Journal entries in the 1800's (critique and assistance) - Writers Forum

the_poison125 · 04-08-2008, 05:13 AM

Hi. This is a project for my S+E (History/Geography) class. Im only 14 so dont expect anything amazing

Heres a few of the entries im working on so far

JOURNAL DRAFT ONE

18th March 1821

Work was terrible today. We had very few customers come into the store and we sold hardly anything.More. Mr. Williams may even have to close the store if sales don’t improve soon.

I am worried about my son, Joseph. He has been sick for over two weeks now and we do not have the money for a doctor. More.

One More Paragraph

Journal Draft 4

2nd February 1822

It has been over a year now, since I was caught stealing and I am now serving a 7 year sentence. I am now in a ship headed for New South Wales, Australia More.

The crew on this ship are horrible and the captain is worse. We are fed three times a week if we are lucky and I am already missing my family. More.

I met a man today. He says he can help me escape when we reach Australia. Im not sure if I believe him or not *unfinished sentence*

These are a few of what i have done so far. What do you guys think? I know there not great but any help would be great.

PS: all the words is grey are there so i can edit my work later

FirstEdit · 04-08-2008, 11:21 AM

Proof read your own work before you post it. Keep an English grammar book by your side. There are rules you have to memorize like when you use than and then or a and an. Not sure what your subject is. Is it just a daily journal? Do you have a subject you are to be focusing on? If you're trying to please your history teacher for a grade, focus on something you are working on in history even if you hate it! You'll get a better grade.

the_poison125 · 04-08-2008, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FirstEdit

Proof read your own work before you post it. Keep an English grammar book by your side. There are rules you have to memorize like when you use than and then or a and an. Not sure what your subject is. Is it just a daily journal? Do you have a subject you are to be focusing on? If you're trying to please your history teacher for a grade, focus on something you are working on in history even if you hate it! You'll get a better grade.

Umm shes our history teacher and couldn't care less about the spelling. Everyone in the class has to do this. And by this i mean a journal set in the 1800's so I'm not trying to please anyone i just want this to be good.

"There are rules you have to memorize like when you use than and then or a and an" Blame my crap spell checker on that

kidstaple · 04-08-2008, 11:00 PM

And by this i mean a journal set in the 1800's so I'm not trying to please anyone i just want this to be good.[/quote]

Sounds like your being condescending... Stop and think about what you posted, lol. If anything, I would think that your trying to please yourself. No?

IWriteUWrite · 04-09-2008, 12:03 AM

JOURNAL DRAFT ONE

18th March 1821

Work was terrible today. We had very few customers come into the store and we sold hardly anything.More. Mr. Williams may even have to close the store if sales don’t improve soon.

Work was difficult today. A few customers came into the store but we hardly sold anything. Mr. Williams said he may have to fire some of the workers or, even, close the store if sales don't pick up.

I am worried about my son, Joseph. He has been sick for over two weeks now and we do not have the money for a doctor. More.

I am worried about my son. He has been sick for two weeks and we no longer have enough money to pay the doctor. (If this was a journal he keeps for himself he probably wouldn't say "My son, Joseph." He knows what his son's name is.)

It has been over a year now, since I was caught stealing and I am now serving a 7 year sentence. I am now in a ship headed for New South Wales, Australia More.

It has been over a year now since I was caught stealing. I was sentenced to seven years hard labor. I am heading towards New South Wales, Australia on a ship called San Marco.

The crew on this ship are horrible and the captain is worse. We are fed three times a week if we are lucky and I am already missing my family. More.

The crew on this ship is horrible. They are worse than the workers at Mr. Williams' shop. And, worse, the Captain is worse than any of his crew. If I am lucky I eat thrice a week. I miss my family.

I met a man today. He says he can help me escape when we reach Australia. Im not sure if I believe him or not *unfinished sentence*

I met a man today. Perhaps a friend. He has told me that he knows of a way to escape and desires my help. He is quite a character but may also be my only chance home.

the_poison125 · 04-09-2008, 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IWriteUWrite

JOURNAL DRAFT ONE

18th March 1821

Work was terrible today. We had very few customers come into the store and we sold hardly anything.More. Mr. Williams may even have to close the store if sales don’t improve soon.

Work was difficult today. A few customers came into the store but we hardly sold anything. Mr. Williams said he may have to fire some of the workers or, even, close the store if sales don't pick up.

I am worried about my son, Joseph. He has been sick for over two weeks now and we do not have the money for a doctor. More.

I am worried about my son. He has been sick for two weeks and we no longer have enough money to pay the doctor. (If this was a journal he keeps for himself he probably wouldn't say "My son, Joseph." He knows what his son's name is.)

It has been over a year now, since I was caught stealing and I am now serving a 7 year sentence. I am now in a ship headed for New South Wales, Australia More.

It has been over a year now since I was caught stealing. I was sentenced to seven years hard labor. I am heading towards New South Wales, Australia on a ship called San Marco.

The crew on this ship are horrible and the captain is worse. We are fed three times a week if we are lucky and I am already missing my family. More.

The crew on this ship is horrible. They are worse than the workers at Mr. Williams' shop. And, worse, the Captain is worse than any of his crew. If I am lucky I eat thrice a week. I miss my family.

I met a man today. He says he can help me escape when we reach Australia. Im not sure if I believe him or not *unfinished sentence*

I met a man today. Perhaps a friend. He has told me that he knows of a way to escape and desires my help. He is quite a character but may also be my only chance home.

Ohhhh you were about 40 minutes to late. I wrote the whole thing up and i tried to be smart and put tea on it to make it look old and stuff... well turns out my pen was shit and the tea wiped the whole lot right oiff.