mr_ridd

Hey guys, thought I try a different style. Tell me what you think. The title might be a bit misleading but don't worry about that.

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A drop of sweat ripples down his cheek. This is just another night of fun, hardly compares to the excitement of last night though for the Savior. Killing villains, sorcerers, slaying evil; letting good spread like an airborne disease throughout the city.

The tougher soldier of the group makes a stance, swinging his chain like a low budget kung-fu movie. But this is real, this is the real stuff. Jason closes his eyes viewing the world from within, building an exact picture of his situation, piece by piece. The kung-fu swinger, the adept swordsmen, even the wizard made it tonight holstering more explosives that a Japanese suicide bomber.

Jason runs his thumb across his cheek wiping away the sweat. Just a habit really, he knows he’s got this one down. He takes a step forward grinding his heavy stylish boots into the dirt. Lifting his silk mask above his nose he whispers, “This is it boys, come get me.”

As if on command the three men charge. Chains fly. Steal pipes thrash beside him. A grenade even makes its way into the air… Jason shoots up clutching the grenade and launches it into the sky. Bang! The night sky just turned into a fireworks display. He descends like a twenty-ton rock off the side of the cliff face. His fist bashes into the swingers chest sending him stumbling backwards, lost, lonely, dead!

The wannabe gangster pulls out another pipe from his side; a well made Arthur sword stolen from his elite blacksmith buddy. Jason takes one to the neck, then the stomach. He swipes but misses. Sends his foot riveting into thin air. Taking a step back he wonders what has happened, how the swordsman could get the better of him. Through his hazy vision he notices the wizard jiggling his arm around, scattering a powder, the Odor of Death. He’s heard about this magic but never thought it actually existed.

Without another option the savior opens his eyes. The sacrilege. Even the least gifted would think twice. But this isn’t a time for claiming one’s brilliance, this is a new kind of evil, this is the real war. Jason pulls a steal shard from his belt forcing it into the wizard’s chin. He grips the shameless wizard’s head between his bicep and forearm whispering a hykoo that a cat would even battle to hear, “You’ll taste Satan in hell!” The wizard’s neck snaps like a twig off a decaying fig tree, leaving only the swordsman to take the brunt. He gives a cunning smile knowing what’s about to happen next. Jason paces around him like a rabid dog about to attack an innocent child. But this child is not innocent, he doesn’t even shit innocent.

The gangster pumps his arms as if thinking he has a chance. The clanking of the rusty steal echoes through the abandoned alleyway as the beast hits his two pipes together. “Ya never gon’ up against someone like me befor’ Savior.” Jason smirks almost laughing at the boasting barbarian, “That’s because I’ve never met you!” The swordsman dashes towards him, throwing one mighty slam. Miss. Slam. Miss. Jason sidesteps, cocks his elbow and barrels it into the gangster’s neck. He drops to the ground taking with him years of sin and death; just another one down.

Jason lowers his mask breathing in another sweet tasting victory. He runs off into the darkness knowing that this is only the beginning, that this is only the beginning of his new life.

Sam Winchester

How old are you? To be quite honest, you have still a lot to learn about how to construct sentences properly; about how and when to use a comma; and about when and where to use a full-stop. I'm not getting on your case here, but if you're going to post something on this forum, the least you could do is make sure it's in a good condition before doing so. That's why you've had no critiques on this piece. People can't wrap their heads around it. It's not all about stringing together a few words that sound good and thinking that the sentence reads all right to you. Advice number 1: always read your work back after you've finished it, and again the next morning - whether in your head or out loud is up to you, but I would reccommend the latter. Sometimes you see things you hadn't the night before. Hope I've helped.
Your friend, Sam.