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Looking for feedback on a small piece
I am considering this as a final chapter to a story I have yet to write. This is a "10 years later" kind of chapter after the story itself finishes in the chapter before it.
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It was the start of October and the sun was beginning to give up the fight against the winter as the mornings and nights grew darker and colder.
One Friday evening, Lewis drove carefully through the school gates and brought the car to rest in the car park where other parents sat in their warm cars waiting for their children to emerge from the building in front of them.
With the radio on low, he could still hear the rain drops trickling onto the roof of the car as the heater continued to blow warm air through its grates, a contrast to the weather outside the car windows which was wet, dark and bleak.
Ten minutes later, a little girl yanked open the car door, threw her bag onto the back seat and climbed in beside Lewis. Last time he saw her, her hair was tidy, carefully placed into a ponytail by her mother before she left for school that morning. Now it was messy, wet from the rain and bore all the signs of having endured a day full of play and adventure.
“Hello Amy, how was your day?” asked Lewis with a warm, welcoming smile.
“Hi Dad!” Amy answered as she fastened her seat belt over her wet school clothes “remember it’s my party tonight! I can’t wait!”
Lewis smiled again, more to himself than to Amy. It was such a good feeling to see her loving school so much, he had been filled with doubts as she approached her 5th birthday and almost decided in favour of home education before his wife insisted they should at least give school a try.
That night, Lewis waited eagerly for his daughter to enter the living room wearing the Halloween costume that had been bought for her party. She had been looking forward to this party for weeks and had become almost uncontrollable when she’d seen her costume hanging on the kitchen door when she returned from school. She was a sociable child and she loved parties, like most children Lewis suspected.
A small voice called out suddenly from behind the door “Are you ready? Close your eyes!”
Lewis and his wife closed their eyes as the living room door creaked open and the little voice continued “Ok, you can look now!”
Together, they opened their eyes and there stood in front of them a six year old witch with dark green hair, a long black gown and a black, glittery, pointed hat. She held a broomstick in her hand as she grinned menacingly at her parents who, to Amy’s dismay, had never seen anything so beautiful.
Lewis bundled his daughter into the car and took his seat behind the steering wheel and as the car began to move slowly out of the driveway, Amy asked for the radio to be turned on. Once he knew he was clear of oncoming traffic, he turned into the main road, turned on the radio and began to drive to the party.
After a few minutes, the car came to rest at traffic lights and Lewis took the opportunity to glance at his daughter through the rear view mirror. Her large brown eyes glistened against the streetlights outside and her expression wore a permanent look of innocent curiosity. He tore his eyes away from the mirror and concentrated instead on the road ahead, a sore lump emerging quickly in his throat. Before he could wipe his stinging eyes, Amy turned away from the window and gazed directly at him, a small grey rabbit toy clutched in her tiny hand.
“What’s wrong dad? Do you have something stuck in your eye? Don’t rub it, you’ll make it sore”.
Lewis laughed but the painful lump in his throat increased in size.
“You remind me of someone Amy, Someone very special that I used to know” He said as the traffic began to move again.
“Who?” asked Amy.
“Just a good friend I used to have”
“isn’t she your friend anymore?”
Lewis paused the conversation, buying himself time to control his emotions before replying with a smile “Of course, true friends stay friends forever”.
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In the rest of the story, the mans best friend commits suicide as a teen and this is the friend he is refering to.
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