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| Critique and Advice Works seeking critique, advice or assistance. |
04-06-2007, 03:10 PM
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#1
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: H-town, dawg! (in other words, Houston area, Texas)
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,248
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Spearwa (Not sure of the title yet)
Okay, here is my first go on this forum. Right now I just write for fun, mainly to see something tangible in relation to all of the thoughts running through my head. I am mainly interested in writing Fantasy, but who knows what might happen!
This is the beginning of a story I am writing. Whether it will be a short story or a novel is yet to be seen. This is my first draft of what will most likely be the prologue. As I finish other chapters I will add them to this thread.
I would be appreciative of any advice anyone has to offer. Thanks!
__________________________________________________ ________
Spearwa
Prologue
It was the stillness that woke her. Perfect silence surrounded the Grove. She could feel the dried tears on her cheeks as she lifted her head from the cold packed earth. She removed her boots and tunic. The pollen danced on her skin and in the air. The cool water immediately made her skin prickle.
The village would never stand behind her. ‘Change is never easy, my little Spearwa,’ her mother’s words crept into her thoughts. She dove into the water, feeling it penetrate and cleanse every crevice of her body.
The tribal village of Cunaie was nestled in the northeastern corner of Natur. The people were simple, and lived with little thought to the outside world. At the center of their culture was Zuname, the Goddess of wind and wing. All of the Cunaie children were brought up to live a peaceful life; worshiping the Goddess, working hard to contribute to the economy of the tribe, and finding happiness in the simple way of their people.
Spearwa was born in the year of the Sparrow (thus, her name.) Her mother was frail after the birth, and her father left the farm to seek medicine in the capital city of Pluo. In his stead, he left his eldest son Jay in charge of the farm and family. After four years it became evident that her father would never return.
As Spearwa grew up she became inseparable from her mother. On clear spring days they would lie beneath the great Reezin Tree in the Grove, feeling the cold packed earth on their skin, and Spearwa would listen to her mother’s strange and wonderful tales of long ago magical worlds! When the day grew to a close her mother would hold her and hum the haunting lullaby that told the story of their ancestors. The soft melody’s enchantment would fill the Grove until all animals, birds and insects ceased their squabbling. Spearwa would fall asleep on her mother’s apron and dream of worlds beyond her own.
It was on one of these spring days when the grove was particularly still, that Spearwa’s mother decided to carry the child home instead of waking her from her peaceful slumber. Lifting the five year old bundle to her hip she started off toward the farm.
Night came upon her suddenly as she was passing through the fields. The cold air bit her skin as she tried to hold Spearwa close. Soon a suspicion grew in her mind that not too far behind her someone or something was following. She glanced back but night’s cloak concealed the stranger. Picking up the pace she started to run towards the farm. Her breathe became short, her bones felt brittle beneath the weight of the child, and she knew that she couldn’t continue like this for long. She could hear the stranger’s breath now, only a few yards behind her. There is a tree ahead. Is that a hollow on the far side of it? Yes, the child would be safe there. Wrapping Spearwa in her shawl, she quickly placed her in the dark concave. She began running with a new burst of energy now that she was free from her burden. The stranger was on her heals, as she neared to wood.
From the village only a whimper of a cry was heard, and Spearwa dreamt through the night of her mother’s stories.
The next day Enock awoke with a sore head. The night had been filled with cloudy dreams and premonitions. He decided to clear his thoughts by collecting Reezin bark for his midday tea. Of course the best Reezin bark in the area was in the Grove, but such a long walk might be too much for Enock. He hated to admit it, but his back and legs were not as strong as they used to be.
“Hmph!” He puffed aloud as he grabbed his cloak and walking stick. Mere age would not deter him from a long walk on a beautiful spring day! If anything, it would make him stronger.
As he passed through the fields between the village and forest he began to second guess his decision. Already his body was crying out for rest. Ahead was the old tree with the strange hollow. That would provide sufficient shade. As he approached he noticed a small blue bundle within the hollow. Upon closer inspection he realized there was a child wrapped in the cloth! He picked her up. Her eyes were closed in a deep slumber. Her breath was so quiet many people would think she was dead.
“Child,” Enock spoke softly, “child wake up.” She opened her eyes wide at the sound of a stranger’s voice. As soon as Enock saw the grey eyes he knew who the child was.
“Mom?” she asked.
“I’m sure she is home with your brother. Do you know how you got here?”
“We were in the grove and I fell asleep.”
“Ah, I see. It will be okay, little one. Do you think you can walk? I am not sure I can carry you the whole way. I’m not as young as I once was, you know.”
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04-06-2007, 03:29 PM
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#2
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 950
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Hey charlie eleanor, i liked the prologue, it hooked me and i wanted to read on you should definitely continue with this but i think the prologue is done, i would'nt make it any longer, its just the right length, hope this helped.
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04-06-2007, 03:33 PM
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#3
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: H-town, dawg! (in other words, Houston area, Texas)
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,248
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Thank you so much Lyonidus! I was waiting at my computer for someone to say something. This is my first time letting anyone see anything I have written my whole life, so I was just a little nervous that I would look/sound like an idiot. Thank you for the encouragement.
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