. I didn’t want to take away her one and only hope. She didn’t seem to have anything else.

As usual, when I am walking I start remembering. Lately, I always seem to think of Dillon and how much I wanted out of that town all my life. Well, most of my life. Probably wasn’t so bad when I was only a toddler. I really hope that I never have to go back there ever. I know that none of my friends have ever gone back. And they left a lot soon then I did.

I started climbing up the stairs of the stoop. I looked up and could see the tattered curtains on my kitchen window. They were being pushed around by the soft breeze. I wondered if my new friend Josh was awake. I did like that name. It was a good name, biblical.

I wondered how older people could stand walking up and down those stairs everyday. Then I thought about who lived there and realized most of the older people either died or never left their apartment much. There were five floors, six if you count the Chinese restaurant on the bottom floor. And I think that the second floor had a few businesses on them too. It was hard to tell. I lived on the fifth floor. There were two large apartments and two small ones. I lived in one of the small ones. I only knew one other person on my floor, in the other small apartment, and that was Tiff. Her name was Tiffany Louise Billings. She dropped the Louise the moment she moved to LA. If asked she would tell you she was studying to be an actress. She had made a few of those movies that you could rent from a store that had a curtained backroom. Not one of the movies that I would have ever seen. But it didn’t matter. She was nice, she was friendly and she lived across the hall. Good enough for me. We would share Chinese food about once a week from downstairs at Mr. Wang’s restaurant. It was all either of us could afford.

I realized I was standing outside my door for several minutes just thinking. I do that sometimes. A habit I need to get past. I needed to make some changes in my life. I am day dreaming about a perfect stranger. Actually, not so perfect a stranger. I need to find more things to do in my life. Get more friends. Something. Anything. I thought living on the fifth floor would be great exercise. But sometimes it was a major pain. This was one of those times.

THAT IS AS FAR AS I HAVE EDITED IT. ALTHOUGH I WILL GO THROUGH IT SOME MORE. OPINIONS PLEASE. THE WHOLE STORY IS ABOUT 15 PAGES IN WORD.

Roxane

I read the first paragraph and made some suggestions about it, there still seems to be some editing left to do, but Im sure you'll get there! Good luck!

When I left the apartment the sun was up. It was only seven am but already it was BUT IT WAS ALREADY creeping up on 80 degrees. I would have (take away) bet you anything that it was going to be way above 90. But, I am loosing focus; I need to get back to that day. THIS IS A LITTLE STRANGE I certainly wasn’t my typical day WASN't A DAY LIKE ANy OTHER. As I walked out of the building, Mr. Wang tilted his head toward me. He owned the takeout Chinese restaurant on the first floor of my building. He spoke very little English, so he preferred gestures. Mr. Wang knew some interesting gestures. But, he had always been polite to me. And, his food was cheap and not bad. Especially important, it was cheap.

Try not to use the same word repeatedly. I think you should work more with the description of Mr.Wang. He was an old man who only spoke broken syllables of English. Over the past years he had developed complicated gestures, and now I could barely remember the sound of his voice. (That wasn't much better, but I know you can do it)

KangTheMad

You really don't have to say it was cheap twice. And the term "cheap" tends to mean poorly made and bad. like "cheap low budget horror film" use inexpensive. Roxane pointed out some good stuff.

Quote:

I wondered how older people could stand walking up and down those stairs everyday. Then I thought about who lived there and realized most of the older people either died (Died?) out or never left there (should be "their") apartment much. There were five floors, six if you count the Chinese restaurant on the bottom floor. And I think that the second floor had a few businesses on them too. It was hard to tell. The fifth floor was the one I lived on. (change to read: I lived on the fifth floor.) There were two large apartments and two small ones. I lived in one of the small ones. I only knew one other person on my floor, in the other small apartment, and that was Tiff. Her name was Tiffany Louise Billings. She dropped the Louise the moment she moved to LA. She would tell you she was studying to be an actress.(Change to: If you asked her, she would tell you that she was presuing her life long dream to be an actress) She had made a few of those movies that you could rent from a store that had a curtained backroom. Not one of the movies that I would have ever seen. But it didn’t matter. She was nice, she was friendly and she lived across the hall. (already stated.) Good enough for me. We would share Chinese food about once a week from downstairs at Mr. Wang’s restaurant. It was cheap and that was all either of us could afford. (again use "inexpensive".) Metok' Ha'esh!

