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Critique and Advice Works seeking critique, advice or assistance.

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Old 05-16-2007, 06:10 AM   #16
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sheffield, England
Gender: Male
Posts: 20
Powderedtoastman is on a distinguished road
Chapter 10. (this is a partial chapter)


Mmmmmm I think I'm in hea...”
SPLASH!” Keitaro fell over the stern, and into the water below.
Oh my god! Keitaro are you...?”
Just then, a rather wet Keitaro surfaced, and Megumi burst into fits of laughter.
Oh god, I'm sorry, its just you look so, well, funny!” Megumi tried to control her laughter, but it was no use, he just looked like a kitten that had been left out in the rain; all pathetic looking and wanting sympathy.
Aww come here Keitaro, want me to kiss it all better? Ahahaha!” She grabbed his hand and tried to help him back in the boat, but he pulled her into the water instead.
Not so funny now is it Miss Akechi?” He was laughing himself now, hoping it would make her feel bad, but instead, she just smiled.
Well Keitaro... you've got me all wet now...” She said in a sultry voice, purely to tease.
Muaaaaaaahhhhh! MEGUMI! Oh my god! You're just...wrong!”
Ahahaha I knew that would get you going!” she fell about laughing again.
Keitaro climbed back into the boat, and helped Megumi in too.
Well, I guess we'd better get back to the boat house now, not much fun staying out in wet clothes.” Keitaro tried to hide the sound of disappointment in his voice.
Tell you what Keitaro, to cheer you up, you can come over to mine, and we'll have fun there!”


I've put into chapters for ease to myself, but figure i could alter this round to get a better layout. As i said before, I would like this to become a manga, so that is the style i'm going for.

Thank you!!!!
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