Sam Winchester

As usual, Fossy, you are on the money.

It's beautifully poised, isn't it? No one (myself included, to a certain extent) knows what the hell's going on! Do you think I should start the next chapter a few months later when Butler finally learns to walk again, or go through the process of showing his rehabilitation? Not too sure on that one.

Again, thanks for the read, Fossy. Glad you enjoyed it.

Sam.

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Hugowin

This is what I meant with: But...

Diagnosis:

Unintelligentsia syndrome: hasty generalization about intelligibility + lazyness = thoughtlessness (what a beautiful but dystopian word). Contemplation must be lacking from your reading of my sincere critique. The writing is, of course, complicated, but meaningfully so: you actually have to think before it makes sense. Perhaps you are far too accustomed to script-like storytelling (read Checkov, Cheever or Updike for great storytelling) to be able to grasp thoughtful prose writing. I do not want to help you improve this Hostile Intent. I'd rather see you deliberately throw it away.

Treatment:

Have you ever read great philosophical writing? I suggest that you start reading: it requires more than a blip ammount of reflection before the beaming afterglow of comprehension:

Nietzsche, Wittgenstein ("philosophical investigations"), Hume, Stanley Cavell ("The Claim of Reason") and Seneca. Since your writing style is the epitome of irrational instrumentalism you might aswell read some rational pragmatism: Richard Rorty and Hillary Putnam.

Once you have learned to think and take thought seriously, you can learn to give verbal meaning to the shades of thought. Then you can read George Orwell's "Politics and the English language." and understand the meaning of "verbiage".

Sam Winchester

Seriously, fein, just talk English, for f**k sake! Kindly explain to me what you are trying to say in a way that makes sense and isn't you trying to show off what you think is a brilliant vocabulary.

How, exactly, is my writing complicated? Care to shed some light on that one? Maybe we should ask those other people who've already read this thread? Does anyone who's read this thread think my writing is complicated?

Hugowin, seeing as you are this brilliant, all-knowing writer, why don't post some of your work?

Sam.

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Hugowin

I'll share my next slush of icy fictionade with you. Usually I either drink it up fast or throw it away. I can't stand the taste of tepid fictionade. But eventually I'll be able to keep it constantly cold; that is, when I have accumulated enough ice and sunshine in my heart to freeze and thaw anything with the variety of my breathing.

Hugowin

My writing is complicated, true and comic (like Simpsons and Seinfeld). Your writing is easy-going, false (because of attempted realism), and tragic (like Married... with children and Days of our lives).

I've said enough; now I'm going to review a writer instead.

Fossy

Yeah, okay.


Anyway, Sam back to you. If you want to slow the pace a bit, show the rehab, but, and this is a big but, rehab is boring to everyone except the person going through it. Unless you want to make this mushy, skip the re-hab, or just show back-flashes of it.

Get the guy up on his feet cursing, sweating, remembering the pain, but walking. Please.

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Originally posted by Sam Winchester.
Fossy's good too. She gives good advice.

Sam Winchester

I reiterate my earlier point: let's see some of your brilliant work then, Hugowin. Had you presented your negative critique in a less ostentatious manner, maybe I would have taken you more seriously. Have a look through this thread - there are people who've negatively critiqued. The difference with theirs is that they actually brought across their point in a meaningful way. Seeing as you're a new member, try not to alienate yourself on the first few posts. Just a little friendly advice.

And by the way, Married with Children is one of the best sitcoms of all time.

Because of the way you brought it across, your opinion now means nothing to me.

By the by, can't wait to see your work.

Fossy - thanks for the advice. I was thinking that showing the rehab wouldn't work. I think I'll do it in flashbacks. Thanks.

Sam.

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Hugowin

I'd rather be an ostentatious eagle and soar conspiciously high, to glide with the rough winds, than a proud ostrich pretending to be an aardvark, sticking his tongue and face into the sticky comfort and conformity of the ant's nest.

We live in a time where being brutally obnoxious is nigh the only way to speak honestly and truthfully; at least I laugh too, at least I don't take myself too seriously. I haven't yet written any great fiction. I began to write and read again, to really re-create myself, after a recent psychosis.
What do I care about myself? The most eminent purpouse of my "attack" on you was for me to have some light-hearted, truthful time. I discovered, after carelessly browsing through this forum, how carelessly you have insulted even greater writers than yourself. Your regime of terror ("good advice") is steadily degenerating the already awful level of reading comprehension, imagination, and intelligence here: you are clogging, with your in-experienced comments, the natural well of some of the more zestful writers, by making them irrationaly jelous of your own failed, water-dearth, artificial well.

