Hello, need some tips - Writers Forum

Drezzal · 11-13-2007, 09:42 AM

I really want to write something great and at the moment i have a lot of free time on my hands. I would like some info on if this would make a good story or not. I am not a brilliant writer but if i spent a lot of time on something, i can accomplish a lot

Remember, this is not a story. Just part of a rough idea that i have.

It is about a boy at school who is always being bullied and one day he decides to run away. On the night he ran away he ran across an abandoned building where he decided to spend the night. When he entered the building he stumbled across a coffin and when he opened it he found a skeleton with a stake threw it's chest. He did not know what to think of this so he ran out and continued on through the night. On his journey he had the feeling that he was being followed as he noticed a shadow at one point and kept hearing foot steps as he walked through the dark forest. It turns out that the follower was a vampire who lived in the abandoned building and he gived the boy a choice. Since he seen knows too much, he has to become the vampires assistant or die. Obviously he chooses to become the assistant, so they continue back to the abandoned old building and the vampire takes him into the basement where he performs the ritual to make him a vampire.

Well, that is part of is, i do not want to give too much away

The reason i made this post is to ask, will this story interest you ?

If i get enough positive feedback i am prepared to spend a lot of time on this.

P.S| Yes, i love vampires

Amara-J · 11-13-2007, 09:47 AM

Sounds interesting. (Keep in mind, though, that it's usually more about the writer's personal touch and style rather than the story plot. Unless the plot is absolutely cliche - which for now, yours isn't because this is just the exposition - I see no reason for it to *not* be potentially captivating.) As for bad writing, I'm sure most of us started out that way - and some may be still stuck there. Nothing else to do but practice.

Have fun!

~Amara-J

WriterJohnB · 11-13-2007, 10:06 AM

Seems to me you're giving away a LOT with the stake thru the chest. Everyone will know, right off, it's a vampire stalking the boy.

Hope that helps,

JohnB

WriterDude · 11-13-2007, 10:13 AM

First, he gave the boy a choice, not gived the boy a choice. Small typo, there.

As for the story, it sounds interesting. The stake through the heart was a bit of a spoiler, and for that matter, how did the vampire chase the boy if the boy didn't remove the stake in the first place? And besides, what would have happened if the boy decided to run away? And what happens when his parents starts to miss him? I assume turning the boy into a vampire only lets him live at night like a "proper" vampire? I see a lot of potential here, but you should make sure details like this is adressed first. Good luck!

Mr Sci Fi · 11-13-2007, 10:25 AM

There's always a market for Vampire fiction. You're bound to find a million teenage girls that will find it interesting. If I'm not mistaken, those Stephanie Meyer books are doing exceptionally well.

I say go for it.

Drezzal · 11-13-2007, 11:31 AM

Thanks a lot for your feedback, haha can't believe i wrote 'gived' hahaha

WriterDude · 11-13-2007, 11:42 AM

I'm a thirty year old guy, and I love vampires. I'm curious why you said teeange girls? As in, why shouldn't teenage boys and older people of both gender find it interesting?

Faustling · 11-13-2007, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WriterDude

I'm a thirty year old guy, and I love vampires. I'm curious why you said teeange girls? As in, why shouldn't teenage boys and older people of both gender find it interesting?

He didn't say only teenage girls liked vampires, just that a lot of the vampire fans happen to be teenage girls. Which is true, at least in my experience. I think it's something about the mysterious, sexy, bloodsucking badboy thing. Or whatever. A lot of teenage girls like vampires anyway.

Jade M · 11-13-2007, 12:02 PM

Like WriterJohnB said the stake thing gives things away. I'd make it a bit less obvious. I also doubt that after seeing a dead body the person would run into the nearest creepy forest he could find, you might want to make the location that the vamp follows him to a bit less cliche. It could be somewhere dark and isolated but not a creepy forest.

On the whole, yes i do like the idea and it could be a good story. I love vampire novels too

Drezzal · 11-13-2007, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WriterDude

I'm a thirty year old guy, and I love vampires. I'm curious why you said teeange girls? As in, why shouldn't teenage boys and older people of both gender find it interesting?

Have you read darren shans books ? His vampire books (the saga of darren shan or Cirque Du Freak series) are amazing, there are 12 in total.

Well i have been thinking and the whole stake thing does give it away. Well here is another idea, remember im just giving you a rough outline of PART of the story, i have a lot of ideas bottles up, especially on vampires [-o<

An average school boy with a normal happy life is visited by a vampire hunter. The vampire hunter says that the boy is in serious danger if he doesn't leave with him right away. He takes the boy back to his home where the vampire awaits and kills the hunter. The vampire tells the boy that the hunter was planning to kill him because he is important to the vampire race, he is the only one that could lead the vampires to victory against the demons. But the hunter thought the vampires wanted to use the boy to kill the human race and didnt know the truth. If the hunter killed the boy it would have been the end of the human race and the vampire race.