The Backward OX

(Under 700 words)
Perhaps an introduction to something longer . . .

. . . or perhaps it might go back where I found it, in a bottom drawer. I suppose my only question is: would it draw readers in? If you opened a book and read this on the first page, how would you react? If it has possibilities, could it be improved? And if the couple involved move on beyond Charles de Gaulle Airport, or wherever, would local knowledge be a must, or could one wing it by picking up stuff off the Net/from books?
Thank you.



“Mam dosc! I’ve had enough! Nienawidze Cie! I hate you! Nie pisz wiecej! Don’t write again!”

(thinks) “I’ll marry her one day.”

Thus to the next phase in the ongoing battle - or love song - that crossed half the planet. They had “met” by chance, two souls wandering the Internet in search of . . . what? At one end of the spectrum of human experience, a semi-retired Australian, sufficiently old to have easily become a cynic, yet with hope springing eternal. Twice-married, twice-divorced, alone but not lonely, and enough of his own person to have “c’est la vie” as a personal philosophy. At the other, a not quite middle-aged professional lady, self-employed as an architect in a satellite of one of Poland’s largest cities, or as she so entertainingly put it in her schoolbook English “I am nearly Warsaw.” Fiery-tempered, impetuous, the type from whom one would normally run if a peaceful existence was important.

Why then, were they drawn to each other? Few questions concerning the human condition have a simple answer.

And what were the chances of such a union becoming consummated? There was the small matter of the vast schism between, on the one hand, many hundreds of years of civilisation, customs and traditions, and strong religious links to the mother of all churches (including a vaguely held notion that an unhappy marriage is nevertheless a tie that binds), and on the other, the relative lack of sophistication that comes with a new nation, a healthy dose of agnosticism and a firmly held belief that everyone should look out for number one.




Malcolm is being told off, yet again, for his infuriatingly logical confrontations with the not-so-peaceful Eva on the opposite side of the world. Strangely, given these encounters, a rapport exists, a level of understanding that is totally at variance with the image they present, of fighting like a pair of Cill Chainnigh felines.

Looking back just a little way in time gives insight into the evolution of these skirmishes . . .

. . . Eva is presently gloomy, although by nature she is effervescent and vivacious. She is married, but unhappily so, as her husband is simply not a people person and at times even seems unaware she exists. Consequently, she buries herself in her career. A computer and internet connection is a necessary adjunct to her work, and occasionally, to balance the workaday grind and lift her spirits, she messes about on the Net, exploring.

. . . Malcolm is at a loose end. Having given up paid employment in the city for something less stressful, he has chosen to leave the rat-race and purchase a cottage in a country district, which will become his lebensraum. To develop a new interest he invests in a computer, together with a word-processing program and a modem, then decides to channel his literary skills into writing. He wants to write about people, and is inspired to seek stories from around the world, via the medium of the Internet. A few false starts, learning about such plebeian links as newsgroups and chatrooms, have him despairing of ever finding precious stones amongst the shale. Then a chance click lands him on a pen-friend site, where it appears an occasional diamond may well be winnowed.

He posts a message on this site, announcing his intentions, and seeking contact. E-mails start coming in. Some are followed up, most are deleted. Then he hears from Eva.

Writing as a hobby is placed on the back-burner.

After a subdued start, the skirmishing commences. Fuelled by the language barrier, Eva’s fiery temper ensures there is little peace on the electronic link. Malcolm knows he should simply sever all ties and move on, yet he is not the type to walk away from a mental challenge. One thing leads to another and eventually arrangements are made for them to meet in Paris. Face-to-face, chemistry exists, and Eva surprises everyone, including herself, by deciding to follow her heart . . . . . . .

__________________
Originally Posted by Wildcard
I view with distaste the excretions polluting this site, suffering when I read another by-product of the boredom of one with access to a computer and the internet. As I read I feel I am being defecated on, and cling to an idea that one day I may find solace in the words of one who takes pride in their work.

WriterJohnB

Very nice writing and it did draw me in. By the time I got to the end, however, I was tired of being told about the relationship. I wanted some examples of these fiery exchanges.

Rather than an introduction to a meeting, I think their initial jousting should be part of the story.

Hope that helps,

JohnB

__________________
http://www.johnbushore.com

Susie's Mom

JohnB makes a good point. It would be nice to hear those exchanges in their own voices. I like this. It has an air of danger about it, considering all the stories we've heard about NEVER meeting someone you encounter online. Anything could happen in Paris.

The Backward OX

JohnB, Susie's Mom, thank you for taking the time. Clearly I have a way to go yet.

__________________
Originally Posted by Wildcard
I view with distaste the excretions polluting this site, suffering when I read another by-product of the boredom of one with access to a computer and the internet. As I read I feel I am being defecated on, and cling to an idea that one day I may find solace in the words of one who takes pride in their work.

smilinghelps

Ox~

First of all, I want you to know how proud I am to be reading your writing!

You wrote! Something you claim you don't do--hah! You actually did it pretty well.

Secondly, while I agree that I'd be happy to hear the exchanges of words I was impressed with the scene-setting. I'd like to know a little more about Eva's willingness to stray on her unaffectionate husband, a little more history here would be helpful (otherwise, to me Eva is an opportunistic slut and I don't want her to be).

Third, I would suggest that the voices could be "heard" through some of their email exchanges. How did they meet? What did they first say to each other and when did it turn romantic?

This did pull me in. It took a few sentences for me to get the rhythm but by the end I was scrolling down hoping to find more. That's a sign of good stuff.

Keep it up!

__________________
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."
E. B. White

Malone

I like the slightly expiremental stlye you're using here, but it gets almost...confusing at times.
The opening line of foreign/english language is cool, but you may be able to tighten it up some, particularly the "thinks" part, the rest works well. The entire premise is great. I love the combination of long distance, internet, argumentative, different language, extramarital relationship you're dealing with here. I agree with the other posters that I grew tired of being told about their relationship. You set it up well, then grow sort of repetitive in an attempt to make it clear to the reader. Assume we're somewhat intelligent, even if we usually aren't.
The "I am nearly Warsaw" line was great! I really chuckled at that.
I enjoyed reading this opener quite a bit!

ieuan

I though it an interesting read,