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Old 06-15-2007, 10:46 PM   #1
Doe
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Thumbs up feel like reading?

Hello everyone, I'm not seeking advice, assistance, or critques and all that stuff that comes with an infomercial. Just a really dumb frustrated 17 year old kid who had nothing better to do but spend a boring evening writing. Why you say i write when I could be doing other things? Well I was studying for this test because its the most important test of my life and is my last hope to attend college. I was frustrated stopped reading, and looked back at why I was doing this and why am I in the situation that I'm in. so I began to write. Something that I don't have a knack for. Now here it is, just read it and it doesn't matter if you like it or not. (excuse for the grammer and syntax, just wrote without correcting).


“Call me Ishmael,” hmm, or the Dickens’s line “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.” I probably will never write a sentence that graces the halls of literature, so I might as well construct one that suits me. “My name is_____________ and this is my story”.

I was born in the 3rd world, poverty-stricken country of India; the great frontier of doctors. Yep you’ve guessed it, both my parents are doctors what a surprise... I was the youngest of two, and an ugly critter. I was like a baby with the head of reptile. Hey! At least it drew attention. I turned one later that year, and was ready to take on anything, and rule the world like Attila the Hun, except the killing part; However, India’s habitat was unsettling for an inquisitive mind to grow and nurture, mainly because of the scarce possibilities of a promising future. Opportunity was truly a nonexistent trait that was exhibited by the rapid influx of engineers, doctors. Either you are one or not, and if your not, then you’ll roam the streets as a paper boy, or carry around passengers in the sharp splintered roads of the congested cities, with your soaking bare-feet. “I’m not saying engineers are the weak minded, but rather they are the weak minded towards the conformities of the traditional upbringings of there households.” “What happened to the other possibilities of the world?” One cannot live alone on computers or prescribing medication, Anyways back to my story, from India I moved to the kilt infested world of Scotland. Now Edinburgh was a complete face lift from the abnormalities of Asia. One could consider it an aristocratic urban jungle. The Victorian cities were paved with pearl inlays and the sun’s rays cascade across the majestic golden constructs of the 16th century architecture. The rivers were teaming with marine life, and the people would happily nestle there smiles as you would pass by. Now take a minute and pause, for a second you probably believed all this rubbish, but overall I’d say it was a decent place to live. If not, it was probably the best. At least happiness was still thriving within me; we’ll talk about what happened to my happiness later on. I was mostly a happy kid, I would play on the playground, watch TV, and play with toys, basically all the necessities of an adolescent. There was a problem; I was already two, and I should’ve been reading Shakespeare. I was wondering when my genius was gonna kick in. “I guess maybe after the 5th season of Sesame Street.” I loved the show, and its hidden agenda, packed many clandestine allegories that would make the strictest fundamentalist write a petition. “Big Bird” was showcasing obesity, Oscar the Grouch was promoting illiteracy and indolent ideals by residing in a trash can, and the Cookie Monster was an addiction gone wrong No wonder society is functioning as it is, but who cares I love cookies. Now from Scotland I moved to the “Windy City” the beginning of life in another dimension, time,world, place, and maybe I could call this one “home”.
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Old 06-16-2007, 12:58 PM   #2
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Wow...Pretty interesting, actually. You say you were just writing? Well, I think it's great!

Did you really grow up in scotland? Or was that whole thing just a story?
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Old 06-16-2007, 02:10 PM   #3
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don't post in the critique section if you don't want it. A bit of advice, at least throw in some paragraphs.
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Old 06-16-2007, 04:04 PM   #4
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Your piece had different voices throughout. I get the feeling you're desperately looking for it. That's not a bad thing. It takes a lot of experimenting to find it. You really need to break this up into sections. It drags down the readers attention and doesn't allow the ideas to sink in. I do think that you need to get rid of the casual voice. I was never a fan of it. But if that's what you like then go with it. Just my opinion.
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