Humour column attempt: Mobile Phones part 1 - Writers Forum

Anidazen · 08-11-2006, 07:44 PM

I recently decided to buy a new mobile phone. This was quite an emotional experience. After all – I had been with my old mobile for quite a while – it was a long term relationship. We used to laugh together, play together – drink lemonade – lovingly push each other on the swing. I have the photos. We had apple pie.
Not too much pie.

My phone did not have a built in MP3 player, or satellite navigation (not even a compass). However, it did have some features that you just can’t get nowadays; it had a built in club. It did have interchangeable skins; it would wear a paper bag over its head at parties.

As everyone knows, if you are between 12 and 25 years of age, it is a serious social crime to have a mobile phone with an approximate value of less than your house. And just what would the neighbours think!

It was time for a change.

I went to Town, where agreeable salesmen (always ‘Steve’, ‘Tom’ or ‘Mike’ – or in the case of all girls – ‘Amy’) spent the next two hours trying to sell me handsets I could pay for either on a pay-monthly contract, or with a new mortgage.

Eventually, I had found an offer I liked the sound of. It was good. Too good, in fact. I was sceptical:

“400 minutes a month?” I read aloud.

“Yes.”

“And 250 texts?”

“Yep.”

“Pay nothing at all, absolutely, completely 100%, we positively promise?” – I quoted, focussing on the smaller text – “cross our hearts and hope to die?”

“Yep.”

“And a free puppy?”

“Yep.”

I had to admit, it sounded good. I raised an eyebrow. “No catches?”

“Nope.”

“Nothing else to pay?”

“Nope.”

“It really is just tuppence a month?”

“Yeah.”

“Great! Where do I sign?”

“Oh by the way, before you buy – just need to mention that you have to pay full price and then get a mail in rebate.”

Ah. I see. Silly me for not asking.

I eventually decided to take a deal. Having spent the past two hours working out a sale, the merchants proceeded to spend the next two hours stopping me from buying it. I needed to fill in a form (“Job title?”, “Ok, and just how many years have you been lying around at home pretending to be a writer?”) and then take a credit check, just to make sure that the phone is indeed worth more than the house.

I failed. The house was probably worth £20 more. Damn that extension!

Did I get my phone? How many call-centres did I subsequently destroy in rage? Check back for the second section of this column: there’ll be action, drama and romance – oh yes – don’t think that there won’t be romance. Indeed.

Augur · 08-11-2006, 08:29 PM

Quite funny, especially the mail-in rebate bit. I hate those damn things.

Oh, by the way: you must be British.

SeattleGhostWriter · 08-14-2006, 12:52 PM

What is really funny, is that I deal with cell phones all day every day. I work in a call center as a tier 3 tech support agent in resolving customers issues from not able to send/receive text messages to setting up and configuring email on a PDA/ Smartphone handheld device.

I have more humor about cell phones than anything else. LOL...

kookicat · 08-15-2006, 08:58 AM

Very funny and sadly, all too true!

Savant Deviance · 08-15-2006, 10:48 AM

Hilarious, I definitely look forward to Part 2.

cacafire · 08-15-2006, 04:03 PM

I don't get it.
...
...
Is this really that funny?

Fantasy of You · 08-15-2006, 04:07 PM

I'm with you, cacafire. I was feeling guilty that I didn't find it funny. I shrug my shoulders! Maybe it for the (drum roll..) OLDER generation, who don't get about mobiles, lol?
Nah I'm kidding. I got it, it just didn't seem all that.. halarious. I get why you could find it funny, but.. hmm. Sorry Seatte, I still love you, even if you are an oooold fogie.

-Fantasy

Anidazen · 08-18-2006, 07:11 PM

To inject some irony into this thread - I'm 18. Heh.

Ilan Bouchard · 08-18-2006, 09:42 PM

You've written better, but enjoyable to read nontheless. There were too many interjections that felt a bit out of place—like this one, for example—in your column.