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Old 04-17-2007, 05:02 PM   #1
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The Dance of Time (very short)

Writing and I are hopelessly entwined
in a dance of dark creation and time.
Forever do we dance
in the dark chasms of my mind.
For we tell the the story of how it all began
We tell the story of the end.
We tell the story of truths and lies.
We tell the story of the wretched and the wise.
But what is foremost and what is prime,
is that we dance away the story of time.

---

Any comments? I just wrote this in the spur of the moment.
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Old 04-17-2007, 07:43 PM   #2
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Its just a short poem =]
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Old 04-18-2007, 03:58 PM   #3
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And also, could you help me with the ending? I don't like the way I wrote it very much.
Thanks =]
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Old 04-18-2007, 04:01 PM   #4
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It is okay, like you said a fun short poem. Maybe the last line could be, instead of "is that we dance away the story of time."..."that I am his, and he is mine." Kind of a twist, and makes it more like a relationship between man and woman, just like so many relationships are compared to.
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Old 04-18-2007, 08:13 PM   #5
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Thanks! That really helps.
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