Fossy

Okay, first of all I really really love the dialogue, it's very witty and engaging and funny. Second of all - in between dialogue there's a lot of narrative in that I had to re-read the dialogue above to remember what they said before. Can you understand what I'm getting at? I don't like doing that, but this is a very good piece of work regardless.

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Originally posted by Sam Winchester.
Fossy's good too. She gives good advice.

duston

It make perfect sense to me when I first read it.
I really liked it. It was very witty, and you seem to have a knack for realistic yet stylish discourse.


That sentence you didn't like, I think it would be tighter if it went like

We’re close enough for me to tell her I’ve stopped wearing underwear, but not quite close enough for me to tell her it’s because the new budget-detergent I’d used last week gave me a rash.




And actually, although someone complained that the initial situation was confusing, I personally thought it was a fantastic opening. The first sentence is abrupt and amusing, and the second sentence perfectly displays the concise and implicit nature of your prose. It was very refreshing.

Frabes

Thanks, Duston. Coincidentally, about an hour after I posted that last part, I completely scrapped the second half and ended up with something completely different. The whole story is posted in the Writer's Workshop forum, if you're interested.

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A Kind of Truth

Malone

Very quirky and funny. You're style of writing is similar to my own and I enjoy reading it. There are some wordings that could be ironed out, but every story has those. I like this.
I also read some of the stories on your site. They're great too. Keep it up.