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Old 11-02-2007, 09:03 PM   #1
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duston is on a distinguished road
Sonnet ‘Drought’

This is my first piece I've put here, so I decided to put it here rather than in the poetry section to get some advice and feedback.


O muse, you have forsaken me to live
Tonight as Tantalus; I yearn to drink
The sweet, refreshing nectar of your chords,
To bathe in limpid pools of melody.
Did Mozart float by gondola to break
The stillness of Venetian water-ways?
Did Handel drink to lubricate the wild
And winding channels to his pen?
I know for fact Tchaikovsky met his end,
As well as fame, in one inspiring cup;
The rolling wide Danube to slake his thirst
And break his heart and take his life away.


Yet I sit in arid, parching pain,
And wait to irrigate the next refrain.
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Old 11-04-2007, 02:28 PM   #2
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New Moon is on a distinguished road
sounds pretty good, the rythm could use a little work though.
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Old 11-05-2007, 12:14 AM   #3
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Not bad at all I think. I'm not a fan of anything to archaic, and this one has a fairly archaic tone, but you've made it work pretty well. As New Moon said, it could use some work on the rhythm, especially since it makes so much reference to music and musicians.
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Old 11-05-2007, 11:08 AM   #4
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Thanks. What in particular about the rhythm is it that doesn't sound right?
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