long gone

I Must have been around 14 or 15 when I started looking at things that I was good at. I always knew I was a special kid. My parents might have not seen it, but I had a lot of talent. I was always good at everything yet not extraordinary at anything. I was really into guitar, but the fact that millions of people and hundreds of 3 year-olds were better than me kind of discouraged me. Art, poetry, soccer, basketball, running, and even being smart were all ideas flushed down the toilet sooner or later. I had never really looked into writing because, with the life I was living, nothing could compare to my actual life. So I guess I decided writing wouldn’t be so bad as soon as I opened my eyes up to reality.

My sophomore year in high school has been pretty much been erased from my memory. I really can’t recall anything about it except for a picture I have on my phone. It is a picture of me giving the fakest smile you could ever force yourself to make. It might have not been fake at the time, but I could tell by the look in my eyes that I wasn’t happy. For over a year I was numb. Numb to everything around me and all the changes occurring in my life. Anxiety overtook my life and the fear for tomorrow grew as I woke each morning. I don’t have to dig too hard to find out exactly what the waterfall point in my life was. June 6, 1996. The summer after Casey had moved and everyone and everything just died for me. It wasn’t that I wasn’t cool enough for them, but it was that everything I had at that time seemed almost repetitive, and it all just seemed like one huge annoyance to me. That summer I was introduced to a psychedelic drug called “Angel’s Wing”. I don’t know how it got its name, but whoever named it must have been a genius. Took me higher than I thought and the name sounded like the stairway to where I needed to be. Robert Plant must have been in the same situation as myself. I don’t recall the exact details of me taking this for the first time, but I do know for a fact that it gave me a one year high. Well, I wouldn’t go as far as even calling it a “high” mostly because high usually has to do with happiness. And happiness did not touch my hand one bit that year.



** i have not checked for spelling or grammar errors yet. Critique on my writing and it's obviously not done **

Azmakna

i haven't got time to go through this now, but what i will say is by flipping the first two sentences, it makes it more intriguing

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zackmcqueen

' all ideas flushed down the toilet sooner or later'

Call me picky, but i think that this is a bit of a naff expression...Im sure you can find something a little less cliched sounding.

The second paragraph is a bit jumpy in parts too. But if, as you imply, the the sophomore year was a haze, then perhaps that is your intention to reflect it in the writing with hazy structure?

Other than that, well..if the story is about a special kid, then your options are open to let your imagination run wild...

mlrmusic08

I have said this to a few other writers, and I too have to watch my own writing for this is DJTSU!!! (dont' just tell us show us!)

You went I am really talented, and then you list different things.

Possibly be like My parents never noticed me kicking the winning goal in soccer, or my artwork hanging on the walls in the gallery. it gives more of a visual idea.

Also your first paragraph should be alittle more catch instead of I was 14 type of thing.

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Famous Quotes by my teacher.

"Writing Is Rewriting"

"DJTUSU" (dont' just tell us show us)

"Stretch Your Brain"

spider8

I really liked this. After reading the following comments I find I do agree with them. But I mustn't allow them to make me think it wasn't good because it was. Make sure that, if you follow the advice, that you really do think it improves things. It may well do, for you and the others, but it might not for me. '...Flushing down the toilet...' was okay- what I mean by that, is that it didn't break the spell for me as a reader. I don't see the need for going into details about the talents but this would depend on the pace you want for your opening. The only problems I have with this is the narrator saying he/she was a special kid and then not seeing anything afterwards to make me think he/her special. I didn't know what sophomore meant so I just looked it up in the dictionary and now I know it's because I'm british. Also, although I know who Robert Plant is, I do sometimes find it annoying when, as a reader, the author speaks about obscure musicians/poets/foreign films etc., that I have never heard of, so if you do this kind of thing you'll have to be careful. But apart from these nitpicks, it was great.

snorrie

The voice is really casual. If that's what want then you've succeeded. It could also use a good editing. I know you said you haven't gone through it yet but I found the piece to be wordy. Simplfy everything. Get your point across with the least amount of words. Wordiness is the enemy of the writer. It will bore the reader. I think the first paragraph was stronger than the second. The second didn't seem as focused. Maybe break the piece up into smaller paragraphs. I know that everything has been touched upon but this just seems like the typical teenage trying to find his place in the world. Try to make it stand out from the rest of those lost teenagers. Add your own special touch. Good luck. Keep writing.