__________________
I'm not a pathetically horrible adult writer. I'm a pathetically horrible teen writer. There is a difference. Metok' Ha'esh!

IWriteUWrite

"And the term "cheap" tends to mean poorly made and bad. like "cheap low budget horror film" use inexpensive. Roxane pointed out some good stuff."

Actually, the word cheap tends, more often, to mean inexpensive. The dictionary will even give you two or three definitions defining the word "cheap" as having something to do with little cost or price before it gives one meaning little value (as in the value of a horror film).

Using the word "cheap" as a synonym is perfectly fine and should be used in order to avoid repeating the word "inexpensive."

"I would have (take away) bet you anything that it was going to be way above 90."

If you take away the words "would have" this sentence would read: I bet you anything that it was going to be way above 90.

The words "would have" are necessary here.

"But, I am loosing focus; I need to get back to that day. THIS IS A LITTLE STRANGE"

This is a strange sentence. Pretty confusing. What I wanted to point out is that the word 'loosing' should be 'losing'.

'Loose' means free of restraints, as in "The dog got loose in the park." 'Lose' means to be deprived of, as in "Did you lose the watch?."

"I certainly wasn’t my typical day WASN't A DAY LIKE ANy OTHER."

'I' should be 'It'. I think you were on the right path but should read: It certainly wasn't a typical day.

I mean no offense, but I think the edit here is bulkier than necessary.

"As I walked out of the building, Mr. Wang tilted his head toward me. He owned the takeout Chinese restaurant on the first floor of my building. He spoke very little English, so he preferred gestures."

'He' is also repeated too often here.

"Mr. Wang knew some interesting gestures. But, he had always been polite to me."

Should be one sentence. Also, I'm assuming you mean Mr Wang knew offensive gestures (such as our middle finger) but was nice enough to the MC never do do them to him. It's confusing, though.

"And, his food was cheap and not bad."

The comma is unnecessary. Too many 'ands'.

"Especially important, it was cheap."

"Most importantly, it was cheap."

KangTheMad

I love this line. It makes me laugh!

Metok' Ha'esh!

__________________
I'm not a pathetically horrible adult writer. I'm a pathetically horrible teen writer. There is a difference. Metok' Ha'esh!

Roxane

sorry about that, I agree with everything, except I don't really see anyone saying "I would have bet you anything" if im not mistaken they'd at least shorten it to "I'd" or probably "I'll".

llp

Thanks for the advise. I read through it all. I took some, ignored others and will think about the rest.
Seriously, I did modify the story along the lines of many of your suggestions. So thanks.

llp

I opened the door and found Josh drinking one of my colas. He watched me as I came in, but he didn’t say anything. This will never go anywhere if I can’t get him to talk more. I don’t like the silent type. I like a conversation, exchange of word, something. He did smile at me. He had a great smile. Not one of those that showed teeth and really nothing else. No, his smile used the whole face. Even his eyes smiled. But it didn’t last long. He wanted to know where I was, why I left, etc? Kind of a third degree. And I, the fool I apologized for taking so long. I didn’t mean to. Damn that Mrs. Colson.

I reassured him that I told no one that he was here. No one saw me buy the bandages. And if they had, I would have said they were for me, in case of an emergency. I had all the bases covered. I was not sure he was that reassured, but he accepted it, especially since he could do nothing about it.

I decided to take another look under the bandages. He didn’t seem to resist me so it went a lot easier. The bleeding had almost stopped. Only a small trickle of blood. The wound looked clean. I didn’t think it would get infected. At least, I hope it wouldn’t. I put on some antiseptic I had bought and recovered the wound. I was definitely going to leave a scar. I had the feeling it wasn’t his first scar. Maybe someday I would look for his scars. Man, I need to get out more.

I sat down on the couch next to him and we basically stared at each other. This was ridiculous. I asked if he was hungry and I got a shake of the head. Couldn’t even get him to respond to that. I had enough, I wanted some answers. So I decided I needed to ask the questions. I needed to know what was happening with him.

