DavidGil

I'm sorry, but I have a simple question:

Before you put this paragraph on here and the big block of text that was in a previous post, did you run it through a spellchecker? And if not, why?



I run this paragraph through Microsoft Word Dagger and I get this:

These friends together plan on to fight the dark,but their all taking on opponent that is always around them.The road ahead is deadly,and unforgiving.The hardships they will face:death,torture,physical and mental situations.This battle is not only physical,but psychological.Fragments of their own being,and memories can be oblirated or be cosumed by the darkness.

Want to know the suggested changes?

dark,but

No spelling suggestions. (this is solved by a simple press of the space bar. It won't flag afterwards.)

them.The (see above.)

deadly,and (see above)

You get the idea.

oblirated (spellcheck suggestion: obligated. Granted this is wrong, obliterated is the word you wanted. However, it was still flagged so you knew there was a possibility it was wrong.)

cosumed (spellcheck suggestion: costumed. Again it's the wrong suggestion. Consumed is what you wanted.)

A summary: I suggest reading instead of writing until you get better with grammar, if this indeed wasn't you just being lazy. I also agree with WordWeaver, pay attention in class and don't just piss around. However, I don't know what they're teaching you if you're from the UK/US and are quite smart compared to others. (your smart comment implies you are good) I take this back if you have some form of impediment however.

Mainly, I can forgive the spelling mistakes as word didn't give suggestions but I can't forgive the lack of spaces after commas and full stops. It does indeed imply a lack of care and lazyness.

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Voodoo

They're not teaching anything in your english class, if you don't know They're or Their.

Read. At this age, it'll help you far more than writing will.

Malone

Jesus, they slammed out on the criticisms, didn't they? Aside from the plethora of grammatical errors that are up to you to correct, let me say that I like your first draft of the paragraph more than the second. It grabs my attention with the threat of death (in the dark makes the idea even more interesting), and it's vague and interesting enough to get me to read on.
Work on finding your voice. You used a few words that are rather...ambitious, I guess. They brought me out of the story. At your stage of development, be down to earth and just say what you mean in plain english.
Take the criticisms being thrown out you by everyone and remember that you're a good writer. If you feel down, just read what other people write and see how much they suck. It'll make you feel better about yourself.