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| Critique and Advice Works seeking critique, advice or assistance. |
05-08-2007, 11:25 AM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Malaysia
Gender: Female
Posts: 243
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Can't find a word to fit...
I'm looking for a word that conveys this character's feeling of hopelessness, despair, sadness:
Quote:
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She was sitting forlornly on the ground, head buried in her arms, crying so helplessly and .......... that his heart broke just looking at her.
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I've used despair in the previous sentence so I don't want to use that word again. It's the kind of crying that makes your heart ache just to see it...because it shows how miserable that person is. |
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05-08-2007, 12:35 PM
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#2
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: H-town, dawg! (in other words, Houston area, Texas)
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,248
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misery, desolation, hopelessness.
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05-08-2007, 12:55 PM
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#3
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Scribe
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Hollywood Florida
Gender: Male
Posts: 64
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I think that sentence is better without another word. Just use helplessly to express it. Just my opinion.
__________________
'Think of all the things we put him through,
in the face of his god would he tell the truth?'
'Don't let them fall if your grip's not strong'
'Did you ever really know before my mind scared to think?'
'Casting quarters into wells that hold our dreams
You won't believe me... I wouldn't if you told me so'
'Now you wanna kill me in the act of what could maybe, save us from sleep and what we are'
Various Coheed Lyrics
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05-08-2007, 01:43 PM
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#4
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Addict
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 123
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She was sitting forlornly on the ground, head buried in her arms, crying so helplessly and .......... that his heart broke just looking at her.
try sobbed or sobbing it generates more feelings than crying.
She hid her face as her body trembled beyond help from the pent up tears that burst forth as she sat sobbing on the ground.
try to stay away from words that end in ly. hope this helps.
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05-08-2007, 02:52 PM
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#5
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Sep 2004
Gender: Private
Posts: 1,748
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Quote:
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She was sitting on the ground with her head buried in her arms, crying like a freshly orphaned child.
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Cheers,
Rob |
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05-08-2007, 05:29 PM
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#6
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Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Scotland
Gender: Female
Posts: 19
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Empty
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05-09-2007, 12:30 PM
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#7
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Columbus, Ohio, The United States of America
Gender: Male
Posts: 439
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I think you already have your word, you just need to rearrange things.
She was sitting on the ground, head buried in her arms, crying, so forlorn and helpless that his heart broke just looking at her.
Cheers!
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05-09-2007, 07:45 PM
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#8
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back 'home' on Tinian!
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,445
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She was sitting forlornly on the ground, head buried in her arms, sobbing so helplessly, that his heart broke just looking at her.
K.I.S.S.!
__________________
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"You must BE the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi
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