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Old 06-20-2007, 01:48 PM   #1
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Red Valkyrie & Winter Wolf (the first summary of the full story)

I've been working on this for quite some time, and think I've got a decent story now. Please let me know what you think. This is the first time I write down the full story, so it will most likely change a bit here and there. Let me know what you think, please!


Basically, there's a woman named Chloe Simpson. She's caucasion, twentynine, single, a bit shorter than the rest (not much, just a bit) and lives in a big city. She have had five jobs the last five years, and she risk loosing the current one as well. (it's not important, just describing her character). Her mother always whine about the lack of grandkids, Chloe's sister being "the older one" with a great family, great job and the whole thing. Naturally, Chloe doesn't think she can get much lower than she is.

Ironically, that is exactly what happens when she gets robbed in a gas station, and decide to go for a walk in some fields just outside the city. She accidentally fall into a hidden well with no way out, and for hours, hope seems lost. No one can hear her, and she starts to get cold. In desperation, she thinks that if she can't go up, she has to go down. She dives under the water and sees a bright light in the distance. This leads to a small cave, which again leads to a secret room full of various gadgets you wouldn't be surprised to find in a Batman story. There's even several superhero costumes there, and a room than can best be described as a headquarter. There are several computers there, as well as a globe over the world, maps, security monitors and you name it. And fortunately, it doesn't look like anyone have used this place in years. Even better, the cave is directly under an old, abandoned farm house, so there are no neighbours around for several kilometers. Chloe borrows one of the superhero costumes to get out of her wet clothes, and takes the bus back home. (trying to disguise the costume as best as possible, of course).

The next day, she returns with the costume and decide to take a better look at the place. Several of the gadgets seem a bit too high-tech for her, but some could be very useable... for the right person. An idea pops up into her head, and she start to think. She has always been the "younger sister" with no boyfriend, no career and only a small apartment that even burst into flame a few years ago. (it was torched, but she luckily wasn't home at the time). Her bosses have always given her crap, and she even got herself robbed. These gadgets... could mean payback. Note that she isn't evil or anything, and really doesn't like violence at all. But she has tried the "proper" life for almost thirty years, and she has gotten nothing in return. Someone has to pay, and she know exactly where to start. The people who robbed the gas station.

It's not quite that simple, of course. She knows what the people look like, but not their names, where they live, even how many they are. But she doesn't care, all she want is the leader. But how to find them? Well, she know where the gas station is, so she can assume they live (or at least operate) nearby. A gas station isn't the hardest thing to rob, so chances are they are too few or too weak to rob a bank or something like that. And if they rob something, chances are they will strike again. With this in mind, she decide to hide on the rooftops nearby at night (the gas station was robbed at night, after all) and keep an eye on the various low-security stores nearby. (note: remember the high-tech gadgets, like nightvision, enchanted vision etc). The two first nights, nothing happens. The third night... a black van pulls up in front of another gas station, and a familiar person shows up. She doubts he's the leader, but she definitely recognize him from the first gas station.

She know they might possibly be armed, and she counts five people entering the gas station. This matches the number from last time. How to stop them? Simple. First, she calls in an anonymous tip to the police, warning them about the robbery. The alarm is most likely set off, but it's best to be sure, right?
Next, she climbs down to street level again and picks up a small Duracell rabbit (they keep going, and going, and going... You know.). She carefully opens the door to the gas station and unleashes the rabbit. It walks towards the robbers, constantly saying "It keeps going! And going! And going!", completely throwing the robbers off guard. Finally, she throws in what she believes is a smoke grenade. Turns out it's a stun grenade, which works even better. Case closed... mostly. Three of the five from the gas station are here, including the leader. Chloe tries to make him talk, but unfortunately he snaps too it and punches her in the face. She goes down, he leaves and the cops arrive. The next thing she knows is she's arrested (she's an armed maniac with a costume in a gas station that's being robbed. Liiiittle bit suspicious.)

One thing lead to another, and before she know it, Chloe finds herself in a mental institution for the criminally insane. Not a very happy ending for her career, but they can't all be heroes.

Of course, that's only part of it. Part 1, to be precise. Part 2 starts with a woman named Jessica (working on that part, but it's less important now).She's also caucasian, thirtythree and normally built. She reads the paper as she always does when she notice a small, ignicificant article around halfway through the paper. Most people would ignore it, or just read through it for a laugh. She, on the other hand, doesn't think it's funny at all. The article is about a robbery in a gas station a few nights before commited by a woman dressed up in a weird superhero costume, armed with a katana and a duracell bunny. Putting two and two together, she realize the woman must know something about the strange cave she discovered about two years earlier. But how much does she know? And is she willing to tell?

Finding out turns out to be quite a bit harder than she like, when it turns out the woman is locked up in an asylum for the criminally insane and isn't allowed any visitors. Even family isn't allowed there, and Jessica doesn't even know her name. Getting her out could mean she once again has to put on her costume and become WinterWolf. But is it a good idea? This woman robbed a gas station, so she clearly isn't one of the good guys. Being armed with a sword and wearing a costume like that, releasing her could be the worst thing Jessica could do. But on the other hand, she is suddenly much closer to a solution to the puzzle she's been thinking about for the last two years. After some thought, she decide to do it.

