Crepuscular

I think people understand what you are saying with the I and 'you' thing. The point is it detracts from the experience. But it's a journal. So...it's a non-debate. It was a good read.

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'There is nothing left for literature but mockey in a world that has collapsed.' -Balzac

female_writer

Listen....re-write it in 3rd person. Change the I's and You's to He's and They's and youll have yourself a Novel!

You have a raw ability. But people relate more and are less likely to critique a 3rd person piece, if you care. And its the only basic diff. between being a Blogger and a Novelist (jk- kinda )

Also- maybe change it to 'Dying to Live'.

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And he still gives his love, he just gives it away
The love he receives is the love that is saved

And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky
A Man that is given to fly

xgrego

arg. blog... i loath blogs. i do not have any place else to put it out there at the moment. the he/they mark up may be a good idea. ill have to play with that. around the time of your post i had reuploaded my work changing most of my you/you're to solely I and Me. i will sit on this version a bit and see what i think. however if i were to change it to he/they i think it will lose all the personal meaning and make it a work of fiction. still i feel i could change a few things about it, i do not feel it is 100% at this moment. i kinda need things to be more than perfect for me to like it myself. uploading piece by piece on myspace is a headache enough.

i dont know... my apathy sometimes want to scrap it all, but then i recieve countless number of messages saying how it has touched people. i don't want money, i don't even want sympathy for my issue... i just want to feel accomplished. i would really love for this not to be only for me and my family/friends to know how i feel. i guess i need to take that next step and try to find an agent of sorts. otherwise this is will always only be for me. i'll never know till i try. i honestly don't know step one in doing so, but im pretty darn quick learning the game. i don't know if i have more of a short story (how short is short?!) creative nonfiction, more of a memior, maybe even a psychological explorative piece. somehow i don't think i've written something like anything else. my sarcasm and the way i descibe personal issues may make you laugh or make you cry depending on your mood. who i begin to write to is beyond me. i've begin flipping through the guide to literary agents 2007, but it's sorta just staring back at me. ugh... im sorta lost at this point.

ed: hm. i just read a section as he/him/his along with my journal entries still as i/me/you. i actually think it might build nicely to my final section where i say, "okay, fine, maybe i am writing this for you. I can't tell you any of this anyways. It has gone too far without ever speaking about it..." the only problem i may see is it becoming a headache reading he/him/his constantly, as when when i had it as writing "you" quite often. hm, im going to try it out, it can't hurt. i don't know about the section on my father then since i refer to he as him/he/his. it's a new day, i'm refreshed... i can sit down without being too frustrated now. lets do this...

xgrego

please check out my latest edit of the first section of my disasterpiece. i took the he/him advice and reworked a bunch. it at least works well with this section. the others might be tougher since i dont want to use my families names... using he 2x in a sentence to refer to two different people will be less than good. i have to work the rest out. please let me know what you think, i respect your opinions greatly.