are zoos good for animals??????? - Writers Forum

cooldudemanus · 04-16-2007, 02:59 PM

here it is

please give honest feedback

A flamingo slowly approaches a crisp, wet oasis lying in the

desert. As he puts his head down ,for what is to be his last soothing

drink in his natural environment, he is shot with a sleeping-dart.

When he wakes up, he realizes that he is not in the oasis at which he

had started at. He was in an unfamiliar, yet easy to get used to,

environment. He would no longer have to worry about things

necessary for survival such as food, shelter, predators, getting sick,

and his offspring. He was in a flamingo paradise! In other

words, he was in a zoo. Will other animals experience similar

situations? Will they to enter an animal paradise like the flamingo?

Most likely, they probably will because most Zoo's house over one-

hundred animals. Zoos will always simulate an animals environment. The

only difference is, zoo's are ten times better. Considering this, zoos

are great for animals.

One might argue that animals are prevented from living in their

natural environment. If zoos take animals out of their natural

environment, won't they get deprived of their animal

instincts and become depressed? While this might be true, they are

still provided with a better environment. Prey will be protected from

predators, and predators will no longer have to hunt prey. Animals will

not be depressed about anything. Not only will they not depressed but

less fearful of things that lurk in the wild. In addition, they will

not be deprived of any of their animal instincts. They still have to

mate with various members of their groups. They still have

to take care of their offspring. On top of this, If animals aren't in

their natural environment, then human deaths

from animal attacks will decrease. Zoos might even be able to

domesticate animals and then release them into the wild.

into the wild. Then those animals would mate with non-domesticated

animals. Through time, they might even become gentle creatures

For the most part then, animals are better of without their natural

environment.

A good reason to support zoos is the fact that zoos protect

endangered species. For example, San Diego Zoo, the largest

zoo in the United States, protects a vital endangered species called “pandas.” If every panda were to be killed of in the entire world

the zoo would have pandas in reserve. By doing so, San Diego zoo

not only protects endangered species but increase the chances of them

not being endangered at all. Endangered animals,if there are both of

each sex, will often times reproduce. Once those offspring

have grown-up, they will most likely reproduce. Then once their

offspring grow up then they will reproduce. See the pattern

I'm getting at here? Through time, zoos will make god's endangered

species no longer endangered!!! Since it's mans fault that the

animals have become endangered in the first place, doesn't it make

sense that we repair that damage as well?

Another reason to support zoos is the fact that they use research to

find new ways to help animals. Wouldn't it be nice if so many animals

didn’t die? Through time, maybe zoos could find cures for diseases such

as aids from animal research! Zoos find new ways for animals to eat

better. If animals eat better, there is a chance they will survive

longer. If an animal similar to your typical dog can survive longer

due to diet, then why can't your dog? If a human or a pet could live

longer, then wouldn't that be a cause worth living for?

In addition, people might stop hunting animals as much if they knew how

vital they were to our economy.

Someone might say that animals are nothing more then lab

rats, preserved for humans to do all their kinky, little research on

It easy to see where people might get that impression. As mentioned

before, zoos are used for research and the animals are kept in

simulated environments. These environments are limited in space. People

walk in day in and day out observing the animals. As people walk by,

they harass the animals by tapping on the glass as if they were nothing

more then their typical rat at their local pet store.

A darker side of the matter suggest that people are observing a process

or a test. However, is this not the same as a persons

volunteering for a test in their local lab? What are the differences?

Some might say that they are choosing to volunteer while animals

are forced to volunteer. This is a good reason to oppose zoos.

cooldudemanus · 04-16-2007, 04:36 PM

A flamingo slowly approaches a crisp, wet oasis lying in the

desert. As he puts his head down ,for what is to be his last soothing

drink in his natural environment, he is shot with a sleeping-dart.

When he wakes up, he realizes that he is not in the oasis at which he

had started at. He was in an unfamiliar, yet easy to get used to,

environment. He would no longer have to worry about things

necessary for survival such as food, shelter, predators, getting sick,

and his offspring. He was in a flamingo paradise! In other

words, he was in a zoo. Will other animals experience similar

situations? Will they to enter an animal paradise like the flamingo?