He started out slowly. “My name is Josh Baylor. I am thirty-two, single and unattached. I am just visiting this area. I live in San Francisco.” Well at least he was unattached and it explained not having a tan. Tans can be over rated anyhow. But this still didn’t tell me enough. Although, I did like the unattached and single part. I asked him what he was doing here, and why he wouldn’t let me call the police.

“Simple, I don’t trust them. I have never had good luck with them. They always end up hassling me even if I am the innocent party. And today, I wasn’t so innocent. I had some pot on me and I didn’t want to get busted in LA.” It sounded sort of reasonable. But I just wasn’t totally convinced. Why wouldn’t he at least let me take him to the emergency ward? You have to have an ounce or more before they arrest you. Otherwise, you just get a ticket. No, there was more to this story and, I wanted to know what.

I think he could see my doubt so he kept on talking. But this time he changed the subject. He talked about San Francisco, his family or what was left of it and just about anything but what happened earlier. As he talked he relaxed, smiled more, and got more animated. He was fun to watch and listen too. He could describe people and places in a way that made you feel like you knew all about them. He made the places come alive with his words. I wish I could express myself as well. He talked about going to school in San Francisco. About riding the Cable Car that he caught downtown. About Fisherman’s Wharf and about Golden Gate park and the picnics his family would take there.

His Mom was still alive and living in the same home he grew up in. Somewhere in an area he called the edge of the Haight-Ashbury district on Strader Street. I had heard of the Haight-Ashbury of course. But he assured me that it wasn’t like the old hippy days. That the neighborhood had changed many times. It was at the end of the hippy days when he was born and then the neighborhood started to get really bad. But time past and it became a good area again and now their house was worth a lot of money. He said his Mom was rich on paper. But she didn’t want to move. She lived there since about five years after she had married. And she would die there. His father did die there. His brother Chris was actually born in the house. Chris was about ten years older then him. He was a widower. His wife died in a car accident. So he and his two kids lived in the house with there mother. He went on to describe it in more detail and it really sounded nice. One of those old narrow houses with three or so stories. He continued to talk about growing up in San Francisco, going to school there, riding the city bus to high school. It sounded ideal. Next to where I came from, anything sounded nice. I imagined him playing in what he called the Panhandle which was part of the Golden Gate Park. I wish I had known him back then.

I looked outside through the window and noticed it was getting dark. It was already after 7 pm. Had we talked that long? Hard to believe. And I thought he wasn’t a talker. I fixed us something quick to eat. Basically, I heated up some old Chinese food from the refrigerator and grabbed a few more sodas. We ate that in silence. I guess he had talked himself out. But in spite of all he had said, I still didn’t know what happened to him and why. It was obvious he was avoiding that topic. He didn’t want to talk about it.

I decided to check his wound again. He pulled off his cut t-shirt and I removed the bandages. His wound had stopped bleeding and it was starting to close up. He was a quick healer. I applied a new clean bandage and taped it on. I then found him one of my old t-shirts that was way too big on me and told him to use that one. His was a mess. Cut and bloody. He took it but didn’t put it on right away. That really didn’t bother me at all. This man sure had a nice body. Just about everything about this guy I liked.

The problem now was what to do with him. I put aside all my urges and decided he could spend the night on the couch. He agreed to that right away. He gave me one of his great smiles and I wondered if I shouldn’t listen to some of those urges. Then I just gave myself a quick shake of my head and ignored them again. However, I could tell that tonight’s dreams would definitely be something. He got up and started looking around my apartment a little. He picked up my few books, none of which I actually read yet, shuffled though my magazines and then settled down with an old Reader’s Digest. Not a great literary collection. He planted himself in my oversized chair with his legs dangling over the side. There went those urges again. I decided the best thing to do was to wash the few dishes we used and get out of the room.

I did offer him a drink. The last so called man I dated was a “drinking” man. Hank just liked to drink. And after dating him for a few months, I decided he was an over-drinking boy. However, I ended up with a couple of good bottles of bourbon. So, I might as well make use of them. I kept an open bottle in the refrigerator. That was a trick that Hank taught me. That way you wouldn’t dilute the bourbon with melting ice. I asked Josh if he wanted one and he was more then willing to oblige me. I poured a small amount in the glass for me and about three fingers in a glass for him.

