Here is a story I have been putzing around with. In all honesty, I know my writing needs work! I know I have improved, but I need to be critiqued by someone other then my friends and such to try to improve on a better level. I can take critisism, just please don't be rude. I am insecure about my writing, but the only way I can improve is by placing it up for critique. Um, minor gore/horror, just warning those who don't like to read that kind of stuff. I really need the help of those more experienced w/ writing, so any input would be very much appreciated! Also, what is the word limit for a reasonable post? this is aprox 1,500 words, if that is too much at once, just let me know. MANY THANX for those who make it through or even just read a little to try to help me out.
*edit* I took out the large chunck if itlicized text- it bothered me andprolly was not needed. It'll be easier on your eyes I bet.
Intro-
The warm water felt refreshing against my skin as I relaxed in the hot spring pool. The soothing atmosphere calmed my nerves and was a welcomed break form my daily routines. This was my ideal way to spend a lazy afternoon, and I was not alone in my thinking. Several of my peers joined me in this spacious cavern of heated pools, but I had come here upon Vonya’s request.
I watched my wife as she unpacked a hand woven basket full of pawpaw fruit and blackcap berry wine. She poured two cups of the dark wine, and fixed a plate of the sliced fruit, then set them on the edge of the pool. I watched as she entered the pool, the water engulfed her body and accented her curves as she lowered herself in. I knew she caught my wondering eyes when our eyes locked, but she gave me a playful smile. She tucked her auburn hair behind her ears, and gingerly handed me my glass.
“So what is the occasion?” I asked. The sweet wine tasted good, perfectly aged.
“I have some great news to tell you,” Vonya said. She picked up a piece of fruit and took a bite. “This is good, try some.”
Before I could answer, she had placed the slice of pawpaw fruit between my lips, and the creamy taste filled my mouth. “Tasty. Now, what about this great news?” I asked, and saw her trying to hide a smile. “Are you playing with me?”
“I have known for a couple of days now,” She said. “But I was waiting for the perfect time to tell you.” She bit her lower lip in her excitement. “I am pregnant.”
I nearly squirted wine out my nose at her announcement. “You are?” I asked, my eyes wide with surprise. She shook her head yes and saw she could no longer hide her excitement. “That is great!” I immediately opened my arms and welcomed her into an embrace. I had been ready to start a family for a while now, and today my wishes were coming true.
“I knew you would be happy, and I just wanted the occasion to be special,” She spoke gently in my ear. “You are finally going to be a dad.”
I could feel the tears of joy building in my eyes as I looked at my beautiful wife. “I’ll defiantly remember this day,” I said. I gently cupped her chin and kissed her warm lips. I felt her arms tighten around my neck as she kissed me back. I felt her hands run through my hair, and I was completely happy with the way my life was unfolding.
She broke the embrace, but her look of joy soon turned to fear. I heard her scream pierce through the silence and she clumsily backed off my lap. I asked her what was wrong, but I had no time to wait for a response. I soon heard the screams of others, and I quickly turned around. The sight I saw made my stomach turn.
I saw the shadow of my enemy lurking from the eastern tunnels, and before I knew it, the dragons ambushed us. Their teeth snarled as these dragons sprang out of the darkness and from the rocks above. Some of the victims did not even see them coming; they had their throats ripped open just as the attack had begun. With each passing second, more of these vicious dragons filled the once peaceful cavern.
“Vonya,” I shouted. “Come on. We must retreat.” I grabbed her hand and led her back to the tunnel to the west. Several of my friends tried to put up a fight, but their attempts were barely worth it. The dragons overpowered them with ease, swiping away their weapons to make the kill. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my childhood friend, Cavan, fighting a blue-haired dragon, but he lost the fight as the monster impaled its tail deep within his chest. At least these brave warriors bought us some time to flee.
There was no way to win this battle; these dragons were too powerful for my people. They greatly outnumbered us in this full-scale attack. Every time I looked around, I saw my people being ripped apart or their stomachs gutted open. They pulled the flesh off the victims bones and cracked open their skulls. These beasts were eating them alive.
I did not want to end up like the others. I did not want my wife and my unborn child to be the next meal. With a quick pull, I lead my wife in front of me. “Head for the tunnel,” I shouted. “It’s our only chance.” I knew the odds were against us, but if we made it to the tunnel, we may be able to loose the attackers in the maze of corridors. With a bit of luck, the enemy would lose interest.
I saw my peers encouraging us to hurry. The mouth of the tunnel was in sight but I could hear the screams of those eaten alive and the growls of the dragons picking them off right behind me. If I do not reach the tunnel soon, I will be next. Suddenly I saw Vonya yanked from my sight. A grey-haired dragon had caught her and she screamed as the creature clasped his jaws around her neck. In a flash, I saw the attacker rip open my wife's throat. Her scream gurgled as blood ran down and stained her clothes. The next thing I know, this dragon set his hungry gaze on me; its teeth bared and growls escaped its throat.
Dakota woke in a panic. His face beaded in sweat and his blankets knotted around him. No matter how much time had passed, that horrific scene was clear in his memory. Dakota rose out of his bed and headed out to the common room. Staying in bed was pointless; there was no way sleep would return to him tonight. He walked out of his bedroom and saw a light was still glowing. His friend had not gone to bed even though tomorrow was a big day.
“What are you doing up still?” Dakota asked.
“Unable to sleep,” Matt replied and he offered Dakota a drink. “Too nervous.”
“Same here,” Dakota took a seat next to his friend and rubbed his eyes.
“Are you sure about this plan?”
Dakota shrugged. “I am not sure about anything, other then the fact we have to do something. It’s only a matter of time before the rest of our water gets polluted or dries up.”
“But do you think contacting these dragons is the solution?” Matt asked. “I mean, do you think they really care? What will happen when I go down to the Far East tunnel tomorrow and am seen? These monsters kill on sight.”
Dakota closed his eyes as he agonized over the plan to contact the dragon creatures to form a peace treaty. He listened to his friends concerns, but did not know what to tell him. “No one likes the idea of having to meet with our enemies. I don’t like it, nor did the council. However, none of us wants to die from dehydration, and our water supply is dwindling. The lakes are either drying up or becoming polluted. It’s only a matter of time before the water is undrinkable.”
“But isn’t there another way?” Matt asked.
“I wish there was,” Dakota said. “But when the crash tunnel caved in, we lost contact with the outside world. We have no means of finding another water supply down in these tunnels. We’ve searched, and found nothing.”
“I can’t help but to feel as if I am walking into my death tomorrow,” Matt said. He rested back in his chair and pushed the food around on his plate.
“We have to try something,” Dakota said. “If we don’t try, we’ll have no hopes at surviving. We will just die out. And I just can’t let us die without trying something, even if the only solution is confronting our enemy. After all, they are moving into our land from the looks of it. Who’s to say they won’t make their way up to our main establishment here? I’d rather try to make contact with them now before they invade our home. At least this way we stand a better chance.”
“Do you think it will work?”
“I hope so,” Dakota said. “We can only hope for things to go in our favor. We have no other choice.” Dakota could see that his friend was scared by the way he was fidgeting. “I don’t like burdening you with this task of going back down into the tunnel where these dragons recently took up post, but for the survival of our species, it must be done. You are the only person who knows exactly where they are. I trust you. I know you will do what is best, and that is all I can ask for.”
( not completed )
