|
Critique Please!!!!
Hi, I need some advice on this. I will not change the perspective. It is written for a school-essay prompt which reads, "Are rich people happy"? So, since I dont like my teacher, and because I have been wanting to do this for a while. I wrote a second-person narrative. Please give feedback. Thanks.
You are fifteen. You turn on your television, only 150 channels. You then sigh to yourself after being struck with the realization that you are probably missing a lot of great programs on the OnDemand feature offered by Charter which your parents' salaries are too modest to afford. To avoid further dismal thoughts, you flip off your TV which, for the moment, seems to be the source of your depression. You begin to wish that you were rich, then maybe you could be happy. You will persist, unfortunately, to see the world in these exact terms for the rest of your life.
You celebrated your 31st birthday five days ago. You have a decent job as a technical consultant with a large firm in Wisconsin. You no longer live with your parents, but even now you cannot afford OnDemand which you have wanted since you were fifteen. You long to be rich, then maybe you could have the finer things in life. You sit down in your torn sofa, propped up by folded cardboard under one leg. You then scratch off the silvery covering from some lottery tickets that you bought that morning. You hope that one day your nickel will scrape away the surface to reveal a winning combination. You realize that your chances of winning are slim, but you will always play, and you always have played since you were eighteen, because being rich appears to be the only way that you can ever be truly happy. You will persist, unfortunately, to see the world in these exact terms for the rest of your life.
You are 49. You still haven't won the lottery. You still buy tickets every Monday. You are now an assistant manager at the large technical consultant firm in Wisconsin. The man you replaced had a family of four, but you were just happy for the extra $4.50 an hour that your new position entailed. You bought the OnDemand from Charter a couple of days ago. There is nothing good on. You cancel your upgraded subscription the month after you get it. You are not interested in television anyway. What once pleased you no longer does. Your tastes are more refined, and expensive things tend to be satisfying. You still cannot afford expensive things. You might be able to afford the things you desire if you were rich, incentive. You will persist, unfortunately, to see the world in these exact terms for the rest of your life.
You are 67. You retired from your job two years ago. You now receive a pension check every month. You finally had enough money to buy a nice sports car, one of the expensive things that you had wanted. Your precious car sits in your two-car garage of your double-story house in the Florida Keyes where you now reside. Your license was revoked for your horrible vision, legally blind. The scratch-offs never pay out. You attempt to compensate for your loss of sight by acquiring the fanciest new items. You invest in stocks to become rich, because being rich appears to be the only way that you can ever truly be happy. You will persist, unfortunately, to see the world in these exact terms for the rest of your life.
You are 81. You are rich now. You spent your entire life gaining wealth, and you have achieved your goal. You are tired. You are dying. You have been for a year now. You sit in your sofa, made of the finest leather, loathing yourself. You spent so much time fighting to be rich. You realize how futile money is now. You wish that you had explored the world instead of wasting your life chasing something that didn't matter. You understand that no matter what you have, you always want something different. You never were happy. You are most certainly not happy now. It seems that being rich never did lead to happiness afterall. You are 81. You persisted, unfortunately, to see the world in these exact terms for your whole life. Your life is over now, though.
It was written kind of fast, but thats the basic idea. It must remain 5 paragraphs. Tell me what you think thanks.
Stonez
|
