Sam Winchester

Author's Note:

New part added on page 8

Derek Butler would never know why he stopped. The fuel gauge still gave him at least forty more miles, and he knew he could add roughly another five to ten on top of that before the car stalled. But he did stop. And so began the worst ten minutes of his life.

The dashboard clock read ten A.M., and the sun had just risen over the tips of the Appalachian Mountains, obscuring Butler's view of the road ahead; another reason to stop for a breather. In the passenger seat, his girlfriend, Michelle Chan, listened to her Ipod as she tried to doze off. There was still another ten hours journey ahead of them, and she wanted to be fully rested when they arrived at her parents' house. She was dreading the meeting already. They'd met Derek on a couple of occasions, but this one was different. This time, Derek was asking Daniel Chan for his daughter's hand in marriage, and while Derek wasn't sweating it in the least, Michelle was terrified. He didn't know her father like she did.

Butler woke his girlfriend from her fitful sleeping. She jumped when he touched her, and Butler stifled a laugh. The evening before, he'd inticed her into watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and suffice it to say no sleep was had afterward.

'Shit,' Butler exclaimed. 'I almost forgot about gas. We're gonna need to fill up at the next station, Michelle.'

'I don't think that's a good idea. Daddy's expecting us before evening, and you know what he'll be like if we're late.'

Butler didn't understand her fear of her father. 'Relax. We're not going to be late. I'm not going to stop for long. I'll fill her up, have one coffee, and we're on our way. You're not the only one who's tired here.'

His jibe didn't sit well. 'And just whose fault is that, Derek! If you hadn't made me watch that damned film last night, I wouldn't have spent the night tossing and turning, and you would have got more sleep!'

Butler loved when she was mad. Her face would lose some of its colour, and her most beautiful features emerged. He'd remarked many times that if she'd been an American, she would have surely been a fiery redhead. 'Calm down. Listen, I have to stop for gas anyway, so just relax, and we'll be out of here in a few minutes.'

A minute later, Butler eased the car in off the country back-road and into a lonesome service station. A sign above its pumps read, 'McKay's Service Station'. Another sign below told him it was the last one for some seventy miles. Butler parked his car beside the petrol pump and killed the ignition. He was surprised that, a few minutes later, no one had appeared to fill it up.

'Some service,' he muttered, grabbing the hose and filling it himself. When it was full, he opened the door, retrieved his wallet from his coat, and asked Michelle if she wanted anything.

'I think I'll come in.'

Butler didn't like leaving the car unattended, but decided that, in a place as devoid of activity as this, it wouldn't be stolen.

The hum of an air conditioner greeted their entry into the shop, and Butler sighed with pleasure. The car's AC system had been busted for months, and the fan was a poor substitute.

'Good morning. What'll it be?' A grey haired man in his mid fifties asked. His name tag read 'Billy'.

'Fifty dollars on pump number 1, Bill. And I'll have a cup of coffee. What about you, Michelle?'

'I'll take a cone with chocolate, thank you.'

'Sure thing. What brings you to this neck of the woods? You aren't locals?'

'No, Philly, actually - well, she's from China orginally,' Butler added, which annoyed Michelle. 'We're heading for Pittsburg.'

'Pittsburg? I'd say you're going to need more than one of these then,' Bill said, handing over a mug of coffee. 'Why'd'n't you take the highway?'

'Sightseeing.'

'Ah,' Bill nodded.

'How much will that be?'

'Fifty five dollars and twenty cent.'

Butler handed him sixty and told him to keep the change.

'Much appreciated. Have a good time.'

For some reason, perhaps curiosity, Butler circled the shop instead of going straight for the entrance.

A minute later, the sound of a chiming bell announced the arrival of a new customer. Butler couldn't see him clearly from his position at the back, but he immediately knew something was amiss. The temperature was in the mid eighties, yet the guy was wearing a long raincoat. The weather forecast didn't give rain at all today. Butler desperately wanted to get out of the shop, and realised he should have gone when he had the chance. Moving quietly, he turned the corner at the bottom of the store, and eyed the exit door.

'A fine morning to you, sir. How can I help you?' Bill asked.

'Twenty dollars on pump 3.'

'Sure thing. You want anything else?'

'No. Busy morning?'

Butler thought it weird that he'd ask such a question.

'Nope. You're my first customer.'

'That so? Good.'

Butler didn't know why Bill had lied, but he didn't get much time to think about it. The new guy tossed the raincoat aside, revealing a sawn-off shotgun, and pointed it directly at Bill.

'All right, cowboy. Take it easy there. I'll open the cash register.'

'Just shut up and do it!'

Butler thought about making a break for it. The robber's back was to him, and if he was quiet enough, he could reach the door without alerting him. But that meant leaving behind Bill. So what, he thought. I don't even know him. And he wasn't going to get the chance to, either.

The blast was deafening. Butler had to cover Michelle's mouth to keep her from screaming.