I wish I had something nicer to use then the glasses I had to use. They were ones that Tiff and I had slowly confiscated from the various restaurants we have eaten at. None of them matched, but I now have a set of four glasses and silverware for five. We lost count on what we had “confiscated” and I got the extra set. Tiff had an influence on me and sometimes not a good one. But that didn’t matter. She was my best friend. Besides, she was always a lot of fun. And in her own way, she was an old sole. Not sure how I knew that, I just did.

So there we sat, drinking and staring into space. This man was still pretty much a total stranger. But when I looked over at him my body ignored my mind. It wanted to caress his face, in fact I wanted to ... I realized I was really going off in a tangent and stood up to walk around a little. He looked at me and finally spoke. “If you are tired you don’t have to stay awake for my sake. Just go to sleep. I will be comfortable on the couch.” And with that I went into my room and tried to sleep. Not a sound sleep, but sleep.

The next morning didn’t start like my typical mornings. First I heard water running in my bathroom and I realized Josh was in there taking a shower. I wanted to go in there, be my most seductive self and make mad passionate love to him. But as usual, the girl my mother raised took over. Damn! The water turned off and a few minutes later he walked out with a towel wrapped around his waist. He offered up one of his smiles and said good morning. I smiled back. What else could I do? “I hope you don’t mind, but I really needed a shower. I was filthy. Although the t-shirt you gave me worked out fine.” He again smiled. This guy had great teeth. He then walked into the other room shutting my bedroom door on the way out.

I quickly got dressed, ignoring the shower I usually lingered in. Just wanted to put my clothes on and get into the other room. When I came in he was cooking at my little stove. He looked over at me. “I am making easy-over eggs and toast. Want some? I also have coffee going.” I just nodded ok. It was amazing; he actually knew his way around a kitchen, even a little one like mine. We sat down and he served me breakfast. Eggs, toast, some juice I didn’t know I had and coffee. He then served himself and sat down across from me. It makes a great picture unless you thought about the fact that I just met him about this time yesterday. And he had a hole in his shoulder from a knife wound. And I still didn’t know why.

I guess he read my thoughts. He looked at me and decided to trust me with some information. “I am here looking for a friend of mine. We grew up together, but I lost touch with her.” And I thought that it had to be a woman. I must have shown that on my face because he smiled and reassured me. “We are just friends, her name is Kendall. She lived next door to us. Her Mom had died when she was only about seven, so it was just her and her abusive father. He was a real piece of work. When he was sober he was passable, but when he drank he was a SOB. And he drank a lot. So, she would sneak out of the house and come over. She started doing that when she was around eight or nine. Eventually my parents found out about it but they never said anything.”

“She would curl up at the bottom of my bed or my brother’s bed and sleep. It wasn’t until she got a little older that my brother mentioned something to our Dad that it wasn’t appropriate for her to be there. She was around 13 or so. After that, Mom set up the spare room for her. There was a bed and everything. She probably spent most of her time over at our place. Somewhere around my 15th birthday she came over to my room at night. My brother had move out by then so we were alone. That was one eye opening night. I guess my parents got wind of what was going on and decided to put a stop to it. Big mistake. She thought they were rejecting her. She had very low self esteem.”

One night she snuck into my room. She had a split lip and was crying but eventually we both fell asleep. When I work up, she was gone. No letter, no message, nothing. And my parents felt really bad. They hired a PI to find her with no results. I have looked for her off and on for years but it wasn’t until a few days ago that I heard she lived around here somewhere. I was looking for her when those guys showed up and, well you know the rest.”

I couldn’t believe what I heard. It seemed too unreal not to be real. I just stared at him in disbelief for a few moments until I spoke. “How did you hear about her? Did you actually see her?” He took a minute to respond. Telling the story seemed to release a burden off of him. Not enough to tell me everything, but some of the pressure was gone.
He looked at me, but he was no longer smiling. His face was sober and sad looking. “Someone we went to school with is a priest down here. He saw her and talked to her for a few minutes. After that they saw each other off and on when she could sneak away. He decided to let me know. He would not tell me what they talked about, but he did let me know she was alive and here. I am not sure that was kosher but I think he was concerned for her welfare. And, he knew I had been looking for her for years. So I talked it over with my family and decided to see if I could find her and bring her home. Or at least get her somewhere else, somewhere that we could get help for her.”

