cindy - Writers Forum

cassie30 · 07-31-2007, 10:03 PM

closed

kenewbie · 08-01-2007, 03:55 AM

I get a distinct feeling that you haven't as much as read through this twice yourself. There is simply too much here to start pointing things out.

You need to do a serious attempt at cleaning this up yourself first.

sorry.

k

Non Serviam · 08-01-2007, 04:15 AM

I agree with Kenewbie that there are plenty of opportunities to clean this up with a simple read-through. Look for places where you need to insert punctuation, particularly commas separating phrases, apostrophes and inverted commas to turn indirect speech into direct; look for tense issues where you've warped from the past to the present and back again.

I don't think you're sure who the viewpoint character is? Pick one or two viewpoint characters and follow them, and make it clearer where you're switching, maybe by adding a blank line at each viewpoint switch.

sylvia.cheers · 08-01-2007, 01:02 PM

I'm sorry, is this by any chance another version of "Flowers in the Attic"?

The stories are far, far, FAAAAR, too similar for comfort, down to the brother, sister, twins, and their ages!!!

Is this a wind-up?

I have some reading suggestions for you, cassie30.

The first one is:

Flowers in the Attic - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

(though I hardly think your mind will need refreshing re: this story)

The next one is:

Plagiarism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Now THIS might be something you haven't read before...

Sylvia

cassie30 · 08-01-2007, 08:30 PM

the story is inspired by the flowers in the attic. but i can see why you think i was plagerizing it is very similar to flowers in the attic but it's not flowers in the attic.

sylvia.cheers · 08-02-2007, 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cassie30

the story is inspired by the flowers in the attic. but i can see why you think i was plagerizing it is very similar to flowers in the attic but it's not flowers in the attic.

Cassie,
I'm sorry, but it was far too much. Same number of children, same gender, same ages, boy and girl twins! You didn't even change the older boy's name: Christopher. Oh, and they are all blonde haired and blue eyed, just as in the story.

What else? The father dies, and the mother takes her children to her grandmother, and is immediately flogged. This is the very first thing that happened in the book too. Then they all get put in a room, and the grandmother starts going on about modesty and stuff. Happens in the book. Children get to stay in the room for ages, mother brings them presents. Happens in the book (though I will admit perhaps the exact presents she gives them were different, I can't remember). Then the boy and girl look after the twins and start to feel attracted towards each other. Yep, happens in the book.

C'mon, you can't be serious about this being anything other than a terrible rendition of the very same story...

I'm sorry but since you didn't even mention this story being based on anything else (let alone blatantly stolen, save (some) name changes), I don't feel I can take anything you post seriously.

Sylvia

biggles · 08-02-2007, 07:09 AM

There's an old b&w movie about kids kept in the attic slowly poisoned by their grandmother- I can't think of the name but this reminds me of it.
Are you writing a script or a story? Because it seems like it is wavering between both at this stage.

Oh sorry- yes - flowers in the attic. Well you can't do that can you?
Nothing suggests it's any different.

Loulou · 08-02-2007, 11:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cassie30

the story is inspired by the flowers in the attic. but i can see why you think i was plagerizing it is very similar to flowers in the attic but it's not flowers in the attic.

This is a complete Flowers In The Attic rip off. I read it when I was about 12 but I remember it well. It's completely the same story. Mothers hubby dies in car crash, four kids, a boy, a girl and twins, all go and live with a grandmother and are banished to the loft or else the mother is disinherited. There are the picnic baskets and the incestouos relationship. The names are even the same! If you're going to rip off a story at least disguise it.