please review, want to publish - Page 2 - Writers Forum

Gorthaur · 06-19-2007, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lin

Do you really think so?

I think sometimes that's the only way some things can be said. I really doubt someone like T.S. Eliot would've written 'The Waste Land' the way he did if he didn't think it was necessary. He didn't have to write it to be understood by everyone, and it's brilliant as it is.

graceful truth · 06-20-2007, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lin

This is an example of "pretentious" Are you pretending that everybody reads latin? actually the translation is in the following line...Let the play begin!

This is pompous, overwritten, obscure and the first line doesn't even make any sense. Conflation, like confluence, indicates more like "into" yes the past live does fuse into not with. But choosing this obscure word instead of meld or fuse or something is what they're talking about....smugness.no it was not...gosh, this Forum seems to hate big words! laugh...no it is how I felt overwhelmed with the concepts of God, reincarnation...and all of that "big pompous" stuff...It was intentional...not out of smugness or to parade my "intelligencwe" (which is in fact not too big) it was jsut right for the feeling of the poem. I the audience that would not be annoyed with this poem is not here, but that is okay....it is just what it is. I am taking in all of the input and will edit, and maybe write a more digestable version just to play with that idea...but the basic for what I felt is within the original. It is really interesting to read all of the responses.
The second line doesn't make any sense either, actually,

I guess your big question is "Who is this written for" Whoever you have in mind, I don't think you've found them.

I was not looking to please anyone's taste, just looking for critique for the poem as the type of poem it is...abstract.

thanks for the time given....

lin · 06-20-2007, 10:52 PM

What he said.

graceful truth · 06-21-2007, 01:42 AM

[quote=WordWeaver]You received the critique you were looking for. The moment you have to explain your poem to people is the moment it has FAILED. Yes true I did receive the critique I was looking for, and I do not think a poem fails because you have to explain it. Explanation just does not follow literary tradition, but this is Forum,t hus I broke tradition also I started a debate in the wrong area..this should go to the debate section. Nonetheless in this section one also learns (one being me for example) to take criticism and one (meaning all of those who react emotionally) should learn how to give it.

then perhaps maybe it just boils down to your concept of, oh, what was it? Ah, yes... "Point of View." laugh...now I did like your sarcastic tone....very clever! and I hope that I have the good sense (of humour) not to take it to heart. very good Ww. "here to teach and learn myself!"

graceful truth · 06-21-2007, 09:36 AM

ww read what I said..if you want then you are free to go to that section.

graceful truth · 06-21-2007, 09:37 AM

wow.. WW this is the wrong place for your emotional outburst.

Loulou · 06-21-2007, 11:46 AM

I'm one of those half-wits that usually has to have poetry explained to me, at least the literary type. However I can usually grasp the gist of a thing. And therefore even the most complex literary poem might make me feel something. I don't really understand your poem graceful truth. Could you explain it? I almost feel unfair for disliking it just because I don't understand it and because it makes me feel nothing but I guess, as some said here already, if a thing has to be explained it loses its power.

lin · 06-21-2007, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Could you explain it?

Ay,ay,ay! Stand back

MEShammas · 06-21-2007, 03:29 PM

Ah comeon guys you are all being too harsh

.

I really think it is written great, but your idea (though not bad) might be too abstract. It seems that this is a bundle of ideas that, instead of working together towards a common goal, differ each other almost.

Either way, your writing is good, but the poem's idea could be improved.

Good luck!

And yes, like LouLou said, please explain the poem and we could give suggestions as how to convey it better.

Thanks!

MEShammas · 06-21-2007, 03:30 PM

Ah comeon guys you are all being too harsh

.

I really think it is written great, but your idea (though not bad) might be too abstract. It seems that this is a bundle of ideas that, instead of working together towards a common goal, differ each other almost.

Either way, your writing is good, but the poem's idea could be improved.

Good luck!

And yes, like LouLou said, please explain the poem and we could give suggestions as how to convey it better.

Thanks!

Azmakna · 06-21-2007, 04:14 PM

agreed! i don't understand Shakespeare... guess he sucks...

Konignacht · 06-21-2007, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azmakna

agreed! i don't understand Shakespeare... guess he sucks...

So just because you don't understand Shakespeare his work has no impact upon you?

Azmakna · 06-21-2007, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Konignacht

So just because you don't understand Shakespeare his work has no impact upon you?

actually i was kinda saying the opposite

Konignacht · 06-21-2007, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azmakna

actually i was kinda saying the opposite

My point exactly - and the point of several people who have posted, I believe.

I was attempting to throw into contrast the fact that - whereas master's can effect you with their work, even if you don't understand it - several people have claimed that, not only do they not understand the poem, but it does nothing for them.

So much for subtlety.

Azmakna · 06-21-2007, 04:34 PM

i was thinking the same thing when you posted lol... crossed lines. i just want to read the revised version