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Hey everyone. I'm currently working on the script for this musical, along with the lyrics. I'm not having problems as far as that goes, but I am having trouble with the plot itself.
As of right now, I have it split into two acts. Click here to see the summary (not entirely up-to-date, but nothing major has been changed).
ACT I: HOPE
Lucian is at his home with his Aunt Belle and Uncle Rigel. It is a day like every other.
Mrs. Enid Farzak visits their house, and informs them about a rebellion against Lord Magsig. Lucian discusses joining the rebellion with her in private, and she advises him to go the the Venesmira Ports - a boat there should be able to take him to the island of Duvaar, where the rebellion’s headquarters are located.
Lucian writes in his diary about his dilemma. He knows Belle and Rigel will not approve of joining, as they are loyal to Magsig. He despises them for this, and plans on ignoring their verdict, whatever it may be. He decides he will leave for Venesmira the next day.
The road to Venesmira is a bumpy one - he travels through several towns, avoiding beggars that might bring harm to him because he looks wealthy. Along the way he meets Audin Silverwind, a young girl studying the arts of herbalism and ancient magick healing. After much discussion with her grandfather, Lucian persuades the old man to allow Audin to join him on his journey to Duvaar.
Lucian and Audin arrive in Venesmira to see that it is in the middle of a terrible riot. All of the houses are being set on fire, and people are being killed everywhere. After talking to someone hiding in a cluster of bushes, Lucian and Audin learn that Lord Magsig sent a garrison of troops to destroy the city and supports of Magsig began to assist them.
He quickly realizes that this is because there is a port to get to Duvaar. Magsig did not want anyone to come from or to the headquarters.
Luckily, Lucian and Audin find a sailor by the name of Farley Rapier, who is willing to take them to Duvaar as he himself is a member of the rebellion.
Lucian and Audin are standing at the bow of the ship as they spot Duvaar in the distance. They are holding hands.
Lucian, Audin, and Farley arrive at Duvaar. They navigate through the city to find the location of the rebellion headquarters.
It turns out that the group is planning an invasion to subtly find a quick route to the Throne Room, the most common location of Lord Magsig. The three eagerly contribute, volunteering to be the ones to enter the palace.
The next three days go by fast as Lucian and Farley question civilians that have visited the palace before. They learn it is full of trap doors, death pits, and guards that stand around every corner. Audin works on creating potions that could be helpful in remaining inconspicuous. She creates multiple polyjuice potions, as well as potions to increase their strength, speed, and awareness.
It is the day of the invasion, and the three individuals grow nervous. They agree that they will stick together the whole time, and if they are ever separated, they will leave the palace immediately. This is okayed by the rest of the rebellion, which decides to remain near the entrance to the royal courtyard.
They leave for the palace at midnight. They get in easily and begin to map the castle.
The trio runs into a group of guards, but Audin uses magical ability to make short work of them.
Audin then creates a mental link between her and Lucian, as well as her and Farley, so that she can act as a bridge so they can all communicate.
News of guards being killed reaches Magsig quickly, and he sends garrisons of troops into the palace corridors to find and kill the intruders.
Audin finishes three polyjuice potions from hairs on the guards’ bodies. They each drink one, and pretend to be looking for the three intruders as well.
Farley gets regrouped and must remain with other guards. Lucian and Audin agree, seeing as there is plenty of time left for their potion. She gives him the unfinished potion as well as extra hair in case he happens to run out of time with it.
Lucian and Audin travel deep within the corridors of the palace, eventually forgetting their location. They begin to panic, and begin to run through the long halls.
Their potions wear off as they regain their track. They are right outside the Throne Room, and they can easily see Magsig sitting in an exquisite, golden chair.
He sees them, and they turn around and run down the corridor they were in. He sends guards after them, and follows them himself.
One guard throws a spear, and it pierces Lucian in the back. He stumbles, but Audin uses magic to aid her in carrying his limp body.
She hides in a crevice in the wall as the guards and Magsig run by.
She lays Lucian on the ground. The spear punctured his heart head-on, and Audin fears he won’t live any longer than a few minutes.
She searches the depths of her mind to find a healing spell for something this severe. She recalls something she learned really young - a spell for immortality. She did not want to use it, because she knew she was not powerful enough. The spell would certainly take more energy she had, and she would die.
After finishing her search, Audin is horrified that this is the only spell that she knows that could spare Lucian’s life.
She prays to the Gods, and begins the incantation.