PS - I grew up with both "Married with children" and "Days of Our lives," and not even halcyon nostalgia could avert my eventual re-evaluation of those horrific shows. One could enjoy them though, still, when imagining that the writer at least pretended to be ironic.

Sam Winchester

You make me laugh, Hugowin, you really do. I've given critiques to hundreds of members, and I haven't heard any of them complain yet. You're talking complete and utter horseshit, which doesn't surprise me when you try to show off every two seconds by using a big word. Using formal language doesn't make you a good writer. It makes you a writer trying to show off, and there's nothing worse.

Give me an example of how I've insulted anyone else. You haven't browsed anywhere, Hugowin. I go out of my way to try and spare the feelings of those I critique. You're talking through your arse.

I never said I was a "great writer". That's why I'm on a forum like this - to learn. Why, exactly, oh mighty Hugowin, are you on this forum? You seem to know it all already. You've only been a member for, what, a day? You show me a comment of mine where I insult someone else.

Sam.

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Nevermore

I have something to say here- and so I speak. Let my words not offend anyone or else they are wasted, nor respond with aggression or I will not comment against you again. Sam, your first comment on my work seem to me to be a little harsh:

"Honestly, what has this entire paragraph even told me? Nothing. You are trying way too hard to sound "writerly". This is the worst mistake you can make. I can't even get past this first paragraph because there is too much verbose. Your writing is good, but over-descriptiveness and over-writing is not.

Sam."

I didn't take offence, but I was deterred in accepting your advice because of the style in which it was presented. You seemed to pick a quailty you didn't like and railed against it. If you had even mentioned a quailty that led you to believe that my writing is good, then your comment would not have seemed so damming. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm merely stating my feelings on the matter at hand; you should always try to look for the good and the bad in your comments.

And Hugowin, Sam has got a point here. Keep sweeping imagery and the well-educated patter for your writing, not your comments. While it may be in the best intentions, you must concede that even the best writer's here may find this less than desirable. Be humble in the face of your peers, in this way you are always seen to be honourable. And your signature image is a bit much; it strengthens the idea of flaunting your views and takes a while to load up. I like the image, but a smaller version would be ideal. The idea of eagles and ant-eaters was nice too.

That is my piece, I feel better for saying it.

Nevermore

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That black shadow whose words shone light on the deepest concerns of the soul did give the name "Nevermore"
"Only this and nothing more."
"Oh, and type Bernard's Letter into Google. It'll do ya good."

Erdhexe

Don't feed the troll (or in this case, the Pikuchu)

Claudia

Sam Winchester

Nevermore, if you want to be patronised by people, you've come to the wrong forum. It seems to me that you did take offence to my comment. If so, I apologise. In my defence, my comments are usually well founded and lacking in anything resembling aggression. If you do not believe me, you should check out a few other of my critiques. That night which I read your work, it was late, I was tired, and I should have logged off way sooner. I didn't. My comment was meant to help, though, not alienate. If that didn't seem the case, I apologise again.

However, was my comment not somewhat correct? Was it not backed up by others? Did I not say your writing was good, if a little over the top? What I'm trying to say is: patronisation is not good. I can tell you that everything is rosy with your writing just to make you feel good, but if this isn't true, what good will it do you when someone else comes along and tears into your work? I'm being honest, while being as thoughtful as I can. Your one post is the exception. Again, I apologise for that. It doesn't happen often, and it won't happen again.

Sam.

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Jax1108

This is getting ridiculous.
Hugowin. Nothing you say makes sense. You very first comment was a bunch of jibberish meshed in with misplaced adjectives - are you trying to sound intellectual? Cause if you have honestly read Sam's work and think somehow that his "writing" shows arrogance or complication or whatever other idiocracy it is you claim, then you are obviously...well, not. Your attacks - cause thats what they were - were completly unneccissary and unwarranted. Sam is one of the greatest and most writable knowledgable writers on here. If you have some sort of whacked out personal vandeta against him, then leave it off this forums.

Nevermore - I would agree with Sam. And I wouldn't call his criticizm "harsh." It was true. Do you expect us here to sugar coat things? Instead of trying to whine your way into being accepted for your writing style, why not listen to some advice and maybe be openminded? Grow a pair

Thats all I have to say. I hope this will stop. I personally hate to see Sam get frustrated like this, because many of us here have benefited from him and enjoy his honest, concise critiques.

And sorry if this was "harsh" or bitchy. I just can't stand to see this go by, especially on Sam's account.
Jax

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Warning: Contains mass amounts of cheese.

Fossy

Jax, Sam, listen to what Claudia said, and DON'T FEED THE TROLL.

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Originally posted by Sam Winchester.
Fossy's good too. She gives good advice.

Jax1108

AH! sorry just saw that
*zips her lip*

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Warning: Contains mass amounts of cheese.