This was ridiculous. He couldn’t do this alone. I decided I needed to call into work and tell them I would be off the rest of the week. I couldn’t let him traipse around here on his own. I would have to go with him. I don’t know why, I just wanted to help. He of course, disagreed. He thought I should just go back to work and let him handle it. Men, they just don’t seem to get it sometimes. So I called in and took the rest of the week off on vacation. I had nothing else to do with that time. No one at work seemed to care so that was settled. So that is how are little adventure started.

First things first, I had to find out where he last saw her, what area, what street? Then I suggested some ideas. “We need to talk to your friend, the one that is the priest. He may know where she lived, who she hung with...you know, give us some ideas as how to find her. What do you think, will he help?” I looked eagerly at Josh, but he wasn’t that happy with the idea of me getting involved. “Why do you want to help me find her? The area isn’t that nice. Bums, drunks, druggies, not the type of people you need to associate with. No, you should go to work.”

I suggested he might as well forget that idea. “There is no way you could find your way around here. I have lived here for over a year and still got confused. You have been here, what, one or two days. You would never find your way around. No, I am going with you and that’s final.” He thought it over for awhile then agreed. I never thought he would, so I was glad he thought my idea was acceptable. And I didn’t argue. I grabbed my shoes and finished getting dressed. I didn’t want to loose site of Josh. I feared that if I let him leave, he wouldn’t come back.

We had decided to walk over to the church where Josh’s friend worked. It was about 15 blocks from my place and the neighborhood was a lot worse then mine. That is the thing about the downtown area. You move around a few blocks and you are in a different time zone. The people are from a different foreign country. The languages change and the gangs change. That was the one thing I stayed respectful of – what gang area we were in. And, we were going into a bad one.

The people in this area were mainly from the Far East. Not somewhere like China, more like Cambodia or some other such place. Even though they had a territory, the Asian gangs didn’t respect boundaries that much. It was a very bad part of town and I was getting nervous. Josh looked over at me and put his arm over my shoulder. Like he was saying she is mine so stay away. He was no longer smiling.

All of a sudden a beat-up looking Pontiac pulled up at the curb near us. I couldn’t see who was inside, but he called out to Josh. Josh turned and smiled and pulled me over. It was his friend making his rounds. I was never so glad to see anyone. He told us to get into the car and we obliged him without slowing a beat.

llp

“What the hell are you doing his Josh and who is she? Don’t you know better then walking around here like that? You are lucky I’m not here scrapping you off the sidewalk.” Not exactly a cheerful greeting, but I didn’t care. I slid into the back seat and Josh followed right behind me. I figured I would finally find out all the pieces to the puzzle now. Josh wouldn’t hold back from a priest, especially one that was a friend. It wasn’t the first time I was wrong. Josh handed over a cigarette to the Priest and he lit up. I guessed that even priest have to have a few minor vices.

The priest looked at me like he was sizing me up. I guess I passed. He half smiled and started talking. “Hi, I am Father Mike. Michael Daniel O’Shea to be exact. But they have always called me Father Mike.” He reached out his hand to shake. It was a strong but gentle handshake. I like this man, this priest, immediately. I was glad he was Josh’s friend. “So what brings you out to the slums of LA? No excuse me, the redevelopment area of LA.” He turned to me and stated “They have been redeveloping this area long before I ever got here. And, I have been here many years. Amazing how it never has changed. The redevelopment people have though. They have nicer houses and bigger cars.”

Josh came to the point. “I found the guy you told me about. I don’t think he thought much of the idea of me taking Kendall with me. They said I could buy her for $250,000. Needless to say, I didn’t have that much spare change on me.” Josh sneered and shook his head when he said that. He was disgusted by it, by what Kendall did, but not by Kendall. He had s soft spot for her. Father Mike looked at him and shook his head. “What did you expect? She is a source of income for them. They won’t give her up. In fact, if you had the money, they would just kill you and taken it. Then, just put her back to work. What is she now, around 30?” They won’t have many more good years with her. Pretty soon she will be downgraded and it will become a lot worse for her. If you think you can get her out of here then do it now and do it quickly. Otherwise, her life will really go to hell. Just don’t try and do it half way. You get her out of here and back to San Francisco or some place better then this. Anywhere that they won’t find her.” He nodded my way. “And you take your friend out of here too. This is no place to bring a girl. You must be loony. Nothing bad meant there. It just isn’t safe for you anywhere around here.” I explained to him that I lived only a little over a mile away, but he wasn’t impressed. He just said it doesn’t matter, that it was a different world then here.