Most likely, they probably will because most Zoo's house over one-

hundred animals. Zoos will always simulate an animals environment. The

only difference is, zoo's are ten times better. Considering this, zoos

are great for animals.

One might argue that animals are prevented from living in their

natural environment. If zoos take animals out of their natural

environment, won't they get deprived of their animal

instincts and become depressed? While this might be true, they are

still provided with a better environment. Prey will be protected from

predators, and predators will no longer have to hunt prey. Animals will

not be depressed about anything. Not only will they not depressed but

less fearful of things that lurk in the wild. In addition, they will

not be deprived of any of their animal instincts. They still have to

mate with various members of their groups. They still have

to take care of their offspring. On top of this, If animals aren't in

their natural environment, then human deaths

from animal attacks will decrease. Zoos might even be able to

domesticate animals and then release them into the wild.

into the wild. Then those animals would mate with non-domesticated

animals. Through time, they might even become gentle creatures

For the most part then, animals are better of without their natural

environment.

A good reason to support zoos is the fact that zoos protect

endangered species. For example, San Diego Zoo, the largest

zoo in the United States, protects a vital endangered species called “pandas.” If every panda were to be killed of in the entire world

the zoo would have pandas in reserve. By doing so, San Diego zoo

not only protects endangered species but increase the chances of them

not being endangered at all. Endangered animals,if there are both of

each sex, will often times reproduce. Once those offspring

have grown-up, they will most likely reproduce. Then once their

offspring grow up then they will reproduce. See the pattern

I'm getting at here? Through time, zoos will make god's endangered

species no longer endangered!!! Since it's mans fault that the

animals have become endangered in the first place, doesn't it make

sense that we repair that damage as well?

Another reason to support zoos is the fact that they use research to

find new ways to help animals. Wouldn't it be nice if so many animals

didn’t die? Through time, maybe zoos could find cures for diseases such

as aids from animal research! Zoos find new ways for animals to eat

better. If animals eat better, there is a chance they will survive

longer. If an animal similar to your typical dog can survive longer

due to diet, then why can't your dog? If a human or a pet could live

longer, then wouldn't that be a cause worth living for?

In addition, people might stop hunting animals as much if they knew how

vital they were to our economy.

Someone might say that animals are nothing more then lab

rats, preserved for humans to do all their kinky, little research on

It easy to see where people might get that impression. As mentioned

before, zoos are used for research and the animals are kept in

simulated environments. These environments are limited in space. People

walk in day in and day out observing the animals. As people walk by,

they harass the animals by tapping on the glass as if they were nothing

more then their typical rat at their local pet store.

A darker side of the matter suggest that people are observing a process

or a test. However, is this not the same as a persons

volunteering for a test in their local lab? What are the differences?

Some might say that they are choosing to volunteer while animals

are forced to volunteer. This is a good reason to oppose zoos.

One standpoint might be that zoos cage animals. While this is true,

how is this different from a pet-owner keeping his pet in a cage? Do

those same people have caged pets? In fact zoos are nicer to animals

then some people are to their pets.

Zoos will continue to provide safe, healthy places for almost every

type of animals. In the future, cows ,might be endangered. Where will

everyone get a steak. Luckily, where there’s a zoo there’s a way.

cooldudemanus · 04-16-2007, 10:59 PM

common guys, is it so hard to read an essay??????????

cooldudemanus · 04-16-2007, 11:13 PM

guys its really not that hard to read!!

Cran · 04-16-2007, 11:53 PM

cooldudemanus,
just because instant replies are possible,
that doesn't ensure it will happen ...
if you are not getting replies, it is because people:

- have other things that are occupying their time or pc ...

- need time to read and understand what you've written,
and then form any opinion about it ...

- are put off by insistent demands and sarcasm to do for free
what some of us are paid to do ...

You've presented a mid-school-age response for a debate in essay form ...
with a number of basic proofing errors ...
and a collection of simplistic arguments which may or may not win you points
(depending on the strength of argument, riposte, and presentation of the opposing view) ...

You begin with an illustrative example,
then move into your arguments ...
then offer points to other side ...

