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| Critique and Advice Works seeking critique, advice or assistance. |
12-21-2007, 10:05 PM
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#1
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Harlem, NY
Gender: Male
Posts: 71
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Yet to be titled (profanity)
well, i've had some major writers block, so i just decided to write down a random story and see where it lead me. I just banged out about a page and i was hoping y'all would tell me what you think.
“You’re goanna go in there, and not shoot anybody,” said Tom “You got that?”
The new guy, Hank, just nodded.
“You shoot somebody, you fuck this up for me, and you fuck it up for the family,” Tom kept lecturing “when somebody fucks up, bad things happen to good people, comprende?”
Tom headed into the dimly lit house. His clammy hands buried inside of his pockets, gripping the cold, hard .44 tightly. He started to sweat. Bad things happen to good people he could almost hear Tom say. He opened the door slowly. He took his gun out and pointed it ahead of him.
“Hey, anybody home?” Tom tried to sound tough. Then a figure moved out of the living room. Out of reflexes, Hank opened fire.
“Oh, shit” he said out loud. Four holes had ripped through the fat man’s chest.
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12-22-2007, 05:26 AM
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#2
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: The safety of my head
Gender: Male
Posts: 796
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There's not really enough of it to comment. What exactly do you want to know about it?
__________________
"It's always fun until someone gets hurt, and then it's just hilarious"
Ricochet - Faith No More
"Walk softly, and carry a big gun."
Force Commnander - Dawn of War
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12-22-2007, 06:20 AM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Out in the bush, Queensland, Australia, far from the madding crowd
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,544
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...
__________________
How Beautiful it is to Do Nothing, and then Rest Afterwards . . . . . Spanish proverb
Last edited by The Backward OX : 12-22-2007 at 06:25 AM.
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12-22-2007, 09:30 AM
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#4
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Harlem, NY
Gender: Male
Posts: 71
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Destroyer
There's not really enough of it to comment. What exactly do you want to know about it?
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if it's at least a good start. i'm sorry their ain't enough of it, but like i said i got some major writers block. |
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12-22-2007, 03:29 PM
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#5
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Writer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Newyorkknicks07
if it's at least a good start. i'm sorry their ain't enough of it, but like i said i got some major writers block.
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Unless you've written atleast three novels, you're not entitled to use the word 'writers block'. |
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12-22-2007, 10:16 PM
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#6
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Harlem, NY
Gender: Male
Posts: 71
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Floris
Unless you've written atleast three novels, you're not entitled to use the word 'writers block'.
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ok, i've got no ideas? that makes it better? anyways, you got any advice or anything. |
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