Shotgun pellets radially disperse at one inch every yard of travel. At that point-blank range, Bill took approximately all the force directly to his chest, firing him back against the wall with a sickening thud. The robber picked the money off the counter, turned, and fled out the only exit door.

Butler told Michelle to stay where she was, while he went to check on Bill. The discovery wasn't unpredictable. Bill was already beyond saving.

'Let's go,' Butler whispered.

'What?' Michelle asked in a shaky voice.

'I said let's go!'

'What happened?'

'It doesn't matter. We have to get out of here before the cops come. Come on!'

Butler rushed back to his car and helped Michelle inside. He leaned his head back on the headrest and wondered what the hell to do now. It was then that he saw it. Parked directly beside the front door was a large Cherokee jeep. How he'd missed out on the way out was a mystery. And then it hit him. He'd erred. Badly. Perhaps fatally.

He turned his eyes to the mirror. The robber smiled, revealing a hideous mouth with only about two or three teeth. He let out a laugh, and lifted his shotgun to Michelle's head...





Being dead for three minutes was the highlight of Derek Butler's existence. Technically, he should have remained that way; yet, he was alive, but death would have been far more humane.

He knew at the time he shouldn't have stopped, but the reality was that hindsight did nothing for him now. For all intents and purposes, Butler's life was over the second he pulled into the gas station.

For the past eleven months, he'd revisited it in his mind hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times. Well on his way to becoming an insomniac, Butler had also to deal with the excruciating pain of rehabilitation, and a physical therapist who was a pain in the ass. Of course, that was Dr Orthmeyer's job. He had to browbeat, lest his patients give less than a hundred percent.

'Mr Butler, there's a gentleman here to see you.' A nurse called from the door, startling Butler from his reverie.

'Dr Orthmeyer?'

'No. He's Chinese, by the looks of it.'

Chinese? It took a moment for Butler to understand. Immediately, images of Michelle swam into his thoughts. 'Tell him I've got a session with Dr Orthmeyer and that he'll have to wait.'

'I already tried, but he was insistent. I believe he even paid the doctor a hefty sum to take an early lunch. Your session has been postponed. He's waiting outside. I'll show him in.'

No! Butler's mind screamed, eyes darting around the room for another exit. The window, but he was on the fifth floor. Besides, he couldn't get very far even if he wasn't.

Daniel Chan had never, in eleven months, paid a visit to Butler. What the hell does he want with me now?

The nurse exited, and immediately the visitor stepped into the room. He was dressed impeccably in a three-piece suit, with matching shoes and briefcase. He looked like any other Oriental male - black hair, no real distinguishing features - but he wasn't Daniel Chan.

'Good morning, Mr Butler. I'm Hideo Nakasoto. I've been sent on behalf of Mr Chan - '

'Regarding what,' Butler replied.

Unfazed by the interruption, Nakasoto continued, 'Mr Chan would like to pay all your expenses from hereon, including your rehabilitation.' His English was also impeccable. He sat the briefcase on a table and flicked the latches.

'What! ' Butler snapped. Moving his wheelchair forward until he was beside Nakasoto, he continued in a deep growl, 'I've been sitting in this chair for almost a year, going through hell, trying to keep from going insane, and now, after all that time, Mr-fucking-Chan decides that he's gonna part with some of his precious money? Tell you what - take your fucking briefcase and get out of my sight.'

'I beg your - '

'No, but if I had the full use of my body, you would be begging right now. Take your briefcase and leave. Now! ' Butler may have been confined to a wheelchair, but he hadn't lost his ability to intimidate.

'I'm sorry you feel that way. Very well.' Nakasoto closed the briefcase and walked with a purpose to the door. Before leaving, he turned and said, 'You will be hearing from us again, Mr Butler, and next time, you mightn't like what we have to say. Good luck with your rehab.' He exited before Butler could make a riposte.

Fuming, Butler roared, 'nurse!'

The nurse returned to the room quickly, startled by Butler's cries. 'Yes?'

'Take me down to the lobby. I need to make a phone call. And when I get back, I want my session with the doc.'

'Very well.'

As the nurse wheeled him toward the elevator, Butler lightly touched his back, fingering the scars from the operation, and wondered how long it would be before he could fully walk again.



Sorry about the length, but any input is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Sam.

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omginternetlord

I just read the first chapter man, it's really nice. Flows nicely and it's very readable.

Couple minor things.

I would change the "a journey" to just "journey".
In these places you need a comma before the second quotes. I imagine you were put off by the capital "B"s on their names.

But that's about it. I really liked it.

Sam Winchester

Cheers for that, Internetlord. Anything I can take a look at for you?

Sam.

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Tiamat10

I think it's just a tad bit awkward to say 'no sleep was had.' Not muchly so, but it made me stop reading and think about it.



Same thing with "mightn't" I guess that could be a bit of dialect, but I'm not sure. Where are they? They were headed for Pittsburgh (which is where I'm from) and mightn't isn't something I've ever heard anyone say there.

