Tsuki

My teeth sunk into the fruit, and the watery juices flowed in. I squinted at the bitter taste of a large strawbarry. A ripe, heart-shaped, crimson strawbarry fastened between my pink lips. The juices were euphoric. It was like stepping into a love scene of a great movie; remembering your favoritie memory-- Like last Chistmas, or Easter...or like the time that you were in the park with that one guy.. He would push your swing for hours, as you laughed and exchanged grins. The wind pulling through your hair like lotion. He would push your swing till no end , without ever taking a single glance at his watch...you know, those memories.
The taste of a strawbarry to me, is the best thing in the world. I can only compare it to the perfect feeling.
I released the fruit to my mouth, as my tongue massaged the pores of the strawbarry. I slowly began to puncture it lightly, enjoying every bit of the gore that craved to pour down my throat. I held the last sliver of fruit between my greedy fingers, and finally my reverie deteriorated when I decided to open my eyes.

Mom and Dad were staring at me from across the dinner table. Giving me the "look." The "confused glare." A glare with words; they wish they could travel back
in time and put me up for adoption, so they can try their chances at having a "normal" child. Well, atleast that's what I have deciphered. I swollowed the fruit whole, gulping it down slowly. The sensation of warm fruit traveling down my throat was erotic.
"Aren't you going to finish your salad dear?" Mom asked, giving me that sarcastic tone of hers inwhich anything she says is coded with different instructions.
Like when she asks me if im going to finish my salad she is really telling me to just choke down the strawbarry and leave the table. Ofcourse knowing this, I pleasantly respond with a, "Maybe," and then she will get all quiet, and start to aggressively cut her chicken like a mad woman, pursing her lips.
Dad never says anything.

I looked down at my plate, the bush of leaves with splattered dressing on them was suppose to be my salad, and slices of chicken i refused to eat because i claim to be a vegetarion just to piss off my mother, who continues to put meat on my plate to piss me off. Then ofcourse, the watery remains of my strawbarry.


The next day I woke up to the piercing sound of my alarm. Mom put it in my room because she got sick of waking me up every morning, and to be honest- I was sick of hearing her wake me up. This is the first time i've used it. I hate it already, the rhythm of the alarm sounds exactly like mom's voice for some twisted reason. Screaming at me, and alls I want to do is keep hitting the stupid button which only silences the damn thing for 3 minutes.
I counted.

Finally dragging myself out of bed, I pulled the cord on the alarm. Sluggishly, I walked over to my dresser and put on a brown shirt, and blue jeans.
Another devastating day of highschool awaits me. I scaled the walls lazily, and pulled the strap of my school bag over my shoulder on the way to the door.
Mom shouted from the kitchen as i exited my bedroom,"GET DOWN HERE AAVERY!"
I bit my lip at the sound of her ugly voice ringing through my ears. It was doomed to haunt me for the remaining hours of the day. "I'm coming!" I called out, and decided to take my time walking down the stairs.
When I stepped in the kitchen, she turned to me and instantly folded her arms, giving me the "look." "Can't you atleast comb your hair?" she said, "wash your face, maybe?"
miserably, she walked over to me dabbing my face with a wet cloth.
"My hairs fine mom," I responded, and pushed away the cloth and flopped down on a chair to organize my books. "So your up early for once," she said, knowing fairly well that I hate when she talks to me like that, especially in the mornings when i'm most moody. "I used my alarm," I responded, with a dizzy expression.
I should have lied, because knowing that I gave her the satsifaction of using
the alarm she bought me sunk into the pit of my stomach, and tore me up inside.
"Are we out of strawbarries?" I asked, which was an obvious question, which mom also hated.
"You see the empty bowl on the table Aavery," she stated sternly, & with her back turned, "You finished them last night at dinner."
"I'm leaving," I finally said. Not being able to stand the sound of her any longer, I took my book bag by the strap and pushed passed the slider door. My body hit the the cool morning air by surprise, and I stumbled down our doorstep. A hand touched mine as I caught my ballance.
as always I didnt need to look up to Daniel's caramel-coloured eyes to know it was his warm touch. He was very attractive; Golden brown hair, which he pushed forward. He had the face of a god, with perfect proportioned features, his skin a beautiful pale, and his body slender, tall and toned.

"Good morning," I told him apathetically, and pulled my hand back ungraciously.
"Ready for class?" He asked casually to break an awkward silence after walking a bit soundlessly. He knew how I was in the mornings- and seemed to be the only one to consider it. "I brought you something," he said quickly, not giving me time to answer the first question.
"Really?" I replied, and we both halted and faced eachother. "I got it from Mum's garden," Daniel said, and started to grope his jacket pockets for the gift.




more later. Please critique what I have... It's a short novel, with no distinct plot-- its a vague storyline, but im writing this without much of an idea where im going w/ it. I know thats the wrong thing todo usually, but im enjoying it in this case.

Malone

Relatable teen angst. I'm guessing the character is gay? In the last sentence, is Aavery the one saying he got it from his Mum's garden, or Daniel? The dialogue is on the same line and this threw me off.
You probably want to rewrite this story, cutting somethings and elaborating more on others. Good voice, though. Just needs to be cleaned up.

Tsuki

Actually, the gender of the main character Aavery isnt revealed throughout the whole story. I have a reason for this, but its mostly because i enjoy destroying "male/female" stereotypes, so alls everyone needs to understand is the character is human. (But I will just tell you, shes a girl, since you are my critiquers.)
and the last line was from daniel, ill make the dialogue clearer like you suggested, thanks for the criticism. : ]

Malone

Okay, a girl. I debated that, you do hint at it with the erotic fruit eating, but when I saw your bio says "Male," I chauvinistically assumed you were writing about a boy. Maybe use a more concrete name?

Tsuki

i edited my post from before to elaborate why the name is gender debatable.. I like the idea, but i think when i finish i may or may not stick with it- its a challenge to completely hide her gender, but im going todo my best.