(the next part involve getting, you guessed it, Chloe out of the asylum, so a summary would just be boring.)

After breaking out of the asylum, Chloe is wanted by the police both as Chloe Simpson and as the costumed person she used to be. She has to disappear, and quickly. Winterwolf (Jessica) takes her back to the cave under the old farmhouse, and the two of them together finds a costume and name Chloe can use. Thus Chloe Simpson dies, Red Valkyrie is born. Problem is she can't stay hidden forever, so they need to clear her name. The only way they can do that is to discover who built the cave, why they built it and more importantly, why they abandoned it in perfect shape. It hadn't been used for at least five years when Jessica found it, and even then it was in great shape. There wasn't as much as a rotten apple on the desk.

Part 3. Jessica tells Chloe all she knows, which isn't much. They check through the files in the headquarters, but most of them are just useless right now. Some blueprints for the gadgets, costumes and things like that, but nothing that will get them any closer to who built the place.
Then Chloe gets an idea. Maybe they can't find out who built the cave, but what about the house above it? They check with the government, and actually score a hit. A name of an old man comes up. He unfortunately died several months ago, but he did leave an adress at a retirement home. Of course, being dead and all, there's not much he can say, and it's not like the nurses want to say anything. However, they still have their gadgets. The retirement home isn't exactly well guarded, so it's easy to sneak in there at night. The trick is to get into the office and check the archive for the old man's file. They manage to solve it by Chloe pretending to be a robber (she's already wanted by the cops, after all), and she gets three nurses coming after her. Jessica in the mean time sneaks into the office and checks through the archives, and discover that the man had a son living in the city.

Chloe and Jessica pay him a visit at night in their costumes, taking him by surprise when he gets ready for bed. His wife and three kids are already sleeping, so Chloe and Jessica doesn't have to try hard to persuade him to be silent.

It turns out he does know something about a secret room, and what's more, there are several of them around. They were used by a private company making high-tech gadgets to the military. Only a very few people know about the rooms, and the files are stored in a secure place in Pentagon. It would take a very high clearance level to access them, and as the company who owned them went bankrupt almost eighteen years earlier (min 90's), no one cares about them any more. Now that Chloe and Jessica have closed the well, it's not likely anyone will ever discover Chloe and Jessica's headquarter. Even the guy doesn't know where it is, all he knows is that there are several of them spread around.

Happy with their answer, they let him go, vanish into the night and completely forget to ask him to clear Chloe's name. But they can't all be heroes.
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Old 06-23-2007, 01:22 AM   #2
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Read your summary and I can tell you put a lot of thought into it. It's just my opinion, but I think that the story lacks some of the drama and imminent danger that superhero stories have. There's no major villain or threat that would drive Chloe to suit up and I don't think that the built up stresses of everyday life are enough to make someone do something so extreme. Also I think that Jessica needs a stronger motivation to break Chloe out the the asylum other than hoping Chloe can shed some light on the cave. Jessica hasn't been the Winterwolf for years, so she must have stopped for a reason. Something major should push her back to it. Also I'm not clear why Chloe and Jessica believe that finding out who's behind the caves will clear Chloe's name. What would he or she do exactly to prove to the police or the asylum that Chloe wasn't using the stuff to rob the store? Just my 2 cents.
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Old 06-23-2007, 01:37 AM   #3
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There seems to be actually no point whatsoever in Chloe being arrested and not going free. The clerk? The video camera? If you really have to, have the clerk killed and the video tape destroyed.
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Old 06-23-2007, 04:22 AM   #4
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Thanks for the tip. This is just the summary, so there are a lot of details I don't mention here as I don't think it's necessary. Chloe got arrested since she's armed (not legal), disguised (obvious robber), everyone said she is the robber and so on. The videocamera? Probably didn't work, or the original robbers disabled it. Please don't get stuck on small details like that.

As for why Chloe and Jessica became superheroes are less obvious here, but there's a reason for that as well. I just don't think there's much point going on and on and on about how fed up Chloe is with everything before finally taking revenge. There's also far more to Jessica's backstory explaining why she quit as WinterWolf and why she started again.

As for clearing Chloe's name, that's simply some blackmailing, threats and things like that. If the guy knows something that can clear her name, she'll do whatever it takes to make him tell the public. If it includes killing him... then so be it.

Finally, lack of supervillains? Logically, as this isn't a superhero story. Think of it more like a story with normal people with normal problems who just happens to find high-tech gadgets and decide to use them so solve a mystery. Jessica did quit being Winter Wolf, so clearly she isn't much of a superhero type. Chloe on her side is more of a vigilante, kinda like The Punisher. Not quite as violent, but more Punisher than Spider-Man.

Again, thanks. I'll work some more on this, then just as well write it.
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