BrizieBoomtastic

This is my first ever short story, and I'm going to trust posting it online.
I take all criticism. Good or bad. I don't care.






Life Without Music.


Ok so there was this girl, her name was Xana, and she LOVED music. It was her life.
She listened to it all day everyday. She listened to it while she slept, when she was getting ready for school, in the mornings, and on her way to school.
Although she loved music very much, she could not listen to it while she was at school. Her school had this stupid, strict policy: NO MUSIC! Everyday when she stepped off the bus, that stupid rule flashes in her head. Over and over again. But as soon the after school bell rings, she has her headphones glued to her ears.
She knew thousands of songs. She listened to music on her way home from school, while driving, shopping, sitting around the house, doing homework, eating. ALL THE TIME!
Then, one day, when she woke up, her stereo was silent. She thought something must be wrong with the station, so she changed it to the next one. Nothing. Another station. Nothing.
"No biggie" She thought.
She went to her dresser and got out her i-Pod, turned it on, and waited. Waited. Waited. Nothing. On the screen, it showed the song was playing, but she didn't hear anything. Maybe something was wrong with her headphones.
She went to where she kept her spares, grabbed her next-best pair and plugged them in. Still nothing. Something wasn't right.
She went to the living room to turn on the family stereo and put in one of her CDs. Nothing. No music? This could NOT be happening.
What would life be without music?
Whatever it was, she was going to have to take it like a man.
She got ready for school.... With no music. Silence isn't golden. It's so damn loud, it's piercing. She went to, through, and from school... With no music. This was going to be very, very, very hard.
When she got home, her mom told her she needed her to take her little brother to soccer practice. As soon as she got into the car, she turned on her radio. Still nothing. She turned it off to conserve the battery. Her brother went AWOL.
"What are you doing?! I love this song! And since when do you turn off the radio?"
She turned it back on and watched as her brother sang and danced to a silent (to her) song.
Now she knew something was seriously wrong. How come he could hear the music, but she couldn't?
The next day at school, Xana heard the most breaking news ever. "Band has been cut from the schools extra curricular activity list. Anyone taking band needs to make arrangements to be picked up after school."
Xana had no idea what she was going to do. People always tell her that music can not be her life, but in all actuality, it is.
Her life depended on it.
That evening, she decided to go to bed early. In hopes that her music would come back, she turned on her radio. After a while, she heard a continuous drumming sound. Just a straight boom, boom, boom, boom. Like someone was continuously striking a drum set in the same note.
She jumped out of bed, because that was music to her. No matter what it was, she liked it.
When she finally found the noise, she hit the snooze button and crawled back into bed.

__________________
-Brizie. <3

BrizieBoomtastic

I don't know why but it is not indenting my paragraphs.

I tried to edit it but it's not showing.

__________________
-Brizie. <3

BrizieBoomtastic

nothing?

__________________
-Brizie. <3

spider8

It kept my interest till the end and, believe me, that's a lot more than most posted stories do. I did find the ending a littte bit flat. There was a few problems with the punctuation. The first word 'Ok' should have a comma after it, etc. But the most difficult thing about writing any story is maintaining the reader's attention. You did this but it was a very short story.

Erik Buchanan

The premise is interesting, but the ending does feel kind of weak.

Why does the music go away? What is that noise she's hearing? Why can only she not hear the music?

As I said, the premise is good, but there's too many unanswered questions for this one to be satisfying.

__________________

NotSoTypical

Its o

__________________
Check out my blog!

->HERE<-

NotSoTypical

Its ok, but in my honsest opinon, it needs a lot of work.

In p

__________________
Check out my blog!

->HERE<-

NotSoTypical

Its ok, but in my honsest opinon, it needs a lot of work.

In places the grammer isn't the best. The story line leaves lots of questions. Why does the music stop? Why doesn't it come back? The ending is a bit flat. It is also far to short.

However, for your first short story it's not that bad, and I think you show promise! Just keep practising!

__________________
Check out my blog!

->HERE<-