|
Criticise This! Character Introduction
Just wondering what impression of my characters people get from this. Once you know your own characters too well you make assumptions that other people might not, and its hard to make clearer without a second opinion. Criticism welcome!
She was thrown into a cell bruised and bloody. A coppery tang stung her lips. Every few moments a new shot of pain seared through her consciousness, making the throbbing of her raw palms and the burn of bruised legs seem almost superficial. Breathing ragged and uneven, she rose experimentally, pushing herself onto shaking hands and knees as her body desperately fought to remain conscious. She wiped the blood from her mouth with her torn sleeve. Sweat and blood mingled. Water and fire. Her eyes grew accustomed to the darkness a shadowy flicker of movement alerted her to a second presence in the cell.
She glanced up in the direction of the sound. Glowing eyes, the colour of burnt amber, gazed back at her. Crouched in the shadows was a young man with a pale, pointed face and sharp cheekbones. His once-delicate clothing now hung, torn and dirty, from his lithe frame, making his pale skin gleam in comparison. His feet were bare, his head slanted to one side, resting against the cold stone wall.
Aware of her gaze, his posture shifted and he began to move towards her, catlike, never once breaking eye contact. As he crept into the light with fluid grace, his silver white hair fell down concealing his eyes in a veil of spun moonlight. Noting her injuries, he spoke quietly,
“So it is you that brings my momentary reprieve,”
He stopped short, noticing the way she shrunk back from him defensively. Holding his hands up to indicate his harmlessness, he persisted more gently. Slowly he approached, and, placing his shoulder under her armpit, he gradually began to help her drag herself to the wall. At first she flinched away from his touch, determined to persevere alone, but her body was filled with a dull ache, desperate for a release. She allowed her arms to buckle against him, and he took her weight without a word. Leaning her against the wall, the stone cold at her back, he retreated back, crouched again, his deep golden eyes watchful.
Last edited by LadyKnight : 04-12-2007 at 02:35 PM.
|