Guards notice her on the ground in the corridor, and begin to run at her.
They reach her just as she finishes the incantation. She collapses to the ground, dead, just as she predicted. The guards glance at her for a moment, kick her corpse, and return to the Throne Room.
A few moments later, Lucian seems to wake up. He stares into Audin’s cold eyes. Her hands were still on his chest. He put his hands on top of hers, and began to cry.
He hugs and kisses her corpse for a few moments. In his mind, Lucian sees the potential relationship with her go down the drain.
ACT I ends as Lucian stands stronger than ever, looking into the Throne Room. A sign of true hatred glowing in his eyes.
ACT II: CHANGE
Lucian feels Audin within his mind. He remembers their mental link. He allows her to communicate. Lucian is horrified as she explains that he has been made immortal. Audin tells Lucian to continue into the Throne Room and destroy Magsig. Lucian twists the words, and decides that he will everyone loyal to this horrible tyrant.
He walks into the Throne Room, and is immediately charged at. The guards swipe their swords at him, but he feels no pain. Their weapons ricochet off of him. Magsig is stunned, and quickly realizes what Audin has done to him.
Lucian continues to walk toward Magsig. He grows more and more angry, his hands clenches in fists. Magsig knows what Lucian plans to do, and begins to calmly get up from his chair and head to the exit.
Lucian screams an incantation with an oddly fast tongue. Magsig, along with every guard in the room, collapses, dead from a killing curse. Lucian is somewhat satisfied, but his anger continues to grow. It will not avenge Audin.
Lucian meets up with Farley and tells him what happened. Farley is stunned, but not surprised.
They return to the entrance of the castle to find a small group of rebels waiting for them. They appear as if they are about to faint when Lucian explains what he did. He tells them about Audin, as well.
Victorious, the rebels return to Duvaar. News has already spread throughout Vangoria about Lucian’s incredible feat. He is hailed as a hero upon walking out of the rebel headquarters.
Over the next few days, Lucian becomes angrier and angrier. He is given the opportunity to become the new leader of Vangoria, but he declines the offer.
Lucian returns from a walk one day to find the rebel headquarters being attacked. He panics and runs inside, killing everyone that wasn’t a member of the rebellion.
While fighting the intruders, Lucian notices Farley’s corpse brutally stabbed and cut at.
He is forced to flee as the building is set on fire.
Lucian retreats to Venesmira, and then returns to his own home. His is greeted at the door by Dogma Malenkav - Belle and Rigel’s son. Lucian pushes the man out of the way, and walks swiftly into the kitchen where Belle and Rigel are sitting.
Upon seeing him, they begin to curse and scream at him. Lucian quickly grabs a knife from the counter and slits both of their throats.
Dogma sees this, and charges at Lucian, knocking him to the ground. He tries to beat Lucian up, but he fails. Lucian laughs at his cousin’s feeble attempt.
Dogma, enraged, threatens Lucian by saying he will find a way to kill him and will do it with a smile on his face. Lucian ignores these comments.
Lucian then stabs Dogma in the chest, slicing upward until he reaches Dogma’s upper neck. He kicks Dogma to the ground, and searches the house for valuables. He takes them and leaves.
Before his death, Dogma refers to Lucian as ‘Lucian the Wicked’. This name seems to have a ring to Lucian, and he drops his last name, adopting the new nickname as his real name.
News spreads about the deaths of the Malenkav family. Lucian says that he found them there, brutally butchered. Citizens of Vangoria accept this explanation, and feel sorry for him.
Lucian returns to Duvaar and meets Jyoko Rapier - Farley’s brother. They become friends, and Lucian eventually nominates him to become the new leader of Vangoria.
ACT II ends with Jyoko taking the throne, Lucian the Wicked standing at his side.
THE END
But, I feel that this is very incomplete. I've discussed it with my brother, and he thinks a third act should be put in, and the first two acts should be adjusted. I have a small idea about what could happen after the first two acts, but I need to expand on it in my mind (and on the Notes app in my iPod).
What do you think? (On the matter of adding a third act, thoughts on the summary so far, and other thoughts.)
I had a hard time reading your acts because they are bunched together..try to use more paragraphs...it will be easier on the eyes...
The biggest thing I noticed is there is NO dialogue. You tell the entire story in 2nd or 3rd person...in other words you, yourself, are relating the story rather than having the story come to life on the pages...Does that make since? Dialogue can create atmosphere and give your characters three dimensional depth and personalty in just a few words!...
Hope this helps...John
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