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| Critique and Advice Works seeking critique, advice or assistance. |
03-23-2008, 05:54 PM
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#1
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 90
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Help with grammar
Which of the following is correct:
"He ran around the corner looking behind to make sure the bullies weren’t gaining on him."
OR
"He ran around the corner looking behind himself to make sure the bullies weren’t gaining on him."
Another one I get confused is beside/next to:
"She placed the book beside her."
OR
"She placed the book next to her."
"Mary sat beside Jane."
OR
"Mary sat next to Jane."
In the first one beside sounds correct, in the second one next to sounds correct.
Please help.
Thanks.
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03-23-2008, 06:39 PM
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#2
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Crossmaglen, Ireland.
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,426
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Either will work, but 'himself' does nothing for the context of the sentence, therefore I would omit it. Also, you need a comma after 'corner'. The sentence should read: 'He ran around the corner, looking behind to make sure the bullies weren't gaining on him'.
As for the other sentence: 'Beside' and 'next to' are synonyms. They mean the same thing. Either of them will work again. It's personal preference.
Sam.
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03-25-2008, 10:34 AM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Israel
Gender: Male
Posts: 344
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Quote:
He ran around the corner looking behind to make sure the bullies weren’t gaining on him."
OR
"He ran around the corner looking behind himself to make sure the bullies weren’t gaining on him."
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Himself is reduntant and not needed
Quote:
She placed the book beside her."
OR
"She placed the book next to her."
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I would say next to because you sit beside someone but place something next to you
Not that it can't work the other way just sounds logical
__________________
Shraga Y. Weissmann
Israel
Please comment on my humorous short story Chompers Thanks!
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04-02-2008, 02:58 PM
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#4
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Out in the bush, Queensland, Australia, far from the madding crowd
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,686
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I have a problem with determining whether he looked behind before, during or after running around the corner. If it was during he risks running into the wall. If it was after he must be like Superman, with X-ray vision. Looking behind shows poor choice of words anyhow. I'd say glancing back. I'm surprised Sam didn't suggest something similar.
In any event the entire situation, as worded, is a mish-mash. How does looking back ensure (make sure of) anything? The only way to ensure they weren’t gaining would have been to place some obstacle in their way. Looking at someone doesn’t ensure it.
If a pro had been writing this it may have been expressed “As he approached the corner he glanced back to ascertain if he was maintaining his lead.” Telling us he was running is unnecessary; the general mood shows that -unless it was a walking race haha. Finally, not being able to read minds, I can only guess the bullies were mentioned in the previous or at least an earlier sentence, and so mentioning them here is probably redundant.
__________________
How Beautiful it is to Do Nothing, and then Rest Afterwards . . . . . Spanish proverb
Last edited by The Backward OX : 04-02-2008 at 03:43 PM.
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04-02-2008, 03:06 PM
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#5
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Upstate NY
Gender: Male
Posts: 325
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Backward OX
I have a problem with determining whether he looked behind before, during or after running around the corner. If it was during he risks running into the wall. If it was after he must be like Superman, with X-ray vision. Looking behind shows poor choice of words anyhow. I'd say glancing back. I'm surprised Sam didn't suggest something similar.
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I was thinking, "...glancing over his shoulder..."
Same church, different pew.
Bob, you can avoid a lot of these kinds of conundrums by changing your language a bit. That's what I do when I'm stuck; I just rewrite the bastich.
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04-02-2008, 07:46 PM
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#6
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 291
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littlegreenbob
Which of the following is correct:
"He ran around the corner looking behind to make sure the bullies weren’t gaining on him."
OR
"He ran around the corner looking behind himself to make sure the bullies weren’t gaining on him."
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I'd say "looking back" instead of "looking behind". I think that would solve it. And I agree that using himself would be redundant.
Quote:
Another one I get confused is beside/next to:
"She placed the book beside her."
OR
"She placed the book next to her."
"Mary sat beside Jane."
OR
"Mary sat next to Jane."
In the first one beside sounds correct, in the second one next to sounds correct.
Please help.
Thanks.
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When I think of beside, I think shoulder-to-shoulder. So if that's how Mary and Jane were sitting, I think that'd be okay. "Next to" gives me the impression that there are at least a few inches between them. Same thing goes for the book. 
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04-02-2008, 09:57 PM
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#7
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Mentor
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,724
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Quote:
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"He ran around the corner looking behind himself to make sure the bullies weren’t gaining on him."
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What happens? More likely, he'd run around the corner and continue running at least a short distance before looking back to see if he was being followed.
I wouldn't write it like that anyway. It's kind of dull.
"Look at him run!" One of the bullies said. Fred ducked around the corner and ran a block before stopping to catch his breath. He couldn't see or hear them coming. He was in the clear.
Quote:
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"She placed the book beside her."
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This would be an odd little sentence on it's own anyway.
She placed the book on the table.
She closed the book and pushed it aside.
She put the book on the nightstand by the bed.
__________________
"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
-- Albert Einstein
"I am really only interested in a fiction of miracles."
-- Flannery O'Connor
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04-03-2008, 04:36 AM
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#8
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 90
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Thanks for all your feedback.
It really is a case of working out the best way to write a bad sentence when I can simply change the language.
No wonder neither of them sounded right.
Thanks for the help 
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04-03-2008, 07:31 AM
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#9
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Best Seller
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: In the shadow of the rain.
Gender: Female
Posts: 537
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I'd have to agree with Ox on this one.
Looking behind himself, makes it sound as if he's looking at his butt while he's running.
__________________
Originally posted by Sam Winchester.
Fossy's good too. She gives good advice.
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04-03-2008, 02:50 PM
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#10
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Writer
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Scotland
Gender: Male
Posts: 27
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Like some of the others who have replied, I think the 'next to' and 'beside' versions are interchangeable. I can see how they mean different things to different readers, but for me they're the same: one is as good as the other.
I don't entirely agree with the Ox on the first sentence though. I think you should drop 'himself' as it seems redundant and interrupts the sentence. You could replace 'make sure' with 'be sure' or 'feel sure' but the Ox's suggestion of “As he approached the corner he glanced back to ascertain if he was maintaining his lead" just feels a touch clumsy and formal, if not a little tongue-in-cheek.
The sentence as you wrote it first time would probably be fine for most readers. It's not clumsy and conveys the meaning reasonably efficiently, while still flowing. I can see it fitting in a larger action scene without causing a problem for the reader.
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