The only other thing I wanted to point out was that 'Nakasoto' sounds more like a Japanese name to me, rather than a Chinese one. Dunno if that's at all important, but there you go.

Other than those couple things, I really liked this. It was well written and engrossing. Nicely done.

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"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper."
- Steve Martin

omginternetlord

Thanks but I'm holding off for a while. I am in the middle of something, but I'm way too insecure to post in on here, lol.

Sam Winchester

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Leamadzw

I need to read more!! I picked up on a few things, but they have already beein pointed out. But i really, truely enjoyed reading this. I pictured the whole thing perfectly! I hope to see more soon.

Thanks for sharing

Sam Winchester

I'm glad you like it, Lea. Unfortunately, that's all I've written at the moment, but as soon as I write the next bit, I'll post.

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joifulartist84

Sam,
I really enjoyed reading this and I can't wait to find out what happens!

If they're in a hurry to meet Michelle's father, why wouldn't they take the expressway?

Sorry to be nitpicky, but they wouldn't be able to see the Appalachians from so far away. Something about that description bothers me; I'm struggling to place their position in the States.

Otherwise I love it!

Joi

Sam Winchester

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joifulartist84

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Winchester I'm glad you enjoyed it, Joi. You make two good points. It's not that they're in a hurry, it's just that they didn't think this side-trip was going to cost them as much time as it did. Is the Appalchians not mostly covered in forestry? Are there not back-roads along the outlying forestry? My knowledge is really based on movies like Wrong Turn. Wasn't that set in the Appalchians? Anyway, any help with the geography would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Glad I can help, Sam! I've never seen Wrong Turn (never heard of it to be honest) but I have traveled frequently between Detroit and my home in New Jersey to visit my parents. In doing so I hit Toledo, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, the mountains, then Philadelphia. I live nearly in the Atlantic Ocean here, and that is about a 10 hour drive by expressway. To me, the mountains kinda sneak up on you; you're driving slightly uphill for awhile and then you crest the hill and suddenly there's a gorgeous green valley in front of you with rolling hills all around.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Winchester The dashboard clock read ten A.M., and the sun had just risen over the tips of the Appalachian Mountains...

It sounds like the couple are heading east to Pittsburgh, but wouldn't the sun be higher if it's 10 am? If they're still 10 hours away, they're out in the Midwest somewhere (I'm thinking Iowa) with flat farmland as far as I know. But if they're really deep in the mountains, they're probably in Pennsylvania, although not more than 3-4 hours away from Pittsburgh and not very far into their journey. And then they'd be heading west and the sun would be behind them.

You're absolutely right, the Appalachians are covered in trees and it would be possible to find some remote service station like that - but I'm not sure it would be seventy miles away from the next. On the interstate between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia (and for that matter, through to Chicago) there are giant service stations at regular intervals. Maybe they could be off in the Pennsylvania woodlands looking for the Amish and their homemade jam or a barn-raising!

Derek makes a sarcastic comment about the service at the station and I just want to let you know that in some states like New Jersey, it's actually illegal to pump your own gas. But in Pennsylvania, I believe it's only self-service.

Again I apologize for being nitpicky, because the description was well-written, just inaccurate. :-/ I'm afraid I can't add much more than that as I'm not confident enough in my own grammar to critique anyone else's!

Joi
P.S. My boyfriend did see Wrong Turn and he says he thinks that was based more in the south; Kentucky and Smokey Mountains.

Erdhexe

This was a great read and I enjoyed it a lot. The chapter is suspenseful and fast-paced, and you have a great style.

The only thing that threw me (but perhaps that's just me) was that in the beginning, you called your MC Derek in the narration, then switched back to Butler. It's maybe a good idea to call the MC either by the first or the last name consistently. "Why'd'n't" and "mightn't" kind of made me halt, too.

That's all the nit-picking I could find, and it's just that: nit-picking.

I really wonder what happened to Butler's girlfriend!

Claudia

Sam Winchester

Thanks for that, Claudia. Sometimes - depending on the impact I want a sentence to make - I call the character by either his first or second name. I picked up the habit from Tom Clancy - his MC is Jack Ryan; sometimes he calls him Jack, sometimes Ryan.

I'm glad you liked it. I'll explain later on what happened to Michelle - don't want to involve a flashback in the chapter!

On the advice of others - mostly Serv (Non Serviam) - I changed this from a prologue to a first chapter. I then went on to say "eleven months later" in the next. Notice how it doesn't really take anything away from the story? Prologues are really unnecessary, I've learned - and it was hard to, because I always used them beforehand.

Anyway, thanks for the read, Claudia, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Sam.

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Erdhexe

Yes, I've noticed that and I decided to change mine from prologue to first chapter as well

Claudia

Sam Winchester

Good, I think with your piece of work, that prologue is more suited to be a first chapter.

Thanks again for the read.

Sam.

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