At that, he motioned to Josh to get out of the car but I should stay put. The two of them walked about 30 feet away and started talking. I couldn’t make out anything they were saying and it frustrated me beyond belief. Josh is going to have to learn he can’t keep secrets from me. And with that thought I smiled. I realized I was already put a claim on him. And, it didn’t seem wrong. In fact, it seemed perfectly natural.

About ten minutes passed before they returned to the car. They both got in and we started heading back to my apartment. I decided to wait to ask questions because Father Mike didn’t look like a man you could question. In spite of the fact I liked Father Mike, I had a feeling he had his limits and I didn’t want to step over them.

It was a quick drive back to the apartment and we both got out of the car. I headed towards the entrance but Josh stayed back a few minutes to talk a little more. Then he nodded at Father Mike and the car drove off. I tried to question Josh about what happened but he shook his head and started up the stairs.

I fumbled with my key at the door and Josh took them from me and unlocked the door. As we entered I started to ask him something and he just looked at me. He told me to hold on for a few minutes. He then went to the phone and made a call. I decided to go into the bedroom and give him some privacy. Simon was sprawled across my bed and yawned at me when I entered. I sat down next to him and started petting him. He seemed to appreciate it since he stretched and yawned but didn’t leave. About five minutes later Josh walked into the room and sat down on the bed. I just sat there and watched him. I knew he was going to tell me something if I just waited.

He finally looked at me and started talking. “We have decided to do an intervention or sort of one. We will wait until Kendall is alone and grab her away. She is too scared to do anything on her own. But I know she wants out, she want to get away for all of this. They have been using her as a mule. Someone to run drugs for them. And if she gets caught, she goes down, not them. Whenever she complains or gives them any problems they farm her out. They use her like a piece of meat. I can’t let them do that anymore. She means too much to me. She is like my sister.”

I looked at Josh, all the compassion he was showing. I wondered if he would show some of that to me someday. I hoped. He continued with his story. “Father Mike will keep an eye out for her. He can wonder through the neighborhood without anyone caring. He will let me know. But I have to get a car. That was what the phone call was about. I called my brother. Chris is coming down with a borrowed car. We don’t want anything to trace back to us or to you. We are going to get her and take her right to an airport and fly her out of here. We can’t waste any time. They will come looking. I will fly out with her and Chris will drive back to San Francisco. You will need to go back to work as if nothing has happened. Go back to your life like as if it hasn’t changed at all.”

I heard the part that he was flying out with her. That was where I stopped listening. I
could only remember those words. That, and going back to my old life. What was wrong with him? How could I go back? I wanted to help him and I wanted to tell him so. But I said nothing. I just sat there and listened or acted like I listened. I was heart broken. He was going to leave my life just a fast as he entered it.

He smiled at me and started up again. “For now we can do nothing. So let’s go out and get something to eat. Let’s get away from here for awhile. Do you know of any restaurants other then the Chinese place downstairs?” I forced myself to think and suggested another small restaurant a few blocks away. They served so called American food like hamburgers and such. So we locked up the apartment and headed out.

It was a quick walk to the restaurant. I believe it has someone’s name and then Diner after that. It was very forgettable. And I wasn’t in a very good mood. Josh had no trouble discerning that. “Come on, this will go ok. You don’t have to worry. We will swoosh down on them so quick that they won’t know what happened to them. It will be easy. Father Mike will see to that.” He just didn’t understand that was not what I was thinking about. Men! So we ate the rest of the meal in silence.

By the time we got back to the apartment it was getting dark. We walked up the flights of stairs in silence. When we got to the apartment I started to unlock the door but he gently removed the keys from my hand and unlocked it. He then handed me back the keys and pushed the door open for me to walk through and then followed me in.

I suggested that I look at his shoulder again. I hadn’t done anything to it in some time. So we went into the bedroom and he took off his shirt. The wound was healing nicely. It surprised me how it was closing up so quickly. I suggested to let it air out a little before I put the bandage back on and he agreed. I started to get up off the bed and he grabbed my arm. He patted the place next to him for me to sit. I did as he requested like a little fair maiden. I really wanted to scream at him for not including me in the plans. For leaving me behind. But instead I sat down.

