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Addict
Join Date: Oct 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 185
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Chapter one: In search of Identity. ( I seek opinions/critiques)
"My eyes opened and I realized I was resting on a soft bed. Baby blue blankets covered me. The birds chirpedrhythmically, and the sunlight reflectedfrom the window adjacent from the bed was hurting my eyes. I squinted as I looked upon it, but it really didn't helprelieve the pain at all. The pain felt as if I was looking directly at a flashlight. I could tell the time of day was morning. I sat up on the bed and looked around the bedroom, the walls were painted pink, the drawers and bookshelves standing opposite of the window were just as blue as the blanket that I hadjust pulled off. The room was unfamiliar to me. I wondered how I got here, but I could not recall anything that occurred before this present point, nothing at all."
I got out of bed and there was a somewhat loud clanking sound coming from the polished wooden floor. I looked down and saw a silver heart shaped pendant bonded with small silver chains. I bent over and picked up the locket. It was two and a half inches long, and it gleamed and shimmered like precious diamonds from the sunlight behind me. I turned the heart shaped locket and saw a small clasp. I opened the locket and saw a photo of a young woman on the left who seems to be wearing a purple dress robe. Nest to her on the right was a little girl, wearing similar clothing except it was pink instead of purple. Both of them had long black hair and they were smiling at each other. I glanced at the little girl again, and although the child seemed so cute, she also seemed very familiar. There was a mirror adjacent to the door in front of me, I saw my own reflection in the mirror. Then I looked at the little girl in the picture again. On the left side of the locket I saw a something printed on the silver metal. The upper left corner of the heart locket was a name that was printed “Fallen angel” and in the middle there was date carved into the locket saying
20 December 1995
The date on the locket caught my attention. I wondered why the date was even printed there. What happened on that day? Why is it so significant? I also wondered who the young woman is in the photo, and if the little girl next to her is really me. The door in front of me knocked unexpectedly. I just watched and glared at it, then seconds later the door opened. The one who knocked on the door was a young beautiful woman, wearing a white dress and I also noticed a white apron she was wearing that seemed to blend in. Her rectangle glasses were completely crooked, it looks as if it was about to fall off her face. Her face was completely dirty, and her crimson hair looked as if it were never brushed for weeks perhaps months. Her emerald eyes came into contact with mine, and said to me in a somewhat squeaky voice.
“Hello, you’re awake”
I said nothing to her and continued to glare at her.
“What’s your name?” said the woman, smiling lightly “My name is Solana Rainbek.”
Unfortunately I didn’t have an answer to that question. I felt pretty stupid not knowing my own name, so I remained silent and continued to stare at her.
“Um, you don’t talk much do you?” said Solana, seeming a little unsure of herself. “My daughter Aiyana found you in the forest out cold so we took you in our home and we kept you warm and placed you in her room. Um… Are you feeling okay?”
I nodded lightly, and whispered.
“Yes”
“I’m glad to hear it!” said Solana, smiling brightly. “Come downstairs, I made some breakfast. When you finished eating we can call your parents. How old are you by the way”
“T-Tw-Twelve” I answered a little unsure of myself.
“Oh that’s great!” Said Solana, “Aiyana is just about you age- Well, perhaps. She’ll be turning twelve in a few days, so I’m sure you two would get along just fine. Now please come downstairs for some breakfast. I’m not sure if there is any breakfast left, I didn’t expect you to be awake at this time. After breakfast we’ll call your parents, they must be worried sick about you. So we’ll just let them know that you’re okay”
Solana turned around and left. Seconds later, I got up off the floor, where I was sitting, left the room and went down the stairs. After I reached the first floor, I heard a voice calling to me.
“Hey, over here! We saved you some breakfast”
I turned to where the voice is coming from. It was Solana and another girl, scarlet hair just like Solana’s in a kitchen. I walked inside the kitchen where the girl sat at a circular wooden table that was near a corner of the kitchen.The table had a large plate with a layer of pancakes and a bottle of maple syrup. I gagged at the odor of burnt food. The sink next to me were piled with dirty dishes. There were shards of broken glass on the white tile floors. I almost stepped on them, while I was still barefoot. Solana was near an oven holding a silver metal spatula, jumping and shrieking hysterically trying to put out the flames that bloomed from the stove just a second ago. I sat at the table where the girl sat. I glared at her for a moment. The girl looked back at me and smiled.
“Oh hello,” She said quickly, “Don’t mind my Mom, she’s very clumsy when it comes to housekeeping. As you can see, she’s not always the best cook. Although she’s very clumsy and careless, she has her moments. She’s only like this when she’s stressed out. It’s very typical for adults. Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Aiyana.”
Aiyana reached out her right hand towards me.
I looked at her hand. I wondered what she made that gesture for. I continued to stare at it.
“What’s your name” She asked.
My eyes turned from her hand to her face. It’s that question again I was gnawing my bottom lip, trying hard to remember, but it was impossible. All I could do now is give Aiyana a light shrug. Aiyana frowned.
“I tried asking her the same thing,” said Solana finally finished extinguishing the flames on the stove, “but she wouldn’t tell me. She must be shy, let’s give her some time to relax a bit. Aiyana pumpkin, go to the living room and find the phone. I think it’s time we call her parents. And turn on the computer on your way back here”
Aiyana looked at her mother and nodded. She got up off her chair and left the kitchen. Now my attention is drawn to Solana. Solana smiled at me, placed some pancakes on the plate in front of me and said,
“Please eat some pancakes, they’re really tasty. I don’t want you to go hungry. I’ll give you a fork and a cup of orange juice.”
Solana handed me a silver metal fork, with four prongs and the flower design carved on the brown wooden handle. She also grasped the bottle of maple syrup and poured its sticky brown contents on the plate of pancakes. I looked down and stared at it.
“Hmm,” said Solana. “It seems that you have never tasted pancakes before,”
What do you all think? I hope you like it. How can I get better?
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