What exactly are you looking for?
Opinions about whether this scans as an essay?
... about the logic or arguments you've employed?
... or about the grade you might get if you presented it at school?

morc44u · 04-16-2007, 11:55 PM

Essay Writing 101

The purpose of an essay is to make a claim, and prove that claim to be true by citing evidence from reputable sources. After reading your essay, I found two errors that need to be corrected. You need to make a single claim and defend it, without providing examples that show flaws in your argument. The second area you need to work on is presenting factual information. I will now break this review down into a section regarding each of these topics.

1. Make a strong claim

In your opening paragraph, just after your attention getter with the flamingo, you need to establish a solid claim that leaves no doubt in the mind of your readers as to what this essay will prove.

For instance, immediatly after saying

Quote:

He was in a flamingo paradise! In other words, he was in a zoo,

you need to make your claim, commonly called a thesis statement. For instance, I would say “Zoos play a crucial role in protecting the wildlife of our planet, and for this reason we should support zoos’”

The thrust of each of the following paragraphs should be aimed at proving your thesis statement to be true. Here is an example:

“Dr. Bruce Rideout, a scientist in the San Diego Zoo’s Pathology Division, has done many studies that help protect the creatures in our environment. For example, six years ago Dr. Rideout began investigating the cause behind the death of hundreds of vultures in Asia. He discovered that they were being killed by a drug called “diclofenac.” After making this discovery, he was able to help implement plans to limit the use of the drug in Asia, thus saving the lives of many birds (Education: Stories from the Field). Without zoos, people like Dr. Rideout would not be around to safe wildlife!

This paragraph proves the thesis statement too be true, and does it by citing a reputable source. This makes your argument much stronger.

(Education: Stories from the Field)

This is called a parenthetical citation, and it needs to be done every time you use work created by someone else to prove your point. The citation shows the reader where they can find the information you are using. In addition to the citation, you must have a matching entry in your Works Cited page at the end of your essay. Here is an example

Works Cited

"Education: Stories from the Field." San Diego Zoo.org. 2007. Zoological Society of San Diego. 16 Apr 2007 <http://www.sandiegozoo.org/help_wildlife/story_vultures.html>.

The idea of this is so that the reader can see the citation, jump to the work cited page, and instantly know where you are getting your information from. This link will help you to make citations.

http://citationmachine.net

I generally use the MLA format.

As a rule of thumb, you should not base your argument off of ideas not taken from a reputable source, as quite often the your information could be false!

Here is an example of this in your essay.

Quote:

Zoos might even be able to domesticate animals and then release them into the wild. Then those animals would mate with non-domesticated animals. Through time, they might even become gentle creatures.

This is not true. A completely “domesticated” animal would be too dependant on humans to survive in the wild for more than a few days. It is very important to conduct thorough research in order to avoid mistakes like this.

Section 2.

Now that you understand some of the basics behind writing a well researched essay, it is time to learn what not to say.

When writing an essay, NEVER write paragraph that goes counter to your thesis statement. For example:

Quote:

A darker side of the matter suggest that people are observing a process or a test. However, is this not the same as a persons volunteering for a test in their local lab? What are the differences? Some might say that they are choosing to volunteer while animals are forced to volunteer. This is a good reason to oppose zoos.

The purpose of the paper was to make people support zoos. It makes no sense to argue against what you want people to support!

I am sorry if I offended you at any point in this essay. That was not my intention. I just wanted to share some strategies with you that would make this piece the best that it can be. After you apply some of these suggestions and post a new draft, send me a PM and I will be happy to look over it again.

forcedkeystroke · 04-16-2007, 11:58 PM

Slow down.

One reason you may not be getting some critique is probably because of the way you're pursuing after it.

Since it's an essay for school

Quote:

Originally Posted by cooldudemanus

(urgent research essay...)

I'm not sure what critique you're looking for. A debate I can definitely put up

First though, I do not like the spacing. If you're trying to follow a 0.5in spacing between lines then do so in your original document, not in this thread

Second, though it may just be with me, your narrative can use a lot of work. It's looking at this through one perspective--not even gracing others with a few words--and portraying this subject with a very hopeful attitude; hopeful in the way that it hopes the reader agrees with it.