He looked at me for a moment then reached over to me and pulled me close to him. He smiled that half smile I have grown accustomed to and then kissed me. Not a gentle kiss but a firm long lasting one. And I did not hesitate. I kissed him back. This man knew what he was doing. And then he looked at me hard and real. No half smile there. He smiled ear to ear. And he looked me up and down. It didn’t bother me, in fact, it made me more excited. He took his time. His touch was both strong and gentle at the same time. I thought I was going to explode. I was in heaven. We never spoke a word. He didn’t need to. I hadn’t felt this good in a long time, maybe ever. He was a man who made love to your sole. I don’t remember falling asleep. But I slept better that night then I can remember. An earthquake wouldn’t have awoken me. I had fallen asleep in his arms.

So when I rolled over in the morning I expected to see him. However, he wasn’t there. He wasn’t even in the apartment. He had left. My lover, my true love, and he left. I don’t think I could have felt worse. I thought he would be back. I waited all day for him to come back, to call something. He didn’t even leave a note. How could he, how could I? It really sucked. Life couldn’t have gotten any worse.

Sometime around 2 am that next morning I gave up. I just started to cry. He was gone. He made beautiful love to me and left. I was just a play thing, a diversion to kill time for awhile. I let myself get suckered in by him. He was off somewhere laughing with his brother. I couldn’t feel any worse if he came and kicked me in the gut. I didn’t want to believe he could do this to me, but the proof was there. He was no where to be seen or found. No traces of him except for a little blood on the couch. I couldn’t sink any lower if I wanted to.

I stayed in my apartment crying the rest of the week into the weekend. Tiff came over to try and get me to go out for food, but I wasn’t interested. I was wallowing in my misery. She said it would get better over time. But I just didn’t believe her. I would never get beyond that. Getting up for work on Monday was near impossible. I hated the job even more now. But where could I go, no where. It was hard getting through the mounds of paperwork on my desk. I couldn’t concentrate. It was amazing that I could stay the whole day, but I had no choice. I needed the job to pay my rent. I kept watching the clock. It moved at a snails pace. It took time through eternity before it was five. I got out of there so fast. I couldn’t stand all those people starring at me. But it was finally over. And as Tiff said, each day it was a little better. Very little.

Over a month had passed since those two days occurred in my life. I sometimes wondered it they ever happened. But then I would find something. Something that reminded me of him. Today was no different. I was cleaning out a cupboard and found the bandages that I bought for Josh. This was not a good place me anymore. I decided I would have to move. I needed to get a few boxes and find another apartment. Somewhere away for here.

On the way up the stairs I stopped at the Wang’s apartment. I told them I was giving notice. I didn’t want to live there anymore. Time to find another apartment. She said she was sorry to see me go. Wished me luck. And closed the door. I didn’t want to stay another week here. But I had to. I gave notice and had one more week to work. The hardest seven days in my life.

Time moved so slowly. But I spent the last week visiting with Tiff. She said she would take the cat if no one else would. I could tell it wasn’t out of love for animals. I only wish I knew someone else to give him to. Poor Simon. I guess I was the only one that loved him. But I didn’t know where I was going. I was going to get on a bus and just leave. Not the most brilliant of plans but the only one I could come up with. I don’t think I could sink any lower. I was really depressed.

I didn’t have a lot of items to pack. I had one large and one small suitcase and a few small boxes. That was enough for all my possessions. Everything else stayed with the apartment, was given to Tiff or thrown out. Not much to say for living there almost two years. The rest of what was here wasn’t worth taking with me, so I didn’t need anymore suitcases or boxes.

I looked over at Simon playing with a wad of paper. He batted it around like a hockey player. I was going to miss that cat. Just then there was a knock on the door. Tiff was coming over so we could go out for a last dinner out. Where else, out to our own Chinese restaurant of course. I went over to the door and opened it. There standing in the doorway, I couldn’t believe it. It was Josh. He smiled at me and walked in like this was an every day occurrence. He put down a large plastic box with a handle. I stared at him, my mouth partly open as to say something but nothing came out. He reached for me and gave me a long hard kiss. I couldn’t help but respond. I couldn’t believe it.

