Darling

There's not alot here yet,but I'd like some advice on where this story could go.
Lila was always good. She was another sweet, obedient daughter of the land, cutting wheat and plucking peaches when the times were right. She lay out the poison for the rats, even though it pained her to see their bodies the next morning. And every night she would curl up beside every other slave and animal on the plantation. But this all ended the day that Lila became a murderess. No one had expected anything. The Scarecrow, the one who watched all the slaves, had walked down the row where she was picking raspberries. He was a well put together scarecrow, a combination of human and vegetable created by the master of the house to police the grounds. This particular scarecrow was smartly costumed in a blue soldier uniform with silver buttons and had a withered pumpkin for a head. It’s hands were kid skin gloves stuffed with straw and it’s long legs ended in polished black boots. At it’s side was a rapier. No one knew at this time that Lila was tired of being a slave. That she had sat up late into many a night, thinking of this very moment. That all the anger and voracious desire for freedom had ballooned up inside her until it must escape, or kill her. So no one made a move to stop Lila when she stood amongst the other pickers with her black hair in her eyes, her plain white dress billowing in the gentle breeze, stained with raspberry blood. The Scarecrow gave her a moment to stand. It had already killed two slow pickers today, so it was willing to give her a minute to realize that she had stopped, and to start again. And if she didn’t, well he could kill her too. It was really all the same to him. But he began to feel a curious prickling on the back of his neck as he noticed that Lila was not sitting back down, but rather staring into his black, jack-o-lantern eyes with a determined hatred. Then, without blinking, Lila plunged her hand forward and with one twist of her wrist, had grabbed the Scarecrow’s rapier and stabbed him through the middle with it. For a moment, he didn’t know how to react. He’d never been stabbed before, especially not by a little girl. Now all the slaves turned to watch as blood bloomed like a rose across the Scarecrow’s sparkling uniform. Lila still hadn’t moved. Another flicker of silver, and she had sliced the pumpkin head clean off it’s shoulders. There was absolute silence around her as she calmly wiped the sword blade on the grass. Then Lila the Rebel walked into the forest, never to be seen again by the people of the plantation where she’d always lived. She looked back once, but that was it.
Thanks!

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"There are three things you should never talk about with people; religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin."
-Linus

Lyonidus

viva la revolucion!!

lol but truly i quite liked this, especially the end, there was good descriptive language and i wanted to readon throughout, all in all this was rather well put together.
A good short story.

FoggyImagination

This was fun... I hate the punkin head!! Good for Lila!! Good job!

__________________
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss

worldboy90

Haha, that was good. I'm no pro on grammar and syntax, and spelling and etc., but it seemed fairly well written to me. And it's a good story too. You plan on continuing this?

nineteen

i liked it - it was simple, to the point punchy. i wouldn't write a whole book like that but it creates an immediate empathy with the girl. and even though you don't really kno the full story you feel drawn in to the world.

__________________
(Please don't take my advice too seriously)

Oh Vanity, thy number is 19.

Darling

lol,thanks peeps. I think I'm going to continue it a bit,but I won't get my hoes up on finishing unless it's a very short story. I don't quite have the attention span developed yet.

__________________
"There are three things you should never talk about with people; religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin."
-Linus

Darling

*hopes*!!,lol

__________________
"There are three things you should never talk about with people; religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin."
-Linus

nineteen

haha hoes! you pimpin'?

__________________
(Please don't take my advice too seriously)

Oh Vanity, thy number is 19.