Finally, you said you will proofread it later which I hope you do, and correct the few punctuation and grammar errors.

(Oh yeah, and fix that spacing if only for this internet draft. Also define your paragraphs properly... in either draft, as that is a very important aspect to the literature.)

Good luck; and hopefully you throw this in the debate some day because I for one, am quite against your perspective.

Doodles · 04-17-2007, 12:14 AM

I've noticed After every Period and comma you need to capitalize the first letter of the word, And instead of sleeping dart, The word is Tranquilizer, And instead of "easy to get used to", An Adaptable invornment sounds better, "Will other animals experience similar situations? Will they to enter an animal paradise like the flamingo? Most likely, they probably will because most Zoo's house over one-hundred animals. Zoos will always simulate an animals environment. The only difference is, zoo's are ten times better. Considering this, zoos are great for animals." doesn't need to be apart of the essay. This Sentance could be reworded :
"Prey will be protected from predators, and predators will no longer have to hunt prey. Animals will not be depressed about anything. Not only will they not depressed but less fearful of things that lurk in the wild. In addition, they will not be deprived of any of their animal instincts." Extra word usage "into the wild. into the wild." Matter of opinion: Through time, they might even become gentle creatures For the most part then, animals are better of without their natural
environment." And "Since it's mans fault that the animals have become endangered in the first place, doesn't it make sense that we repair that damage as well?", My personal Thoughts on this essay are that it's to opinionated and you didn't do enough research, It's to this and that theres no soild foundation for it, Your off to a go start and you have and excelent subject.... Otherwise....

snorrie · 04-17-2007, 12:22 AM

This is a very boring train of logic. I tried to get as far as I could but it bored me to death. I'm not sure what you're looking for. good luck.

forcedkeystroke · 04-17-2007, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snorrie

This is a very boring train of logic. I tried to get as far as I could but it bored me to death. I'm not sure what you're looking for. good luck.

That was blunt... enough for praise.

chris54321 · 04-17-2007, 05:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doodles

I've noticed After every Period and comma you need to capitalize the first letter of the word, And instead of sleeping dart, The word is Tranquilizer, And instead of "easy to get used to", An Adaptable invornment sounds better,

Okay, I was looking for sarcasm there, not sure I found any. Are you actually reccommending that this guy capitalises the letter after every comma? If so, I mourn for the state of education over the pond.

Konignacht · 04-17-2007, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chris54321

Okay, I was looking for sarcasm there, not sure I found any. Are you actually reccommending that this guy capitalises the letter after every comma? If so, I mourn for the state of education over the pond.

Sure, blame the pond - how was it to know that I'd go down the well? In fact, I'm pretty sure it was pond water that came in after me, because as I was gasping for air and getting only water, it sure tasted like the pond. Either way, the water level rose pretty fast, and in no time I was floating up (the water level in me, and floating up to heaven, but that isn't the point).

The point is that it wasn't the ponds fault that summer stagnation had made it unpotable and that I had to a mile and a half to get to the Hartfield's well. I'm also certain that the pond didn't wash into place a nail, face up, along the seldom beaten track. From a mile a way I heard it scream as I stepped on that nail - the pond actually cared, you see, to feel my pain. Maybe if you don't know the pond, you'd claim it was my own scream coming off the mountains, but not my pond.

After I'd pulled the nail out all I could think about was the pond. The throbbing pain coming from my foot reminded me of the summer that I'd stood on the blacktop well into the pain on a challenge from Jamie. We'd stood there, pretending it didn't hurt and yawning majesticly to show how effortless we found it. Later, after comparing the size of our blisters, we'd jumped into the pond's cool, heavenly waters.

Yea, that would have been good just then, some nice cool waters to sooth the blinding throb that continued with each hobble. The water was out of reach though, when I got to the well, so I couldn't put my foot in. Instead I had to draw up the bucket, and was about to stick my foot in that when I thought about Pa Hartfield's face if he saw my bleeding food sticking in his well bucket. Instead I tore off a bit of my shirt and soaked it in the cool water.

And I gently dabbed my foot with it.

AND I LEPT WITH THE PAIN!

And that's how I ended up in the well, and as you see, it wasn't the ponds fault. So don't blame the pond.