Tired of Dying - My Life Story - Writers Forum

xgrego · 03-27-2007, 10:19 PM

http://www.myspace.com/171066847

hello all!

i have written a story, which is no story in the least. this is my life, not a good one at that. i'd like to get feedback from "real" people if possible.

i have posted my .doc file in "blog" format on myspace since i don't have another was to exhibit it. please don't think in any way at all is it a "blog".

i've battled depression, to drug addiction, multiple jail terms unlawfully, to multiple suicide attempts. this is my life. this is not a story.

if anything, you might like it as a character disaster-piece.

please visit my page and read your hearts out. i have hopes to make this not just for me, or my family/loved ones. already i've been told how it has moved certain people who have dealt with the same issue. thank you so much in advance!
http://www.myspace.com/171066847

Shawn · 03-27-2007, 10:21 PM

I'm "Tired of People Plugging on This Site!" It's not a story, it's a problem.

xgrego · 03-27-2007, 10:23 PM

i am certainly not plugging. id like feedback from "real" people is all

Shawn · 03-27-2007, 10:25 PM

So I can assume you've gotten feedback from "not real" people.

xgrego · 03-27-2007, 10:28 PM

yikes... people i know, who i trust, who may just be nice... or still my apathy doesnt believe them.

whats with you buddy. this is a writing forum. i wrote. i posted. deal with it.

Shawn · 03-27-2007, 10:30 PM

Your first two posts were a direct link to your "story." Usually, that is a sign of a big burly guy with mucus dripping from his nostrils and slack-jawed mouth.

xgrego · 03-27-2007, 10:32 PM

haha. no sorry, im anorexic and shy, so my hello's arent really ever said.

Shawn · 03-27-2007, 10:33 PM

Well, I'm gay and extroverted, getting to know people is usually the first step... though I don't know what anorexia has to say with saying "hello."

xgrego · 03-27-2007, 10:35 PM

wasnt going to get way off topic... but its in my writing anyways. i suffer from severe depression and anxiety. go me.

it had to do with you jumping to a false conclusion about me being some bear, dripping snot...

Shawn · 03-27-2007, 10:36 PM

That's two things we have in common.

Welsh Dragon Hellfire · 03-28-2007, 05:45 PM

Damn... it may not be a "story" - but it sure was compelling reading.

Crepuscular · 03-28-2007, 07:56 PM

I was only able to read about a quarter of the way through. I have run out of time. Tomorrow I'll read the rest.

Seems really interesting. You have a creative way of communicating raw pain. Your writing seems extremely honest and upfront.

It's refreshing to read, even if the subject matter is dark and sad.

xgrego · 03-29-2007, 11:38 AM

thanks a lot guys and girls. i've done some editing in hopes to make it seem a bit more clear. lack of sleep and the constant torture of life can make my eyes see what they want to at times. please leave any comments that you feel will help. everything i have ever read is about character disaster, i always thought they stole pages from my life. well, now i write my own. i might not be able to do anything with it... and it may be only for me to feel better, or my friends/loved ones to actually know how i feel. but this is my first step to feeling better. i shall begin therapy next week. you can't make a penny feel like a quarter... i feel like .002 cents. i have hope at the moment though.

my apathy sometimes want to tear it to pieces and forget about it. but i know what i have isn't terrible in the least. myspace may tear it apart and it's in a format that's ugly, but myspace is lame to begin with. i just need the people of the earth to read it.

thanks

Crepuscular · 03-29-2007, 12:48 PM

Finished it up. You seem like a decent person (sans the paragraph where you talk about being racist) who wants better moments in life. The writing makes me root for you to be happy.

The thing that really distracted me time and again was the use of 'you' when referring to yourself:

I mustn't have anything else better to do since you're writing in this silly thing.

The above sentence where you refer to yourself as 'I' and 'you're' is detached and confusing. And it happens so often it breaks the flow. I understand what you were going for with the italicized 'you', but IMO it should be altered. It is a roadblock to communicating clearly. For what it's worth.

Same thing goes for referring to your dad as 'He' over and over. 'He' may not feel like a dad and so he is 'He', but it doesn't read well, and when 'he', 'she', 'I' and 'you're' (meaning I) are slammed into consecutive sentences, the thought you are conveying requires too much matching of whom is whom for the reader.

This journal makes me interested in the story you could write. A story that didn't focus on explaining pain, but instead laid out the scenes, the sum of which would form a big picture of pain and regret. And there probably was a lot of humor involved too. Like any tragedy.

You remind me a bit of William Burroughs Jr. Not the dad Burroughs, but the son. His life was a struggle and he never figured out why. He was gone by his early 30s. The books Speed/Kentucky Ham might interest you.

Will you write the story you didn't write?

If you do start to write it, post it, or email it to me.

xgrego · 03-29-2007, 02:50 PM

those are all actual journal entries i have kept since 1996. i really do write that way. the actual body of text is a different story... i know it may be confusing to some readers, i'm still playing around with my i/you/me thought process. im trying to covney how much i hate the person i was, and how i still feel like that person even though i'm bone thin with out exactly saying that. ive read over more than a handful of times now and i believe i've gotten it to the point which you can understand. still i hear from some they have a tough time following it. its tough to remove most of them since some can't follow it, and others tell me how it makes perfect sense. im still working at it though.

i say this is not a story since it isnt. it is my life. i talked about each subject of my life which made me who i am today. i dont feel there is a need to ramble without end of the matter. each glimple of my mother, father, brother, women and drugs set the pace for me finally accepting who i am. within each section it builds to me finally giving up and using drugs to feel "normal". i really dont think i could write some garbage fabricated million little pieces. it would not be true to myself being that i am really trying to feel better. i end my work by stating how i am nowhere near better. this is only to help bring words to a subject i have never spoken about and no one spoke to me. i leave it open as i meet hope at the door.

your words are greatly appreciated, you pretty much said exactly what i am working on now. the writing of the "story" though is a different matter. this is my therapy, untill next week when i actually speak to someone. it may only be about 100 something pages long in book form, but i believe this would give the reader enough of a ride. no? am i that wrong in thinking that? i really hope not... thank you again.

oh, the racist thing.... i was hurt mentally very badly by people at a very young age. hate became my friend. i dont believe those things now but i had to express that.