I started to say something but he spoke first. “Hey, good, you are all packed and ready to go. Do you want to grab a bite to eat before we leave? Maybe ask Tiff to join us.” I still didn’t know what to say and he looked at me with a puzzled look. “What’s the problem; I said I would be back today. I know I am a little late, but not that bad.”

I couldn’t stand it anymore. “What the hell are you talking about? Back, where did you go? You never said anything to me.” It was his turn to be puzzled. He finally spoke. “I left you that note. I said we were going to grab Kendall and leave immediately. Much too dangerous for you to come along. But I said I would be back today. It was all in the note. Didn’t you believe me?”

“What note? You didn’t leave a note. I never saw a note. What are you talking about?” Was he just saying that to get back in my good graces?” I was totally confused. But it didn’t matter. He was back. He came to get me. And when I took a second look at the plastic box I realized it was a cat carrier for Simon. He came back for both of us.

I reached up and kissed him. Once, twice, I was so happy. I thought I would bust. There was another knock on the door. This time it was Tiff. She smiled when she saw Josh. “So, you came back. Nice to see you again.” Josh nodded her way and asked if she would like to join us for dinner. Of course she grabbed at the idea. Someone else paying for the meal.

Josh grabbed by purse and handed it to me. I have my car downstairs. We can go somewhere away from here that is nice. Anyone have any suggestions? Then when we get back, we will pack up the car, grab the cat and take off. You ok with that Sarah?” I nodded yes. I couldn’t believe it. He was back and taking me out of here to go back to him home. To join him at his home. I had found someone. Life was great.

So Josh took my hand and then grabbed Tiff’s hand and off we went to eat. It was like he hadn’t been gone, it was like I hadn’t suffered all those weeks. It was wonderful. So we went through the door and down the stairs into his car. And off we drove. Meanwhile, Simon was still batting around the ball of paper. If you looked closely at it you could see some writing. It looked like Dear Sarah........

No Brakes

A couple of general comments llp. I found that there were far too many sentences or fragments starting with "and" or "but" that should be joined to the preceding sentence to make the flow far smoother. The flow could be further improved by formatting the dialogue sequences better.

You have a tendency to throw in the word "basically" fairly frequently. That should be avoided that as it really detracts from the prose. Saying "he fell asleep" is far better than saying "he basically fell asleep".

A really careful proof-read is in order here. For example, there are several there/their errors, then/than ones, as well as soup/soap, and soul/sole.


I thought this was going to be just another day, but it certainly didn't turn out to be my typical one

Quote:

... and preferred using gestures. He owned the takeout Chinese restaurant on the first floor of my building. And, Mr. Wang knew some interesting gestures. But, he had always been polite to me. Plus, his food was cheap and not bad. Especially important, that it was cheap.

... and preferred using gestures. even though he knew some interesting ones, he had always been polite to me. He owned the ... of my building; the food wasn't bad and it was cheap. The price was the most important feature.

Quote:

it fell to my knees now that I had lost weight.

I think that "Just as I stepped off the curb a disheveled man with a torn, blood-stained shirt came out of the shadows" would work better. I don't think "dirty" is the best word to describe him, and you can't come out from behind a shadow. The reference to being drunk or hung over really doesn't work well here. It would be better to describe him staggering or something along those lines.

I'll stop here for now (I'm at work). You have a good story going here. A thorough proof-read and editing will help tremendously.

Ungood

hello...

I would like to start off by saying that this is not a bad story, it looks cute and bouncy. All Good things!

Now you have to forgive but I don't work Grammar, so bare (only if you want to) with me as I deal with the physical aspects of your story.



OK, Now this is where you stop and tell me; "Why this is not your typical day"

Quote:

As I walked out of the building, .....

I stopped here,

So far, this looks like a typical day and because of that I can't figure out why I am reading this.

Sorry, it looks cute, but reading 'A day in the life' is just not my kind story.

I would gander that you have this truly awesome plot twist coming up, but, I don't see it and I don't feel compelled to try and find it

The "Or so I thought" not grabbing me after you dropped the "Wasn't typical day" and the following paragraph was a typical day.

The others touched on your grammar, so I suppose that covers everything.

Ungood.

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